[StKin]

I have known this guy (20 yrs old) for about a year, as I work with him. I didn’t have any feelings for him until starting this past January. We started hanging out in February, and we get together all the time, four or five times per week and talk on the phone multiple times per day. I thought this might be going somewhere, and loll and behold, a co-worker (yes we work together) gave him her daughter’s phone number. We kept very quiet about our friendship at work, so no one knew until very recently, but they do not know to the degree. I got very jealous (which is unlike me) when he didn’t reveal this to me and mentioned calling her to other co-workers. Well, we had a talk, and he does not want a commitment to me, BUT he is not going to date this girl (or any other girl) from the sound of it either.

We are very compatible personality wise since we are around each other so much and we are very attracted to each other. We make plans for this summer and fall, including small vacations. When we hang out, we go do date-like things, like movies and dinner, and we go to each other’s houses. But one big point is nothing has ever happened since I have stated I won’t unless I am officially going out with the person. I can not ignore the fact he said he doesn’t want a commitment, but his actions and words also say something else.

I am older (23 years) and I have only been in one long term, five and a half year relationship with my ex-fiance, so I don’t have a lot of experience to fall back on. This would be my first relationship since that ended a year and a half ago. The consensus between my friends and family (no one has met him yet though) is that he is young and confused. He calls me his girlfriend every so often, but I am so frustrated.... Again, I don’t want to forget what he said, but I guess I don’t know exactly what it is that he want when his actions (being touchy feely, tickling, massages, etc) don’t match. I think I am going to have a wait and watch approach, but not stop seeing other people if they come along. But since I really like him, it would make it difficult on a new relationship.

I just want to see some more biased opinions. I wasn't dating 19/20 yr old boys when I was that age (my ex was 4 years older than me), so I am not sure what he want or even if he knows what he wants. He acts confused quite often.

[MadDog]

When you're considering commiting your time and emotions into someone, you have to assess whether the person falls under one of two categories: 1. Ready for a relationship and 2. Not ready for a relationship. It's pretty obvious to me that based on how you describe this guy, he's not ready for a relationship. There's nothing you can really do except to keep your emotions from getting too involved and keeping your eye open for other prospects.