Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I just wanted opinions on what people are ok with when in an exclusive relationship. Do you think its appropriate or disrespectul if your S/O goes to bars/clubs that are the type you can possibly meet people in without you? Or for you does it depend on the frequency of the times--such as once a month is ok but not once a week?
If you're really uncomfortable with it, I don't think they should go just out of respect for you. If they really want to go or be with their friends, maybe you two should talk more about it.
If you don't have enough trust to let you SO go out to a bar with his/her friends, there is either something very wrong in your relationship, or you're insecure.
If you don't have enough trust to let you SO go out to a bar with his/her friends, there is either something very wrong in your relationship, or you're insecure.
I agree with this. If you have to worry every time your SO leaves the house, then there's a problem. Newsflash, if they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat, and no amount of control you attempt to exert is going to change that. If anything, it will drive them away.
It is not disrespectful for someone to have a life and friends when they are in a relationship. You are two separate people. You share your lives, plural, LIVES.
I don't exactly like it when my BF gets to go out clubbing but it's not for insecure reasons, I just hate knowing if I can't go it's usually because I have plans or have to work early, and I get jealous that I can't go too.
Occasionally/regularly it is good to have a girls and boys night where each respective partner goes out somewhere different to the other with their friends and has a good time.
If they have some time away from you they have the opportunity to miss you.
If they get 'hit on' they have the opportunity to say they're happily seeing someone.
If they hook up with someone then you know it took something as little as a night out to stray and that's not someone you will ever feel comfortable being with anyhow.
Most of the time they just want to drink beer, talk about sport and pick playful fights with each other. They can hook up with someone in any situation, not just in a bar. They could do it on a train, at a cafe at lunch time, in the office at work. Don't try to control what you cannot.
Yeah, the only reason it bugs me ever is because I'm jealous. I have to be at work really early, and he doesn't, so he can go out on weeknights when I can't. It sucks! But if I really thought I needed to worry I'd break it off.
If you're really uncomfortable with it, I don't think they should go just out of respect for you. If they really want to go or be with their friends, maybe you two should talk more about it.
See, that's where you get into a slippery slope.
"Oh, you don't want me to hang out with my friends at the club because you're uncomfortable? Okay honey."
"You don't want me to hang out with my friend who's a girl even though we've been friends way before we got together? Okay honey."
"You don't want me to hang out with my friends at all? You don't like some of my friends and they make you feel uncomfortable when I hang out with them? Okay honey."
Where do you draw the line? Practically anything can make a jealous person feel "uncomfortable." I've realized you just have to put your foot down from the beginning. I tried to be nice in relationships and listen to girls who would make some requests like this. I'm way over that stage now. If you don't like what I do or who my friends are, just don't date me. It's much easier for me to date another girl than to try to live up to ridiculous requests.
Occasionally/regularly it is good to have a girls and boys night where each respective partner goes out somewhere different to the other with their friends and has a good time.
If they have some time away from you they have the opportunity to miss you.
If they get 'hit on' they have the opportunity to say they're happily seeing someone.
If they hook up with someone then you know it took something as little as a night out to stray and that's not someone you will ever feel comfortable being with anyhow.
Most of the time they just want to drink beer, talk about sport and pick playful fights with each other. They can hook up with someone in any situation, not just in a bar. They could do it on a train, at a cafe at lunch time, in the office at work. Don't try to control what you cannot.
This post is awesome. You are 100% right on. Unfortunately this is the obvious, logical line of thinking that insecure people just can't understand. They don't realize that people are either faithful or unfaithful. They think that somehow by controlling the environment their significant other is in, they're reducing the chances that he or she will be unfaithful. Not only does that not happen, it makes the person resent them a lot.
