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Don't want to lose my friend.....


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My ex bf and I have been good friends ever since our breakup. I won't go into our history, but no matter what we have always been close friends. He has recently entered a relationship for the first time, so it's new for both of us. He lied to me about, etc. I guess I have been doing things to irritate him- calling alot, etc. I am not doing this intentionally, but probably out of fear that I'm going to get pushed aside for this new person. We've been going through alot in the past few weeks and turns out his new partner does not want him to speak to me. We've been fighting alot and today he seemed to snap. He said it's over, he wants me out of his life and that we can no longer be friends. He sounded really angry with me, which hurts me more than anything. I want him to be happy and I want to be his friend. I don't understand why he can't have both- I mean I'm saying have your new relationship I'm ok with it and you can have my friendship at the same time. I would think that would be nice since I am supporting him. I know you can't force someone to be your friend, but I'm very fearful of losing him. We've never gone more than a few days without talking. He said to never call him again and if I did he would change his phone number. That seems so extreme to me considering a few days ago things were great. Is there anything I can do to save this friendship? I want to respect him and his wishes, but I don't want to lose him either. Please help.

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I hate to break it to you, but you are going to be pushed aside for his new relationship in some way, shape, or form. He likely wants to get to know this girl and move on with his life, all of which takes time.

 

His new girlfriend has every right to ask him not to talk to you if you are calling him every single day. There's no way I would ever date a guy who had that much contact with his ex. If she is fairly new to his life, she has no idea what your past is together, what YOUR agenda is, etc. And he is obviously taking her side and agreeing with her. Doesn't that tell you that maybe he doesn't care quite as much about being your friend as you do being his?

 

By your actions, it doesn't sound like you are telling him to go ahead and have his relationship. You don't act like you are okay with it if you are calling him every day. You can say you are all you want, but actions speak louder than words. I'm curious to know what you expect to get out of such a close friendship with him and why you haven't tried to make some new friends.

 

I'm a rare believer that exes CAN be friends after a break up, but only if BOTH of you are completely over the relationship. It doesn't sound to me like you are over it. If you were, you would be dating other people and making new friends instead of clinging on to this guy and worrying about losing him. I'm friends with my ex, we are both in new relationships, and I talk to/see him maybe once a month, which works out great for the both of us. It can be difficult to break up and lose someone who was such a big part of your life, but that is the way life works. You can get over it.

 

He has told you not to call him again. Given that you are such "good friends" it seems unlikely that he would say that off the cuff. You have obviously been bothering him to the point that he can't take it anymore. You have absolutely no choice but to accept his wishes. Maybe after some time has gone by you can salvage something, but I promise you that if you keep hounding him you will only piss him off more. My advice is to let him go and move on with YOUR life and don't worry so much about HIS.

 

My ex bf and I have been good friends ever since our breakup. I won't go into our history, but no matter what we have always been close friends. He has recently entered a relationship for the first time, so it's new for both of us. He lied to me about, etc. I guess I have been doing things to irritate him- calling alot, etc. I am not doing this intentionally, but probably out of fear that I'm going to get pushed aside for this new person. We've been going through alot in the past few weeks and turns out his new partner does not want him to speak to me. We've been fighting alot and today he seemed to snap. He said it's over, he wants me out of his life and that we can no longer be friends. He sounded really angry with me, which hurts me more than anything. I want him to be happy and I want to be his friend. I don't understand why he can't have both- I mean I'm saying have your new relationship I'm ok with it and you can have my friendship at the same time. I would think that would be nice since I am supporting him. I know you can't force someone to be your friend, but I'm very fearful of losing him. We've never gone more than a few days without talking. He said to never call him again and if I did he would change his phone number. That seems so extreme to me considering a few days ago things were great. Is there anything I can do to save this friendship? I want to respect him and his wishes, but I don't want to lose him either. Please help.
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If you were sleeping with him at any time in the past you are a threat to his new girlfriend.

 

She does not see you as just some "friend" of his, someone to go bowling with.

 

She sees you as his almost ex-girlfriend. She is the replacement girlfriend.

 

Having you around is just not good for her.

 

Respect that. Find a new boyfriend.

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Lori, you are NOT over this guy no matter the reasons why you are so intent on convincing yourself and everyone else otherwise. Your actions speak far louder than your words. The girlfriend has every reason to suspect your motives, and your ex boyfriend is probably afraid that you are turning into one of those "fatal attractions". You are not a friend to either of them. You are the old jealous "ex" that won't let go and you are interfering with their right to privacy. The constant phone calls to annoy him and his girlfriend are the actions of a "stalker" and could get you into some real legal trouble should one of them complain.

 

Stop being so needy. Stop acting so pathetic. You are not a part of this couple's life so let go and stay out of it.

 

Get a life of your own!

