Give Me an Honest Answer: Women and Their Insecurities
I will give you a little background and I would really appreciate an honest answer. Please respond as a guest if you wish your reply to remain anonymous.
I am 36 years old. I have been very happy with my life since I was about 25 or 26. I have outgrown all my limiting insecurities and can say I am grateful to the Creator for giving me the opportunity to experience this life.
I have met and dated several women, some good, some great, other just bad. I mean that in every aspect of the words. Only one of those women I have dated, I could see myself having children with; the irony is she could have none. We had talked about adopting, but she finally told me it would not be fair for me to go through life without my own genetic children; we broke up soon after.
My most horrible experience with women has been their jealousy. Every woman I have dated has been jealous of me talking or making friends with other women. Although I have outgrown the need to “sow” my seeds, I could never understand their jealousy toward other women.
If you are a woman, please tell me what makes you insecure about your man and other women?
When I was younger (16 to 25 years of age) I was insecure and jealous that I may not have been good looking enough, rich enough or smart enough for my partner.
What are your issues?
Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my question.
Weird, for some reason I thought yuo were MUCH younger.
As for jealousy, I believe that a healthy, stable woman will not be overly jealous in a relationship if she knows that she is loved, and has no real reason to be jealous.
Sometimes I think women overanalyze things and drive themselves with questions like "is she prettier than me? Does she have a better body? Does he have more fun with her?"
I don't have a jealousy problem and I'm so glad, but I also have never had any issues with being cheated on or dumped for a friend, I believe that if I have, I would be a more jealous person.
If you are a woman, please tell me what makes you insecure about your man and other women?
Well I'm not a woman SAPIENS but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last nite
My theory is that women are extremely competitive when it comes to men and most women know all of the "tricks of the trade" of how women get (or steal) and keep men. Women also know that most men are fairly weak when it comes to women. Women also know that most men can be fairly easily manipulated by women. There are other reasons too but we won't go into them.
The problem with people in relationships befriending people of the opposite gender is that friendship is a road to love. Read the infidelity forums for a while one day. Bunches of the posts start out 'I only meant to be friends with him but we fell in love' etc.
When you're in a relationship, make tons of friends of your own gender, but you have to avoid being friends with folks on the other half of the gender line. You can be pals or acquaintances, but not spend-time-alone-together, share-joys-and-sorrows, support-and-help type friends because that's what people who love each other do and that's how friendship can become love.
So it's not about 'jealousy' or 'insecurity' but rather the absolute truth that friendship very often can lead to love so it's not an unrealistic fear.
My biggest worry would be that someone would be failing to face problems; that there'd be something he'd not like or want changed or was troubled or bothered by but rather than bringing it up for resolution, would just let it fester until it did too much damage to be repaired. Again, not an unrealistic fear; lots and lots of relationships break up because one or both people simply will not engage in problem-solving.
Sometimes I think women overanalyze things and drive themselves with questions like "is she prettier than me?
Does she have a better body?
Does he have more fun with her?"
Those two first questions I have heard, not the third. At my commissioning ball my gf was the best looking woman there. She overheard another woman compliment me, she lost it, ruining my great night.
I broke up with her soon after that.
I do remember her asking me if she was prettier than her, even though all the other men in my class were willing to do anything to be with my gf because "she was so hot."
Well I'm not a woman SAPIENS but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last nite
LOL!
Quote:
Originally Posted by alphamale
My theory is that women are extremely competitive when it comes to men and most women know all of the "tricks of the trade" of how women get (or steal) and keep men. Women also know that most men are fairly weak when it comes to women. Women also know that most men can be fairly easily manipulated by women. There are other reasons too but we won't go into them.
Excellent points Alpha! But let's heard from the ladies.
She overheard another woman compliment me, she lost it, ruining my great night.
-Sapiens
I have a hard time understanding what sort of grown woman would act like this. When someone compliments my bf (well...when I have one) it makes me feel good, and happy for him.
As for jealousy, I believe that a healthy, stable woman will not be overly jealous in a relationship if she knows that she is loved, and has no real reason to be jealous.
How do you define love?
Would you agree that love also includes trust, discipline and honesty in its definition?
I have a hard time understanding what sort of grown woman would act like this. When someone compliments my bf (well...when I have one) it makes me feel good, and happy for him.
When other men compliment my lady, I am proud and happy for me and her. I know what I have and feel fortunate for her being part of my life. I know they know I am also fortunate to have her.
There are some guys who have the ability to have platonic relationships with women, but from my experience, the vast majority seek only one thing. You sound like you are in the minority, but understand it's probably your gf's experinence that other men have de-valued her. On the other hand, she may not be insecure with herself, but she knows you are a good catch, and there will be other girls who think the same. She might trust you, but not these other women who may be opportunists.
