Hello all

Here's the deal. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life lately and realize that one of the major problems has been that I have allowed myself to get into situations where was not a man and take the lead in relationships. I accept full responsibility for my past failings and am now trying to change. No longer will I allow myself to sacrifice my own needs and goals to try to make a serious relationship work. I am going to speak my mind and stand up for myself. I don't know why it has taken so long for me to realize that I was such a wuss. I know that in the future, women will appreciate it more and I will perform better in life overall. I got some balls now.

I'll admit. I was totally maniuplated and played a fool. I did stupid things to try to make a relationship work. I thought it was ultra serious but in the end I got dumped cold turkey...without any notice! I think it was my percieved grovelling that was the poison. I simply worked to hard at trying to make the relationship work! It should have died long before and I set myself up for emotional trauma. Its my own fault. No bitching! I am talking accountability here.

So now..the recent events. There is a girl that I have felt a special connection with. I don't know why but I really felt there was something there. I made an effort for her. I thought we were making progress and I tell you we did have an amazing time hanging out. However, I was in it for a relationship. She started telling me her problems and such. I also knew that she had dated a lot of guys that treated her like ass. I've got the looks, brians, career prospects, wit. I got it all. But I am by nature kind and not into flaunting a bullsyat image just to be cool. But, with that in mind, I'll be damned if I will be relegated to the "lets just be friends" role. So after many interactions together, when I told her again that I was interested in her for more, she gave me the lets just be friends and I freaked out. I pretty much told her that I am not going to play the role of a poodle any more. Nope done with that subervient nonesense. I know what I want and I am going to stand for that.

She said I was acting bitter. She said that I push people away. I saw it as taking as stand for not being a pussy wimp anymore. She says that she is not sure if she likes me and that her last loves came from friendships. Sounds like a load of manipulative BS to me.

Any comments..go ahead be brutal. I feel guilty because she has been under a lot of stress and I know that I did make her feel good. But by god! I got to look out for number one. Time for me to move on rather than being played.

[JCD]

That whole thing about let's be friends and see if we can grow into a relationship is a bunch of BS. Trust me, when a girl likes you she will go nuts to be with you. If she sees you talking to another woman she will be jealous and act weird and then she will get mad at you for ignoring her. You'll know when a girl like that is after you. Your girl is simply not into you. Move on with your life. It's good that you got some balls now and you're also gaining experience. The next girl that tells you she wants to be friends with her, you'll know to dump her and move on. No more hoping to see if anything could happen, giving her attention while you get nada.

[DaNziNgQuEeN1]

I couldn't agree more with you and JCD's comment! Being a female myself...I have to repeat what JCD said. When a woman is TRULY interested in you she will let you know it! Believe me! It may not be directly obvious at first but eventually you'll notice it.

If she starts saying "let's be friends" that means she is NOT INTERESTED and nothing you can do really will ever change the way she feels. Trust me on this one! I admire that you've taken a stand because there are way too many people who don't and that's how they end up getting hurt.

[boshemia]

They are right about the lts be friends thing... but there's more to your post. It looks to me like you have been a doormat for awhile now and you are now at the growing a backbone phase of life...

I sensed something in your post... something I went through a few years back when I got tired of having bruises all the time from people walking all over me.

The bitter quote is what did it... I thought I was being tougher and all I really did was put up this bitch front that totally collapsed the first time it was really put to the test.

That's not being assertive, it's agressive but it's no better than being a doormat. It won't last either. It's been a long hard process, and I highly suggest getting some kind of help with it. But it is totally possible to be assertive without being agressive.

First of all it sounds to me like you need some time to figure out what you really need, some time alone just to get to know yourself.

Trying to be assertive right now is doomed to failure, and adding a new relationship into the mix is a really bad idea. You'll slip back into your old patterns anyways... I know it's difficult but find out who you are, and what you want and commit to it before you let someone else come in and redirect you...

So yeah... commit to yourself first and see what happens... It's not about being the man, and taking the lead... it's about being in charge of your own life.

So... good luck, and sorry it was a bit random it's late.

[Tshepi22]

Sweetie, im a gal myself that chick was trying to play you ok! Move on loolly pop.... Thank God you stoped that before u even fall into it.... Move on brother, as the saying goes there are plenty of fishes in the sea....

Goog luck sweetie...!!!