Hi...I need advice for all of the problems that are kicking around my head.
I dont know if I will get a response to my specific question, as it is somewhat limiting.
I want you guys to help me solve an argument, between myself and my BF of 2 years whom I am living with.
He is spanish, I am american. Naturally there are cultural differences at play here, but my problem seems to be exactly where the lines are blurred as far as respect is concerned.
What I am really seeking is an opinion from those of you who are spanish, or have been brought up in a spanish household, particularly the women, but of course I want everyones opinion as well.
My BF watches these programs on TV, that I initially despised, but after a while I became indifferent. I find these shows to be degrading to women, extremely objectifying, and over the top overtly sexual. Every program he watches, aside from the news,seems to be geared towards sex, sexiness, sexual encounters, sexual context. The women are usually dressed in bras and underwear, and in short, behave like airheaded bimbos that men are supposed to drool over.
I can understand that spanish culture is extremely sensual, sexually provocative, and so on, but it is extremely degrading at times as well.
My main issue is with one program. This program is extremely risque, goes above and beyond tacky. The program features "strippers" that sit there, with pasties on their boobs (those little stick on stickers that cover the nipples) and these tiny little lacy thongs that just barely cover their err...womanhood, and obviously leaves their butts bare, the thong part being sucked into the crack and everything. They dance provocatively around like strippers, rubbing themselves and each other. Every 2 minutes is a cut to them bending over, jiggling their boobs (by laughing in a way to make them bounce and bob) or some other action completely sexual in nature, getting up and flouncing about.
The main host is a man who obviously encourages this behaviour. The whole show is centered around sex. Sex with men, with women, with men and women, sex toys, complete with blow by blow (ha ha ha) commentary and demonstrations,porn, massages,hookers, fetishes,basically anything sexual in nature. The topics for disscussion vary but the main theme is obviously sex.
I specifically have a problem with the "how-to manuals" on cheating, adultry, how to get away with it, listing what websites to go to for sex, how to cover it up, what to do if your caught, basically encouraging people to gorge themselves in any possible sexual thing they can do and how to cover their tracks while doing it.
He thinks I am acting like a jealous,ridiculous old shrew when I ask him to turn it off, but to be honest, there is only so much of that sickening behaviour I can stomach. I get no thrill out of seeing women scantily clad and acting like bimbos. I told him as much. Thing is, their programs are not even balanced or fair. There is no equivelent for women, ie shows featuring scantily clad men. If they do happen to show one, it is few and far between and usually it is to make light of it as in homosexually speaking.
Do you think I am asking too much to be spared a moments peace from these tacky programs? Am I right to throw issue with the programs that center around cheating and covering tracks? Is it really because I am a jealous ridiculous old shrew, or because I am american or because even if I was a spanish woman, it would not be tolerated? (Hence the reason I was asking advice from a spanish woman)
I'm not Spanish, so can't help you there. However, if you want some peace, I'd suggest leaving the room or the house whenever he watches these shows. If he finds himself alone all the time, maybe he'll start to get it how they bother you.
If he can't respect your feelings, are you sure that you're a good match? This isn't just going to go away...
Okay, your not spanish, but surely you must have an opinion on it, right? Do you think that it is kind of disrespectful? Or is it normal?
If I left the room every time those programs were on, I would never be home! We rent a room out of a house, so I basically feel suffocated with little choice but to bear with it. It doesnt phase him if I walk away, tried that tactic before, but he has a strong stubborn streak and he just cant stand to lose.
He was blisteringly mad that I was furious about that one program, and I actually felt really uncomfortable trying to restrict it, I dont want to be the harping petty GF, but geez, its too much to bear sometimes.
Tragic, I'm Cuban-American and when I'd visit my grandparents they would always have Univision, or Telemundo on. They would have many programs with women dressed provacatively, but nothing on the level you are describing. I think most of them were no worse than Benny Hill.
Is this a porno channel he's watching? What channel is this?
I'm not spanish but from what I have read, I don't think you are being a shrew. I think he just doesn't care what you think. As a man I find that kind of stuff ridiculous to begin with and there is only so much I can take, and this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by tragic
I specifically have a problem with the "how-to manuals" on cheating, adultry, how to get away with it, listing what websites to go to for sex, how to cover it up, what to do if your caught, basically encouraging people to gorge themselves in any possible sexual thing they can do and how to cover their tracks while doing it.
IMO is just ridiculous in the extreme. If my wife were watching a similar show geared toward women, I would be extremely pissed off and tell her so in no uncertain terms that it is NOT acceptable.
