what a mess?

Guest

I would like to look for some opinions but not judgements. Here is the short story:

I have been married for 15 years my W is a presciption drug addict and trying to recover the last 3 years with a treatment plan that still involves scripts. I have been battling over leaving for over a year now. I have always been a big flirt but never continued with more than that. My W does not agree for me to even say hi to any females I work with and my job is prodominately female. Well, three months ago I started calling and talking with one of my coworkers(I know big mistake right off the bat).

She had been married for 10 yrs but her H moved out 5 years ago and has lived with her since. We both had a little bit of codependence with our H/W. Well we took it further and enjoyed it. Her H filed papers finally 2 weeks after we started talking. It upset her but she continued to talk.

Well her H found out we were talking and got her to give in that it was only talk. Well I fell for her hard and fast and she stated the same feelings but, after he confronted her she then has this dream that he will come back to her with open arms. She had confirmed 4 A with other W and still won't let him go or do him wrong anymore. I totally understand that, somewhat. Now for me I found happiness that I have never had before.

I prepared my self and felt that it was time for me to tell my W that I was ready to go because I was not happy and each time that had been brought up in the past it was like talking to a stump. I would get scared and decide not to. Well I have the balls then to do it but then my W through a small wrench into my plan. Were I thought I was going to have an arguement and she wouldn't care I was told that she wanted to come clean complete. Now she has tried it several times but was unable to do so. I have asked her for the past year to get a job and she can continue her habit but not with my money, I know I was not helping her just hurting her more.

Well I'm still here but I can't keep OW off my mind. I have tried to make my decision about leaving not about OW but that I'm not happy. So I was just curious what everyone's opinion would be I know everyone has them like other things and I know some will stink. lol I just wanted to do this to try and cope. We have tried NC but I can't stop I do good for 1 -2 days I will call OW and talk breifly for 10-20 mins then not talk again till she contacts me.

I have to work with this OW which makes it harder I can not have complete NC at work without leaving my job and that has been considered. Please don't be judgemental but I can handle it. Thanks for anyone that reads this long post.