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I think that the guy I like is still in love with his ex girlfriend...


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

Old 6th December 2006, 7:12 PM   #1
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I think that the guy I like is still in love with his ex girlfriend...Help me out!

So me and this guy have been talking for a couple months now. We always give hints every now and then that we like each other. we usually dont go for more than 2 days with out talking, and we have become really close friends., were not dating. the only problem is that he broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years in augest and he still talks about her. but the reason i am confused is because he always says things like "i dont even think about hooking up with other girls cause i miss her so much", but then him and I always find ourselfs hookin up and weve had sex once. i just dont know wheather this means that he likes me enough to move on and get over his ex, or if he is just using me for the affection of having a girl like he was use to. uhh i just dont know what to do, help me out guys.

Last edited by jessicarabbit; 6th December 2006 at 8:55 PM..
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Old 6th December 2006, 8:58 PM   #2
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Rrrrrunnnnnnn.

You aren't dating him. He talks about his ex girlfriend. This is a major red flag.

Quote:
he likes me enough to move on and get over his ex, or if he is just using me for the affection of having a girl like he was use to
He's using you for affection. You're his rebound.

I would run like hell if I were you.
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Old 6th December 2006, 9:03 PM   #3
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I agree with Silentcharon. Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnn. He is not over his ex, and you have no time or emotions to waste on someone who is not over his ex.

Minimally, stop hooking up. The thing is, if he says he's not ready to hook up because he's not over his ex, he means, he's not ready to hook up because he's not over his ex - and no amount of hooking up is going to change his mind.

Better yet, stop hanging out until you have figured out that you are no longer into him. Usually takes a while, but it happens.
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Old 6th December 2006, 9:25 PM   #4
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Most definately stop seing him!!! You're only going to get hurt and possibly even hurt someone else - his ex, although you might not care about her they were together for 2 years and it's possible that they just needed some space from each other.
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Old 6th December 2006, 9:55 PM   #5
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uhhh its just hard because he always says how much he hates her because she cheated on him. and thats why they broke up. and he always says things like i need to a "girl" who treats me right and hints that it is me. but every once and awhile when she calls he gets all irritated and doesnt know whether he should call her back, and claims "it bothers him" when she calls.
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Old 6th December 2006, 10:07 PM   #6
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Ouch sweetie! He's not over her. He might be aware that you are the kind of girl that he wants to fall for, but the fact is, he has to deal with a very painful break up and until he does, he is not available for a healthy relationship.

Yes it's hard and what probably makes it harder is that you probably feel that you know the two of you could be a great couple. Still, sorry, the timing is wrong.

Remove yourself from that situation. For his sake and yours.
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Old 7th December 2006, 3:37 AM   #7
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Definitely. I say, stop hooking up with him until he gets his act together.

Men who do this are jerks.
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Old 7th December 2006, 4:06 AM   #8
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If he's still playing with himself over his last girlfriend ..thats why she's still in his head..

now if you blew his mind in the bedroom...that would be you he's always thinking about..go back and screw him good...he'll soon forget her
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessicarabbit View Post
So me and this guy have been talking for a couple months now. We always give hints every now and then that we like each other. we usually dont go for more than 2 days with out talking, and we have become really close friends., were not dating. the only problem is that he broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years in augest and he still talks about her. but the reason i am confused is because he always says things like "i dont even think about hooking up with other girls cause i miss her so much", but then him and I always find ourselfs hookin up and weve had sex once. i just dont know wheather this means that he likes me enough to move on and get over his ex, or if he is just using me for the affection of having a girl like he was use to. uhh i just dont know what to do, help me out guys.
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Old 7th December 2006, 1:14 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Double Vision View Post
If he's still playing with himself over his last girlfriend ..thats why she's still in his head..

now if you blew his mind in the bedroom...that would be you he's always thinking about..go back and screw him good...he'll soon forget her
see thats kinda more of what i was thinking, cause he always talks about how I am so diffrent and how much he loves being with me, and im thinking if i keep doing what im doing he is going to forget about her.
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Old 7th December 2006, 2:28 PM   #10
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or use you for geat mindblowing sex, but never really be able to fall in love with you because you were the rebound who made herself available at a time when he was saying he wasn't looking for anything serious.

It's a good theory. I've tried it, friends have tried it, the thing is, I don't know of anyone who's been able to convince a guy to fall in love with her through sex alone.

It's a lot more then that. The first step is selection: you have to decide whether or not the guy is available. Clearly, he is indicating that he's not. That's why most of the advice here went towards the : walk away. He is telling you this is a game you won't win. Chances are, you will only make yourself vulnerable by pursuing someone who probably doesn't understand why you let him have great sex with you, while you're fully aware that he is still pining for his ex.

The second is establishing a great connection (and this does not mean through sex). Now, here you do have some leeway - but remember that the guy you're with doesn't even pass step one. He's telling you he's not available! So, if you do want to pursue this, stop hooking up, and start doing fun exciting things with him. Don't allow him to pine over his ex in your presence (for example, don't lend the sympathetic ear). Keep things exciting - without having sex. Make him want to get to know you better - don't allow him to take you for granted.
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