[lo_lo]

As a little girl i went through so much hurt and drama. And it turned me into this fragile person. Always getting hurt and taken advantage of and not doing anything about it. Before i wouldnt care about anything. And when i say anything i literally mean it. The only consolation i would get, was from writting in journal and letting all my feelings out. I never really liked talking about my problems growing up. I kept everything inside.

Now that im 20 years old going on to 21 things are almost the same. In some way im still afraid to stand up for myself. It's not that i don't want to, but something inside me won't let me. I get so mad at myself for this. I try not to blame my past life or my life as a child. I don't want to be blaming anyone. This is my life and i should be the one taking responsibility for my own actions.

But lately i feel so bad and ashamed for being this way. I want to take control of my life and sometimes i just don't know how. I don't want to be this poor girl who everyone is gonna feel sorry for because of the things i've been through. But the truth is that, I am a strong person and can live life just fine. But trying to find a way to actually living it right is the difficult part. I'm not sure where to start with myself or my life.......

Can my attitude towards life be changed or even helped?? ( i know it can) LOL but how??

I'm getting sick of myself!! I need to be different and not be this sad person!!!