When you make these other girl 'friends', do you include your gf in your activities, or are you going out one-on-one with these other girls? Are you completely open with your gf about the events that take place?
Since you asked for complete honesty, I will ask you the same. Would you consider dating any of these other girls should something go wrong between you and gf? Is there a possibility that you may be keeping some options available to you (subconsciously even) for the event that things don't work out?
First of all I wanted to relate with your story of the girl you loved breaking up with you because she couldn't have children. The exact same thing happened to me with someone I was seeing on and off for a year and really had feelings for. I can't have anymore children (I have one young son) and when I told him this, he broke it off saying I was being selfish and I later found out he was the last male of his family and needed to keep the family name alive. Sort of understandable, he just could have told me in a less hurtful way. It took me almost a year to get over it.
Anywho, about women and their insecurities and jealousy. It is simple really. Alot of women place all of their self esteem and self worth on the man they are with. Somehow their men "define" them. This is not healthy at all!! I was that way in my teens, as are prolly all teen girls. Your statis in high school is the best looking or most popluar guy you snagged. It's almost like you take your heart and tape it to the guys head. Some women never grow up in that particular area. I let jealousy rule my thinking for several years, then finally it was giving me so much grief that I let it go. Now that I have found someone who truely loves me, I have no need to be insecure or jealous. We both have friends and talk to the opposite sex and it is not an issue. A good way to clear up any jealousy issues in the beginning of a relationship is to set up boundaries so that you know what lines to not cross. Any women who is insanely jealous is putting all of her self worth onto her man. It honestly feels to them that if she looses her man, she has lost everything. If you notice, career oriented, indepenant women do not have many jealousy issues because they don't feel they "need" a man. It wouldn't make a difference if they had one or not, they could still make it through life. There are exceptions of course. It is also a maturity thing. Mature women know what to look for in a man such as fidelity, loyalty, maturity, and respect so that she doesn't have to worry about him. JMHO
__________________ Donna: Samantha, you'll have to excuse my friend Jackie. She has a speech impediment that makes everything sound b*tchy.
Last edited by Tim'sAngel; 17th June 2006 at 10:04 PM.
Would you agree that love also includes trust, discipline and honesty in its definition?
-Sapiens
I wont know how to really type out how I personally define love, but what I meant by that was that when a woman is in a happy, healthy relationship and feels loved and wanted by her partner she is much less likely to be jealous, than a woman that is in a relationship where she is not valued and does not feel special or loved.
There are some guys who have the ability to have platonic relationships with women, but from my experience, the vast majority seek only one thing. You sound like you are in the minority, but understand it's probably your gf's experinence that other men have de-valued her. On the other hand, she may not be insecure with herself, but she knows you are a good catch, and there will be other girls who think the same. She might trust you, but not these other women who may be opportunists.
What you are describing wouldn't make for jealousy, more so caution. If she really trusted him, she wouldn't get mad because he looked in the general direction of another female.
she may not be insecure with herself, but she knows you are a good catch, and there will be other girls who think the same. She might trust you, but not these other women who may be opportunists.
In my view, the woman can offer herself, but if I have not chosen to be with her, I will not accept her. Not even for a one night stand.
Quote:
Originally Posted by konfuzd
When you make these other girl 'friends', do you include your gf in your activities, or are you going out one-on-one with these other girls? Are you completely open with your gf about the events that take place?
In my professional circle there are a lot of trophy wives, and beautiful women. Yes, she is included and depended upon to represent me well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by konfuzd
Since you asked for complete honesty, I will ask you the same. Would you consider dating any of these other girls should something go wrong between you and gf?
If we broke up yes, but not if I was involved with her and in a relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by konfuzd
Is there a possibility that you may be keeping some options available to you (subconsciously even) for the event that things don't work out?
No. I give my 100% commitment. Not to sound like a snob, but if I wanted another woman I could have her. I have chosen her, she has accepted me, that is all that matters to me.
Alot of women place all of their self esteem and self worth on the man they are with. Somehow their men "define" them.Any women who is insanely jealous is putting all of her self worth onto her man. It honestly feels to them that if she looses her man, she has lost everything.
Excellent point, that makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim'sAngel
If you notice, career oriented, indepenant women do not have many jealousy issues because they don't feel they "need" a man. It wouldn't make a difference if they had one or not, they could still make it through life.
Interesting, I know lots of them and they are afraid to form a relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim'sAngel
It is also a maturity thing. Mature women know what to look for in a man such as fidelity, loyalty, maturity, and respect so that she doesn't have to worry about him. JMHO
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