As you all know, I just recently broke up with my GF of 4 years because some guy came and "swept her off her feet". And she decided to just up and leave me because she feels we are going nowhere and I don't truly love her. We were eachother's first and I was wondering:
For all you ladies out there, whether you've been in one relationship or multiple, do you ever think back of your first lover, or boyfriend you really liked a lot but couldn't love. I am not only talking about him being your first sexually, I'm also talking about him being the first guy you LOVED and cared about so much that it hurted when you weren't together and you would do anything to please him to make him happy, just basically go outta your way.
So ladies tell me,
1) Who broke it off, you or him?
2) Do you think about your first lover, even though you are madly in love with another guy?
I dunno know the purpose of this thread is, all I wanna know is if its true that girls do think back of their first.
My EX GF told me on one of our first talks when she broke the news to me that she is leaving me, that she will always think of her first. But I dunno how she can she is so much in love with this new guy and thinks about him all day and I repulse her and we don't talk anymore, why would she think about me???????????
No matter how many people come into our lives, that first significant love will always be remembered. I can recall my first love very, very clearly. I'm 36 now.... at the time he dumped me, I was 19. Do I look back with pain and anger...? No. I don't. I only remember fondness and sweetness. The first significant love tells us about who we are romantically and helps us to define our boundaries of what we want. Sometimes those loved-up pairs are so well matched that they never separate but they grow together. More often though, when you're growing (emotionally) you come to realise what your boundaries are (or are not) and you grow to meet them. Your ex-girlfriend is simply growing up from the person you know. She won't forget you. How can she..?
Sometimes if you broke off 'badly' it takes a looonnng time to remember the good times. Breakups are a bitch and we say and do stuff we later regret but in the end the first person you give your heart/body to has that special place and unless he was a total dick-head (in which case we always remember them but as the total dick-head that was my first love...) we eventually (EVENTUALLY, like after a long time ...) remember them with fondness.
That said..
Don't hold your breath she'll come back but don't take to heart the cruel words either - I'm sure she was feeling rotten for what she was doing and the best way to feel less rotten about yourself is to make someone else feel worse...
R
Ps I got my heart good and broke the first time I fell in love but it turned out that was only a practise swing in the great game of luurv so hang on in there!
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"Never think you've seen the last of anything" Eudora Welty:
I broke it off, and no, I don't think about him. We were together 6 years and engaged. I remember the day I moved out very vividly...after the moving truck left, I said my goodbyes with lots of tears. By the time I got downstairs and settled into the car, wiping away the tears, a parade had begun and I was trapped in my car with clowns and bands walking by.
I thought about him for a while afterward, but mostly in a 'relieved to finally be free' kind of way. Later, the fonder memories were more prevalent, but in a vague, "was that really me?" kind of way. These days, I never think of him at all. Only when someone asks about my first love.
I'm not sure how old you were when you started your relationship, but my first love was when I was 15/he was 16. And when I look back, I can honestly say that that was one relationship where I can't even remember what was ever bad between us. He started college, I had a year left of HS and my parents wouldn't let me go to college anywhere near him. The distance was too much and I eventually started dating someone else.
We did get back together briefly after I graduated, but we had clearly grown in separate directions.
I have very fond memories of him, and do remember how in love we were, but had never entertained the idea of what it would be like if we had hooked up again. It comes down to this; earlier loves are a time of self-discovery and learning who you are and what kind of person you are looking for. To find someone at a young age with whom you can evolve is very rare.
But, yeah, I still think of him on occasion (and this is after 20 years). But that's me. Just don't give her any reason to look back and recoil.
My first ever relationship? I hardly think about him at all except of course, now that I put my mind to it. My first love? Yeah I think about him fondly, but without desire.
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This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet.
i think it depends on the reason and way the break up happened. i do not think about guys i left who did me wrong and kind of pushed me into leaving them. somehow most of the time the men are to blame .. i do not much think about those guys as its something to do with pride.. i feel that your ex gfriend may be in different category as she left you for she fell for someone else and then to blame it on you, she said she thought that you were going nowhere and you do not love her.. will this guy love her and will they go where she wants it to go is left to be seen.
in the meantime do not be surprised if she wants you back because you were her first love and she is only trying to find with someone else something that was lacking with you.. i feel for you but this is a difficult question... i think she is thinking of you all the time .. and she is probably comparing the new relationship with what she had with you especially since you were together for a long time .. there is a great chance she may want you back as this may just be a rebound or short lived affair. but if you did her something bad which spurred her into having an affair (maybe she thought there would be no marriage) maybe she will not call back that soon .. sorry about rumbling with some thoughts hope it helps
in the meantime do not be surprised if she wants you back because you were her first love and she is only trying to find with someone else something that was lacking with you
Quote:
there is a great chance she may want you back as this may just be a rebound or short lived affair.
I WISH Quest, I SO WISH THAT SHE WOULD TAKE ME BACK. I just hope she hasn't had sex with him yet as she already slept over his house lastnight and is probably doing so tonight, and its only been a week since their first date. I feel he is already manipulating her. . If they did have sex then chances are I am done with her for good.
Bimmer, Bimmer, Bimmer, do you realize you are creating the misery in which you are living right now?
That BITCH has mistreated you, played with your heart, then thrown it on the ground and stomped on it.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON BACK?
You dont, what the problem is is that you want what you can't have, and you want to eternally live in the great moments that you two shared.
The reality is that your life is not over - it's barely even begun, actually - and that you'll eventually find a woman who is BETTER than her, way better.
The sooner you accept and realize this, move on and grow a spine, the better off you'll be. It could make the difference between months and years.
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But that's me. Just don't give her any reason to look back and recoil.
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