i recently read the article suggested by tony on soul mates. my girl friend of 3 years (and best friend of several years prior to that) broke up a month ago. we thought we had the perfect thing and had truly found our soul mates in each other. but as time progressed (according to her) i started to take her for granted and driving her away. she said it was due to low self esteem on my part. we started fighting a lot and eventually decided to part ways. it hurt a lot but now she has started dating someone else and says she might be falling in love with him. also now she wants to be friends again and at least redeem our friendship. does anyone think it at all possible for us to be best friends again after sharing an almost perfect relationship for so long. she called a few days back and said she was going to be in the same part of town as me and whether we could meet up. we had lunch together. i went only because i missed her so much and hope to be back with her one day. she on the other hand was pretty sure she is moving on with her life. all the pain i felt immediately after we separated came back that day again. we obviously have different agendas now and conflict of interest here so i think i should not see her anymore till i get over her completly also. any advice anyone??

[Tony T]

There is absolutely NO reason to torture yourself by being her friend and listening to how her love affair with her new guy is going. Unless you are certifiably insane and a masochist, you want to stay as far away from this girl as possible for as long as possible.

How would you feel if you were "friends" and she came to you in a few months and told you she was pregnant by her new love and wants to invite you to her December wedding. I can't write the words here to describe what your feelings probably would be.

It takes TWO extremely mature people to restore a friendship a year or so later after serious dating and a break up. It also depends on the intensity of the relationship.

You also need to GIVE UP this idea of ever getting back together with her. If you are waiting around for her to come back into your life, you could qualify for and be receiving Social Security payments when her husband dies...and then, she will probably have someone else at the rest home lined up.

Don't be cruel to yourself. The ONLY way you are going to heal from all this is to stay away from her. The fact that she is dating someone and may be falling in love tells me she is long over you. The conduct you describe is that of a girl who will not want to return to a relationship with you. She told you about her new love either to make you jealous because she is still angry at you or to get your butt to move on because she thinks enough of you to want you to be happy.

There is NO constructive purpose for a friendship with this girl and she won't have the kind of time you would like for a friendship now with her new life going. Her guy will probably not like her having any meaningful association with an ex anyway.

I hope you will choose to move on!!!