[jessssss]

I know I could possibly reading too far into this but I had to start another thread...
My bf has a myspace account. Right now he has high school friends, a stripper - one that has like 2million other friends and then this other girl from our town. well he doesn't know her, i have read the emails. as i have said before we shared the account a while back and he must have forgotten that i had the password. i used it to look at my friends and him the same...never conversated with them.

well we're on the 4th email from this girl and he told her he was in a relationship and was happy...and she asked if he would like to chat or meet up for a drink and he said that he would like to and is glad that him having a gf didn't shun her away...he repeated that he liked meeting new people and then had the audacity to say that he thought she was hot. she wrote him back and said something bitchy like how she feels sorry for his girlfriend (ME!!) cause he seems to be entertaining the talk of going out for a drink and such. he hasn't written her back for that one. i'm just waiting to see how he reacts. she wants to meet wednesday...now think about this--this is only 4 emails total they have EVER exchanged and she's asking him out and it seems liek he's considering...this is so upsetting to me. i've never thougth i had any reason to worry or not trust him...do i still???

i can't let him know i've seen these cause then he'll lose my trust and say i shouldn't have been nosey and how he thought i was done with the account. guys have a really good way at turning things around...so i don't even want him to know that i got on his account...it is his account...

what do i do?? wait to see if he goes out with her on wednesday and bust him?? or see how long it goes on?? for example ifh e goes out wednesday nad lies and then comes home with liquor breath i can pin him down on that and see if he tells me the truth...

what did i do to deserve this to happen?!?!

[rkman]

Well we all have different standards. Cheating to some, is meaningless to others.

Tell him what you did. Tell him that you are sorry, as I'm sure you feel extremely guilty, but be strong at the same time in telling him that you want more information as to the nature of these relationships. After this you must accept the consequences of your actions and deal with them. By not tellign him you are lying to yourself and possibly allowing him to lie to you. You may just be thinking the worst, or you may be giving yourself the opportunity to see his reaction.

[jessssss]

i think i'm guilty of giving myself the opportunity to see his reaction to this girl...i dont' want him to know i looked cause i will lose all trust, i know how he works - if he feels he's pinned down, which in this case i will, he will turn it around and say that i didn't trust him and i was snooping. granted, that is in basic terms, what i was doing but my accusations will get lost in the mix and it will all turn on me...probably cause he is guilty.

i'm goign ot ride it out for another day...see if he writes her tonight...i feel hurt right now. i have enough crap gonig on in my life that i've been down about...now this....we live together...we're talking marriage...wtf...

[rkman]

Originally Posted by jessssss

i think i'm guilty of giving myself the opportunity to see his reaction to this girl...i dont' want him to know i looked cause i will lose all trust, i know how he works - if he feels he's pinned down, which in this case i will, he will turn it around and say that i didn't trust him and i was snooping. granted, that is in basic terms, what i was doing but my accusations will get lost in the mix and it will all turn on me...probably cause he is guilty.

i'm goign ot ride it out for another day...see if he writes her tonight...i feel hurt right now. i have enough crap gonig on in my life that i've been down about...now this....we live together...we're talking marriage...wtf...

Turning it around means one of two things;

1) Guilty
2) Hurt

If he's hurt by it, and he cares for you as well, he'll at least explain it to you. If he's guilty, he'll avoid the issue altogether.

As I said before, there is more than one reason for being HONEST with him at this point.

[tdotrhom]

I would monitor his emails as well. You need to address it with him. I am also a giant snoop and when I first starting seeing my current boyfriend I broke into his email account and he tore me up even though we were not exclusive. He did not meet anyone but it really bothered me and for months consumed, I was checking him email up to 5 times a day. I wouldn't tell him you snooped but try to tell him a story about someone else, a new story, a movie and try to mold it to your situation. Maybe that will shed some light on it for him. Like my current boyfriend, at the beginning he was emailing girls, implying that he was interested but he never did anything. I think it may be flatterening to him, his ego. You need to decide how far you are willing to let it go. If, and if he makes plans I would make other plans to make sure he can't meet her. If he actually meets her it would be something you might never be able to get over, even if it is innocent.

[lostinyouth]

Confront him. His reaction will tell you weather it is cheating or not. Yes you were snooping, but if anyone in this situation is losing trust it's him. You apparently care for him and if the feelings he has for you are mutual he should not have any problem explaining himself... I know from experiance that impulses excalate intentions. Even if he is just going to meet a new friend, that happens to be a girl, there is opportunity for anything. If it makes you feel uncomfortable let him know. Communication is very important to any significant relationship. If you can't communicate your needs and feelings then there are somethings you need to figure out about where your relationship is going. Good luck.

[jessssss]

well i have a small update...looks as though the girl wrote back and wanted to meet up for drinks in reply to his email. he told her he was in a relationship and was happy but loved meeting new people and would love to chat sometime. makes me feel good he atleast told her he had someone and was happy but why woudl he go as far as to want to chat and then say that he may go get a drink with her and it's not hard talking to an attracctive person and repeated he loved to meet new people. is he just pumping his ego and leading this girl on just getting a kick out of it or would he really meet up with her????!!
when the girl asked if thsi week woudl be ag ood day he hasnt responded to that email. we'll see where this goes. if tehre is any phone number switching or anything, i'm done with this. that is cheating to me. i dont' care if it is just innocent meeting someone...prob not in her eyes.
he's a guy who is wanting to ditch his gf to meet her, now c'mon tell me what you think...

i'm not saying anything until i really have something, and i know i shouldn't be on his account but i think i need to right now. why would he do this? if he's taling to her who knows what he's doing on his other email accounts.

AND he has only talked to her 4 times...and she's wanting to go get a drink!! WHAT!?!!?!!! IF HE SAYS OKAY....then i know it's really over...i'm scared but at teh same time im' not...i think he could just be having fun and having his ego boosted..i dotn' know waht to think really...