Reverse Racism

[wismom71]

I know this can be a touchy subject but i am in real need of some advice from other parents. I'm a single mother of three daughters and we live in a pretty nice suburb of a major city. Because of a few reasons that I won't bore you with, my two daughters go to school in a district near our subdivision which is predominantly black. When I say predominantly black I mean pretty much all black. My oldest daughter is 13 and I believe she is only four or five caucasian females in a class of two hundred or so. Though I admit I did have a few apprehensions when she started kindergarten in that district years ago, I did not think it would be a problem. Everything was fine until maybe second or third grade when I would notice slight bruises on her arms and legs. When I asked her about them she told me the kids at school were bullies and thinking it was pretty normal for kids that age to roughhouse I just told her the usual stuff, stay away from the rough kids, tell the teachers etc....But the bruises gradually got worse and sometimes when I picked her up from school I could tell she had been crying. When I finally asked about it enough she told me the girls in her class would knock her down, hit her and pull on her hair until she cried saying it was "Too pretty and soft." I was really disgusted at such behavior by third-graders and I instantly assumed it was racial, as she has very blonde hair, and any other girls in the class, given the demographics, would be black. I contacted the principal and the teacher (both black by the way) and they said they would take care of it, but they really didn't seem to be too concerned which angered me. But I thought I would sit it out and see if they did anything.

Well the school abuse continued on thru the years, sometimes coming home with a black eye or busted lip, with myself doing the best I could to monitor and control the situation. My second daughter who is 11 experiencedthe same kind of things. Last year some girls apparently struck her in the stomach so many times she vomitted food, and by the stains on her clothes, blood. I was furious, but as no one saw it, and my daughter refused to identify the girls who had done it, out of fear I'm sure, nothing was ever done about it. It goes even farther than pyhsical abuse as well. Several times I have come into her room to find her crying. She tells me she thinks she's ugly, that she wants a 'booty' (her word not mine) and dark eyes and skin, because that is apparently what the boys like. My oldest daughter expressed similar emotions at that age as well and still does. It does no good when I tell her that lots of girls wish they could have blonde hair and blue eyes like her, she doesn't seem to believe me because she really doesn't have that much contact with white people in general. Because of this both of my elder daughters have very poor self-images. My youngest one (age 6) is not unaffected either. All of her dolls and barbies have to be black or she won't play with them. I've tried buying her different kinds but if they have blonde hair or red hair or light skin she tells me they are ugly and either she won't play with them at all or they will always be the bad people in her little pretend plays. Just like any parent, I don't want my daughters to grow up thinking they are ugly or inferior, and that is what it seems like is happening.

And here is the worst part, just near the end of last school year (april I think) my oldest daughter had her first boyfriend, black of course. I was happy for her, though I did not give her many freedoms as she is only 13. Well one day at school not long after they began going together, she was confronted in a hallway on her way to class by a group of angry girls. I was lucky enough to have talked to the janitor who witnessed it and he said they took turns kicking, punching and brutalizing her. There were many kids around and to my horror, according to the janitor, no one tried to break up the fight, but alot of the kids watching were yelling out racist things like "beat her white ****" and "Make the cracker cry." and other things which I won't even go into. Apparently it was great entertainment for her classmates. In the end, my daughter suffered a broken nose, a broken jaw, and she had her head smashed into the floor until she lost consciouness and suffered a concussion. Thank god there was no permanent damage done. The really frightening thing is that after it ws done, everyone continued on their way to class, they left her there bleeding and unconscious. It was the janitor who alerted the nearest teacher. I was later informed that two other caucasian girls in her school experienced similar beatings in that same year. I tried pressing charges but once again, no one knew who had done it, no one saw it happen, everyone is hush hush. And the principal and teachers don't seem to care. Even the janitor claims he couldn't identify the girls if he had to, though he said there were about six of them. There was only one student who came forward and said that my daughter started it, and 'asked for it' by calling one of the girls the 'n' word. So everyone just kind of shrugged it off like nothing had happened, some even expressed feelings like she had deserved it. Now I know my daughter would never use that word, heck she thinks black people are better than white people, and she was going out with black boy for crying out loud. I think the whole lie of her using the n word was just a convienant way to get everybody's sympathy and make them forget that an innocent girl was beaten unconscious. I am also aware that black girls don't like it when their male counterparts date white females, so I suspect that might have had something to do with it. Well frankly that was the straw that broke the camels back. I am ready to move them to a new school, but I'm afraid of how that will look. Will it make me look racist? I know that the abuse is probably perpetrated by a very small group of girls and that most kids in their school are nice, decent people, but I can't run the risk of having any of my daughters seriously hurt by the few who seem to hate them because of their blonde hair and blue eyes.