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"I'm afraid the strain was more than he could bear" - Doc Holiday - Tombstone
Do you live in the Miami area, or do you get special latino-sattelite with many Spanish channels?
Like I said, I haven't seen shows like that on the main Spanish networks, but I've visited my cousins in Miami and have been shocked at some of the programs they allow on standard cable channels. Shocked and delighted.
Latin culture is very sexual. It's just the way it is. There are exceptions, though. My mother worships the Virgin Mary and would certainly be offended by that sort of content.
I understand the sexual culture, but it borders on obscene and tacky at times, and often, I find myself turning red with embarrassment and squirming uncomfortably.
I am not a prude, but damn, take a little pride and show a little class--the world is not going to cave in if for one day you actually showed an intelligent side--I feel like I cannot hold a stimulating conversation with any of the women in this culture, it immediately veers towards the mundane and droll, and turns into a constant competition for the menfolks attention, bending, squatting, thrusting, geez, get ahold of your body parts, woman! Its exhausting just watching it!
I understand the sexual culture, but it borders on obscene and tacky at times, and often, I find myself turning red with embarrassment and squirming uncomfortably.
I am not a prude, but damn, take a little pride and show a little class--the world is not going to cave in if for one day you actually showed an intelligent side--I feel like I cannot hold a stimulating conversation with any of the women in this culture, it immediately veers towards the mundane and droll, and turns into a constant competition for the menfolks attention, bending, squatting, thrusting, geez, get ahold of your body parts, woman! Its exhausting just watching it!
Oh, Tragic, I'm jealous, I just love Miami. I drive down there once a month just to soak it in.
I know what programs you're talking about now. I've seen them and you're right, they're insane. I kind of like them, though, for about ten-fifteen minutes, then I get bored. It's the same with internet porno.
If you want to talk about something other than sex with a Cuban woman, talk about cooking. The love talking about cooking. Also children seems like a pretty hot topic . And you can talk about politics, but BEWARE!!! You better be a Republican and spit on the on the ground anytime anybody mentions a Kennedy.
I think I am a bit controversial, I dislike Bush. Actually, I dislike the whole government. More often than not, I am regarded as a special needs child, spoken to verrrrry slowly as if I dont understand, or upon entering a room, there is this hushed, constrained silence that seems to permeate through everything until I leave the room again. I dont think I am well liked, but then, its not something I lose sleep over. When someone introduces me, they tell them I am my BF's wife, who is an american, as if it is not apparent. They are quick to note that I cant speak spanish, and dont bother trying to talk to me because I cant understand.
I give them my best "foreign girl lost and forlorn" look while I smile secretly. The truth is, I can speak, read and write spanish. Needless to say, things get pretty interesting after that little fact has been revealed.
Tragic, you're better off than me, I can't write in Spanish and my speaking abilities are elementary at best. My father is American, so I know all about inter-cultural relations in the Cuban-American community.
I get that look from my relatives sometimes, that I'm the gringo, but my American relatives always think of me as a little bit ethnic.
If you get to know a lot of the Cubans, I think you'll find that most of them don't care for that kind of progamming. Many Cubans over here are well educated professionals who don't have time for that crap. There's a lot of upward mobiltiy in the C/A community.
Many Cubans over here are well educated professionals who don't have time for that crap
I must be hanging out in all the wrong parts. Does not apply whatsoever.
Another annoying habit of theirs is anything that idiosyncratic of me, they try to flush out by applying a blanket statement such as "the americans are that way".....anything to crush what is unique in me.
I'm not Spanish but lived in Spain for many years as did my SO. TV in Spain can be pretty shocking, especially on a Friday night. I always found that Spanish women disliked this sort of thing as much as you do and witnessed flaming rows between wives and husbands. It doesn't really matter what culture he is from, if you are really unhappy with seeing these shows, he shouldn't watch them when you are around. If he's like this about TV, what will he be like when other issues come up? What are his attitudes about infidelity? He's not showing you any respect.
So this guy has sufficient good qualities to outweigh this behaviour? You write rather well - in a way that bespeaks intelligence. Are you two really a good match?
Here in Italy programmes like the one you described are the exception, not the rule - you might get one once in a while and usually late in the evening/night, but many tv shows are still tacky.
Many women do not mind, a few others (including myself, some girls I know and some relatives of mine) do.
I get the feeling that a guy who watches that stuff is hardly ever considered to be lacking of respect to his partner.
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We rent a room out of a house, so I basically feel suffocated with little choice but to bear with it. It doesnt phase him if I walk away, tried that tactic before, but he has a strong stubborn streak and he just cant stand to lose. 
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