Hubby and I have argued about his family (his brother and SIL are asses), although he agrees with me that their behavior is not appropriate, but is trying to balance things. We've argued about him being on the computer a lot, but that one is resolved now. We've argued about some woman from Brazil he'd never met who kept emailing him after he got married and that one resolved, too. We've argued about the abortion decision - resolved. We've argued about going to NYC (still haven't gone). That's about it, but it's only been 7 months. Maybe I forgot some little reasons, but it doesn't matter, these were the main ones.
I see a huge progress in our marriage and his adjustment to it. I am much better myself since I stopped drinking 4 weeks ago. I don't have any scars from the fights, i.e. I don't hold anything against him, the battle fields are completely cleared.
All except one - his twin brother's rejection of me. That one I am yet to resolve on my own! The problem with his family (all except his mother, who is wonderful) is not something that will go away by itself. We don't argue often about this and it's more lively discussions than arguments since he is trying to calm me down usually. I think his brother wants me out of his life so I am forced to fight against him with all the strength, patience, wisdom, and nastiness I can find inside me.
Another question: do you have a problem that causes constant or occasional sparkles for fights and is not likely to be resolved easily or at all?
With my ex-husband I mostly fought about his daughter. That one was not likely to ever be resolved. With my first BF I fought about everything; his stupidity, stubbornness, laziness, low-class behavior, and lack of education pissed me off constantly. He was a high-school dropout, 6 years older than me. But hey, I was a high schoolgirl myself at the time.
Alot of times our arguements are rather silly and minor and we both have a good sense of humour and end up picking at each other on some things. However, some of the more serious things we argue about or have argued about were, finances, the kids, and HIS mother. His mother is not an issue anymore since I put her in her place a few years ago. The kids we have gotten better about being or trying to be on the same page about. And the finances, well they are still more of a problem than any thing else right now I guess.
Jade
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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Thanks for your reply, Jade. How do you argue about money? I argued with the first BF (we were together for a long time and living together also) about money, because he didn't mind spending my money and I wasted all my savings on him. He not only took advantage of my generosity (I felt sorry for the lazy loser who couldn't organize his peanuts), but also had pretensions on my ex-step-father's company - to replace his CEO position some day. Now he is married to a hair dresser, has a son, and is still unemployed.
So how is your MIL treating you now? Is she nice to you or did she just stop interfering?
Shes alot better than she used to be. She tried her best to cause trouble and drive a wedge between me and my husband. I finally had enough and told her that she was not going to make my life a living hell becasue of the choices she made. She was a very unhappy woman. For some reason after I stood up to her, she backed off.
The money situation is because this day and time its hard to make it on one income, unless you're a doc/lawyer or own your on business etc. He is the one that enjoys me being home for the kids, but yet bitches about just the one income, his. I'm not high manteince and never go out and buy myself whatever or blow money just to be blowing it. However I'm in the process of getting me ajob maybe part time to help with some things. But what amazes me about him is, he wants me home for the kids but then bitches cuz I don't contribute financlly. So once I do, I bet he will find something else to whine about.
Shes alot better than she used to be. She tried her best to cause trouble and drive a wedge between me and my husband. I finally had enough and told her that she was not going to make my life a living hell becasue of the choices she made. She was a very unhappy woman. For some reason after I stood up to her, she backed off.
The money situation is because this day and time its hard to make it on one income, unless you're a doc/lawyer or own your on business etc. He is the one that enjoys me being home for the kids, but yet bitches about just the one income, his. I'm not high manteince and never go out and buy myself whatever or blow money just to be blowing it. However I'm in the process of getting me ajob maybe part time to help with some things. But what amazes me about him is, he wants me home for the kids but then bitches cuz I don't contribute financlly. So once I do, I bet he will find something else to whine about.
ah you need to jump over to my booby thread and read the last couple of posts there..... your statement her is one good reason why I won't quit working
Tell him you will be a phone sex operator while the kids are away in school...
__________________ MAY THE FORK BE WITH YOU -YOU TAKE THE FUN OUT OF DYSFUNCTIONAL!
ah you need to jump over to my booby thread and read the last couple of posts there..... your statement her is one good reason why I won't quit working
Tell him you will be a phone sex operator while the kids are away in school...
I have been keeping up with your booby thread. Very interesting btw. You know I joked with him about that before, getting a seperate line and being a phone sex operator, he said ok. I have 2 different jobs in the works right now. I don't mind helping out financilly, I guess what gets me is he was the one that wanted or enjoyed me being home but bitched since I didn't contribute the green dough. I mean good grief make up your mind.
I'm not one to argue about small stuff- like the toilet seat or toothpaste. Never have been.
We argue about him using a certain tone when he speaks to me. He deals with teenagers all day- alot of them that are rude- and he forgets to turn it off when he talks to me.
We disagree a bit about money- every once in a while but rarely- probably because we have more than enough to go around.
My major point with him is not keeping me advised of his schedule when it's going to impact me. Such as, it's his job to pick up our kids twice a week. Well something will need to be scheduled for his teams- and he'll schedule it on a pick up day- but won't call me to consult me first. When I make the commute it's 2 1/2 hours to come back home. When he makes it after school it's an hour max! We just had a big blow up about it this weekend.
Jade, even doctors and lawyers have trouble getting by on one income these days. Trust me on that. It's not easy for anyone these days.
Ok, what do we fight about? Nothing big. Let's see: My messes, the fact that I'm not enough of a disciplinarian, his tone of voice, my tone of voice, some dumb thing or another that we both remember differently, my computer time. That's all I can think about right now.
Do they get resolved? Yes, usually...at least temporarily until the next time!
Jade, even doctors and lawyers have trouble getting by on one income these days. Trust me on that. It's not easy for anyone these days.
Yes true and I thought of that and went back in to edit that and add that in as well, but I was to late to edit it. So I guess its more along the lines of its hard for anyone these days wheather its based on one or two incomes.
Jade, even doctors and lawyers have trouble getting by on one income these days. Trust me on that. It's not easy for anyone these days.
Yes true and I thought of that and went back in to edit that and add that in as well, but I was to late to edit it. So I guess its more along the lines of its hard for anyone these days wheather its based on one or two incomes.
Jade
Well how did the Cleavers manage. Ward and June had a nice home, nice clothes, and nice furniture.
Perhaps a one income household thread would be interesting?
What we fight about... his mother and one of his sisters (the other two sisters are my best friends go figure?)
hmmm $$ I'm a SAHM, and he works but his spending habits are less than stellar and so I'm the $$ nazi.... but we really just quabble about this I remind him when he's spending and he quips back at me because he hates the reminder but that's just how we get thru it here lol..
pet peeves... grrrrrr dirty dishes left in the sink when the dishwasher has plenty o room for the dirty ones, clothes lying all over the floor when there's plenty of room in the hamper, beerbottles that areleft lying around instead of rinsed and in the recycling (hmm I guess I'm a neat freak lol)
Then we argue when we've been pent up in the house too long because we both need to get out and being a young couple with two kids and a house and an acre of property that desperately needs some work, with one income sorta limits the ability to get out and do as much as we'd like sometimes.
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He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper. ~*Edmund Burke*~
Most of our arguments have to do with his porn consumption, time management (he is a full time student and also is employed full time, so our free time is limited) and dividing household chores.
Less often we argue about disciplining our son (he thinks I am too lax, and inconsistent), my family (they can be a bit intrusive and it bothers my H) and some financial matters.
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What do you argue about with your spouses?
The kids we have gotten better about being or trying to be on the same page about. And the finances, well they are still more of a problem than any thing else right now I guess. 
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