[burning 4 revenge]

I thought (slur deleted by moderator) people used paragraph breaks

[Adunaphel]

I an very sorry to hear about all that has happened to your daughters.

 

I am ready to move them to a new school, but I'm afraid of how that will look. Will it make me look racist? I know that the abuse is probably perpetrated by a very small group of girls and that most kids in their school are nice, decent people, but I can't run the risk of having any of my daughters seriously hurt by the few who seem to hate them because of their blonde hair and blue eyes.

 

By all means, move them to a new school as soon as possible - all it will look like, is a mother who does not want her daughters to be beaten up and bullied on.

Do *exactly* what you'd be doing if your daughters were black, or if she had been beated up by causcasian people in a school that is attended by caucasian students! If someone will think you are a racist, screw them - your elder daughter has already gotten hurt badly, other people's opinions should be the last of your worries (that is, unless they affect your daughters' well being in any way).

Move them to a new school, move to a different city if you have to and it is possible.

I do really hope that your daughters will not have to take more abuse.

[wismom71]

thanks. That is just kinda what I was hoping to hear. It makes my resolve that much stronger. Its just that I've heard about the great white flights when minorities move in and I always rolled my eyes at it, but now I have learned firsthand the fear and reasoning behind it, and I hate myself for thinking as I do, I guess that is the reason for my reluctance to move them. Its like if I do move them to another school then I will be no better than all those ignorant white masses fifty years ago, and I know I'm better than that, but my daughter's safety and well being do always come first. That is for sure.

[Brittanyjean06]

No other advice but to move lady! Please. If I were those kids mom I would go over there in rage Omg I'm baffled to here this???? Please get those kids to another school.

[wismom71]

Getting them out of that school will be the first step but it won't be the end all or anything. I still have their self-image to fix. These girls have been hearing for a very good portion of their lives that they are ugly and that guys will not like them. I know that seems absurd, as usually it is the other way around here in America, but I've talked to them about it and they are firmly convinced that they are physically distasteful looking. It breaks my heart. They so beautiful and bright-eyed. Once out of that school how would I even start to help them regain their self-esteem?

[burning 4 revenge]

Do they speak in ebonics?

[stoopid_guy]

I am ready to move them to a new school, but I'm afraid of how that will look. Will it make me look racist? I know that the abuse is probably perpetrated by a very small group of girls and that most kids in their school are nice, decent people, but I can't run the risk of having any of my daughters seriously hurt by the few who seem to hate them because of their blonde hair and blue eyes.

 

Why should you care if you look racist? Your daughters are your first priority. And while it may be true that the abuse was instigated by a small group, it was perpetrated by anyone around who allowed it to happen.

 

Get them out of there.

[wismom71]

thanks for your encouragment.

 

And for the man with gumby in his signature, no they don't speak in ebonics. I can't help but feel you are treating this like some laughing matter.