My ex was like that. She was jealous and insecure. I'd have female friends she'd deem "too flirty" (no one else ever saw what she was talking about) and she didn't want me to hang out with her. She didn't come out and say I can't go to the club but by sheer "coincidence", everytime I mentioned how my friends and I were going to a club, we'd end up arguing about it. I was literally being treated like I was a cheater when I never came close to cheating, either with her or my previous relationships. It made me think, "Damn, even if I did cheat, I'd be getting the same amount of flak from her. What is the point of being faithful?" I obviously never cheated because it's against my morals but still, it made me question what the hell the point of it all was.
I agree with the above posters. If you have to control someone in order that they are faithful to you then they're not faithful to you in the first place. Kids you have to stop from going out with the wrong company, because they might pick up some bad habits. But if your partner is potentially unfaithful then they are ALREADY unfaithful.
If they're not potentially unfaithful, according to your intuition and experience so far, then there is nothing you should be afraid of.
However things are not always black or white and we can be jealous at the possibility that they might meet someone charming and admire them or dance with someone or simply have a great time without us. These feelings are normal sometimes; we want our partner to feel lonely without us and to want to spend every second with us. And I think when we encounter this type of feelings, something wrong is lying underneath.
I truly believe that every time we become clingy in any aspect, it's just a consequence of something else: we might feel that we are not loved enough. It's not the fact that our partner is going out without us, it's the fact that they WANT to go out WITHOUT US.
For example, when my husband and I had a long-distance relationship, he would go out to some party or flying or dancing, and I wasn't jealous because I knew that if I were there he would take me with him. I also totally trusted him so I wasn't afraid of infidelity. (After all, he could tell me that he is going to drive his brother to the airport and actually go sleep with another woman! )
What I am saying is that when you feel loved, you give them space. And vice versa. However, my husband was spending the great majority of his evenings at home talking to me on the computer. I don't know if we would've gotten this far, had he been going out every Friday and Saturday night. Actually he went on just a few picnics and afternoon parties and once or twice to dinner with friends during a one-year period. He was dancing almost every Tuesday evening, but I knew that it was a club where the same 50 people were coming for many years.
Of course, it's different when you're married. But I still believe that there is no reason why someone wouldn't take their partner with them when they go out especially if there's more than two people in the company.
Hi I am pretty angel
And I have been with this guy for 2 years and he goes out to clubs with his friends, but I am not allowed to go with my friends or to go with him. I really think that is unfair.
Or any opinions
Hi I am pretty angel
And I have been with this guy for 2 years and he goes out to clubs with his friends, but I am not allowed to go with my friends or to go with him. I really think that is unfair.
Or any opinions
Yes, it's unfair. In addition, why can't you go with him? I suspect he might not be acting the proper gentlement when he's at these places.
Depends on the type of place -- there are some bars where the only reason a girl would show up is to get attention, give numbers, flirt, etc. I have no interest in dating someone who would go to such a place.
Also depends on the amount of booze involved -- there's hardly a cheating story on this board that doesn't start "I never meant to, but I got drunk one night..."
Also depends on her history -- if she's got along history of boozing and hooking up, you shouldn't be dating her anyway.
Hi I am pretty angel
And I have been with this guy for 2 years and he goes out to clubs with his friends, but I am not allowed to go with my friends or to go with him. I really think that is unfair.
Or any opinions
Rewind! Did you just say he does not allow you...?
He is trying to control you. No wait, he *is* controlling you, cause you're letting him.
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god only knows how many times i have seen this problem. You are a human,a woman not a dog on a leash! You need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel or he will continue to do this and it could get worse if it hasnt already. Take action girl and have a talk with him over dinner.
Depends on the type of place -- there are some bars where the only reason a girl would show up is to get attention, give numbers, flirt, etc. I have no interest in dating someone who would go to such a place.
Also depends on the amount of booze involved -- there's hardly a cheating story on this board that doesn't start "I never meant to, but I got drunk one night..."
Also depends on her history -- if she's got along history of boozing and hooking up, you shouldn't be dating her anyway.
WTF are you talking about?! A guy not taking his own GF cuz she might hook up with someone in the club?
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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