 

My ex bf and I have been good friends ever since our breakup. I won't go into our history, but no matter what we have always been close friends. He has recently entered a relationship for the first time, so it's new for both of us. He lied to me about, etc. I guess I have been doing things to irritate him- calling alot, etc. I am not doing this intentionally, but probably out of fear that I'm going to get pushed aside for this new person. We've been going through alot in the past few weeks and turns out his new partner does not want him to speak to me. We've been fighting alot and today he seemed to snap. He said it's over, he wants me out of his life and that we can no longer be friends. He sounded really angry with me, which hurts me more than anything. I want him to be happy and I want to be his friend. I don't understand why he can't have both- I mean I'm saying have your new relationship I'm ok with it and you can have my friendship at the same time. I would think that would be nice since I am supporting him. I know you can't force someone to be your friend, but I'm very fearful of losing him. We've never gone more than a few days without talking. He said to never call him again and if I did he would change his phone number. That seems so extreme to me considering a few days ago things were great. Is there anything I can do to save this friendship? I want to respect him and his wishes, but I don't want to lose him either. Please help.
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I agree with what the others have had to say. I'll just add this: you wonder how your ex could have made such a radical change in attitude toward you in such a short period of time. My guess is that this has been a long time coming, that you've been aggressively pursuing the "friendship" thing, trying to keep your connection to your ex alive through any means possible -- and failing to notice his growing annoyance. All new couples need space and lots of alone time together to get to know each other. Someone starting a new relationship often has little or no time for close friends who have always just been friends, whether of the same or opposite sex. It's to be expected.

 

Here's how you know you're not *really* interested in being his friend: if you were genuinely concerned for HIS happiness, apart from yours, you would put the interests of his new relationship before your self-centered need to keep your daily routine (phone calls & emails) unaltered. You'd understand that ex-girlfriends (especially recent ex-girlfriends) are unavoidably subjects of doubt to new girlfriends, and you'd do your best to minimize that issue until he & his new girlfriend are more established.

 

But really, if you're honest, you don't want them to get more established, do you? It really does sound like you want him back. I'm guessing that he's been aware of that fact for quite some time (consciously or unconsciously) and has been humoring you in the hope that you'd wean yourself off him. But now that you're threatening his new relationship his patience has run out.

 

It's hard to accept, but you have no choice. He's not in your life anymore. The harder you try to keep him in your life in any small way, the more determined he will be to keep away altogether. If you can accept this gracefully you will a) spare your dignity, b) increase the chance that somewhere in the more distant future you & he (and his girlfriend) might become friendly and c) start to move on yourself. The latter is the most important thing.

 

Good luck.

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Who initated the break-up? Did you want to breakup with him?

 

To continue seeing each other after your r/s ended is a big question. I have been through the same expierence! After my ex broke up with me he continued calling, and coming by my home unexpectedly. So to test him, and also be brutally honest, I told him I still loved him and was in pain over it. This upset him and he flew out the door. We still see each other, but only because (1. Im his boss and (2. He loves my family more than his own. So we pretty much see each other everyday and we keep a good r/s.

 

This Im sure is not your situation. But trust me when he says its over, It's over. If he does not want your calls.

 

Dont look into it anyfurther. You can not change his mind!

 

I think you feel the way I had for a long time. Your shocked that your "friend" is gone. You dont understand why or how he can just wipe you from his memory, forget about you and the past you shared together! I know thats how I feel.

 

Theres no answer to it really, other than just accepting what he wants. As painful, or hateful as it may seem.

 

This will pass! Its a good idea not to try and figure out why, how, what can you do! This will only consume you and make it harder for yourself to move on. Dont you hate those words! "Move On" But thats the reality of it!

 

Please dont go getting yourself worked up over this.

 

Leave him be!

 

My ex bf and I have been good friends ever since our breakup. I won't go into our history, but no matter what we have always been close friends. He has recently entered a relationship for the first time, so it's new for both of us. He lied to me about, etc. I guess I have been doing things to irritate him- calling alot, etc. I am not doing this intentionally, but probably out of fear that I'm going to get pushed aside for this new person. We've been going through alot in the past few weeks and turns out his new partner does not want him to speak to me. We've been fighting alot and today he seemed to snap. He said it's over, he wants me out of his life and that we can no longer be friends. He sounded really angry with me, which hurts me more than anything. I want him to be happy and I want to be his friend. I don't understand why he can't have both- I mean I'm saying have your new relationship I'm ok with it and you can have my friendship at the same time. I would think that would be nice since I am supporting him. I know you can't force someone to be your friend, but I'm very fearful of losing him. We've never gone more than a few days without talking. He said to never call him again and if I did he would change his phone number. That seems so extreme to me considering a few days ago things were great. Is there anything I can do to save this friendship? I want to respect him and his wishes, but I don't want to lose him either. Please help.
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