[HokeyReligions]

Get them to a new school. Move into a neighborhood with a mix of people where they can see and experience that different is not bad, and get them into counseling. Stay after the police and the school. Contact the parents of the other children who have been brutalized and band together to find out who is doing this and why the school is not acting on this. I would not accept "there's nothing we can do" and just drop it. If it IS a racial thing - then fight fire with fire and use that same race card. If it were a few black kids in an almost white school you can bet the families of those children would be fighting it with lawyers and publicity.

[wismom71]

Get them to a new school. Move into a neighborhood with a mix of people where they can see and experience that different is not bad, and get them into counseling. Stay after the police and the school. Contact the parents of the other children who have been brutalized and band together to find out who is doing this and why the school is not acting on this. I would not accept "there's nothing we can do" and just drop it. If it IS a racial thing - then fight fire with fire and use that same race card. If it were a few black kids in an almost white school you can bet the families of those children would be fighting it with lawyers and publicity.

 

I am pretty sure that my daughter knows the names of the girls that brutalized her, but she won't tell, out of fear that they might do worse I'm sure. Believe me, I have tried just about everything I can to get the police involved, but without evidence of who did it they just kind of gave up and shrugged it off. I have even contemplated using the race card, but strangely enough most white people who have heard my story don't seem to care that much either. They'll say its terrible and such, but they aren't stirred into any sort of action. I guess its hard for most white americans to imagine living or going to school in an environment that is violently hostile to caucasians. They must think I am exaggerating or am racist or something. I have thought it was best to keep everything as private as possible, if the school was to reinforce the fabrication that my daughter allegedly usedthe 'n' word, then I'm afraid it would turn extremely ugly, that is, if I went to the public with it. Thats a bag of worms I don't want to open. Like I said before, its a touchy subject all across the nation. I just want my daughters safe and sound and confident in their looks.

[CrushedOrgans]

 

Why should you care if you look racist? Your daughters are your first priority. And while it may be true that the abuse was instigated by a small group, it was perpetrated by anyone around who allowed it to happen.

 

Get them out of there.

 

i agree. if the situation were reversed, and your daughters were picking on black kids, not only would they change schools, but you would probably be sued for the cost to send them to private and punitive damages.

 

i agree. racism sucks. reverse racism sucks. but it's never going to go away as long as people keep perpetuating this crap.

 

and no i'm not racist. i'm one of those silly people who thinks equal means equal, not that one should be superior or seek revenge on the other for the past or whatever reason.

[norajane]

Well the school abuse continued on thru the years, sometimes coming home with a black eye or busted lip, with myself doing the best I could to monitor and control the situation. My second daughter who is 11 experiencedthe same kind of things. Last year some girls apparently struck her in the stomach so many times she vomitted food, and by the stains on her clothes, blood.

Damn, lady, you should have pulled your daughters out of that school years and years ago!

 

You say their safety is your primary concern and yet you've waited until your daughter was beaten to a pulp to even consider moving? Are you waiting for one of them to get killed?

 

I don't know what's going to repair the emotional damage that's been done through the years. Start with therapy for them AND yourself. How dare you keep them in harm's way for so long! You should be praying they don't resent you once they're older for forcing them to suffer all these years.

[wismom71]

Damn, lady, you should have pulled your daughters out of that school years and years ago!

 

You say their safety is your primary concern and yet you've waited until your daughter was beaten to a pulp to even consider moving? Are you waiting for one of them to get killed?

 

I don't know what's going to repair the emotional damage that's been done through the years. Start with therapy for them AND yourself. How dare you keep them in harm's way for so long!

 

 

I considered moving them most every day of my life for the past seven years or so. I know I am the one at fault here. I guess I am just an optimist and thought that that kind of behavior would eventually blow over, and that they would come to be accepted and live happily ever after with their schoolmates. Even though it sounds really bad by my first post, my daughters DO have friends that they have known and gone to school with since kindergarten, and I didn't want them to have to start over. But I am moving them for sure after what happened last april. I won't tolerate that.

[norajane]

You've let this abuse go on for 7 years - that's almost as bad as abusing them yourself. If you felt the need to prove some point about racism, YOU get a job in an inner city school and try to make a difference - you don't keep your kids in harm's way year after year after year when you see what is happening to them and you don't use your kids as guineau pigs to prove you aren't racist!

 

Have you even considered how much learning they're doing in an environment where they are afraid they're going to get beat up just for showing up?

 

Look, I grew up in Chicago and went to public schools my whole life...because my parents couldn't afford to get me the hell out of there. My high school had its own policeman and metal detectors long before they became fashionable. Between the black gangs, the Hispanic gangs, and the white assh*les, the fights in the lunchroom and the hallways, and the stabbings at the bus stop, the rest of us had a tough time getting any kind of education. When I went to university, I was so pissed off at how far behind I was from everyone else and felt lucky that I even made it into college.

 

Bottom line, if you can afford to send your kids to a school where they can be safe and focus on getting an education, YOU DO NOT HESITATE! Happily ever after is a myth and playing around with your kids' lives is just plain irresponsible.

[Road Rage]

Reverse racism is rampant in the USA and I do not know how long it will take before the tide will turn. You are probably located in Atlanta, Georgia wismom71.

[wismom71]

Reverse racism is rampant in the USA and I do not know how long it will take before the tide will turn. You are probably located in Atlanta, Georgia wismom71.

 

Actually I am in Washington D.C. Why did you think I am in Atlanta?

 

And to all of you know accuse me...I know I know....I'm not perfect...and I'm taking action now.

[wismom71]

hm. What are the circumstances in Atlanta? I might know what you're talking about. Seems like there is tension everywhere, is that what you are talking about? Have you been in a similar sitiuation with your children?

[Road Rage]

Although I have been a victim of extreme racism I take it with a grain of salt. I do not speak about myself concerning Atlanta but what people who are actually there are telling me. It is for real and it is extreme.

[norajane]

Wow. I had no idea...I guess I should know as much as I can before really taking action.

 

The only thing that should be paramount for you is researchng schools and figuring out where you can sign your girls up. It's September - school has already started. What are you waiting for? Why are you here worrying about race tensions in other cities when you have some serious problems with your children?

[wismom71]

The only thing that should be paramount for you is researchng schools and figuring out where you can sign your girls up. It's September - school has already started. What are you waiting for? Why are you here worrying about race tensions in other cities when you have some serious problems with your children?

 

I have tentatively signed them up already at another school. I really don't know if this one is going to be any better but its location reasonable and its tution are within my budget. thank you however, for the prodding

[Road Rage]

What is important to you is other people in your environment that can support you. Everything I have is anecdotal which means it is what others have told me. So, it is of little value in your circumstance.

 

I am well aware of what you term reverse racism is school systems and it is a problem. But, you have to have numbers meaning other people who will come forth and support you.

 

People are afraid generally to do that and that is why it has become such a big problem. No one wants to appear racist yet (reverse) racism has been allowed to flourish because of that.

[Outcast]

It could just be a bad school. That happens to have a majority of one ethnicity in it. So removing the kids from it isn't any sort of racism, it's just getting your precious children out of harm's way.

[wismom71]

It could just be a bad school. That happens to have a majority of one ethnicity in it. So removing the kids from it isn't any sort of racism, it's just getting your precious children out of harm's way.

 

 

The strange thing is, well economically speaking its not that bad of a school. It is pretty well funded, and the students there aren't your average 'ghetto thug' type of kids you would expect at a mostly black school. Most look like they come from middle class to uppermiddle class homes and other than the violence towards my daughters and the other caucasian females I really haven't heard of any big problems behavior wise at the school.

[CrushedOrgans]

 

People are afraid generally to do that and that is why it has become such a big problem. No one wants to appear racist yet (reverse) racism has been allowed to flourish because of that.

 

hit the nail on the head with that one, road rage.