sigh...

blueberry · 27th March 2006, 1:29 PM

Hey there

Well, made it through another day at work. Just wanted to say thanks to you guys for having so many problems to console myself with! (you know what I mean). Was in a 3 hour meeting today on our financial stretch targets (fascinating let me tell you...<cough>) and I spent the entire time reading you lot in the back of the meeting room. Thanks for being there and sharing your probs.

Its 6:30 here and the office is emptying. I dont want to go home....(thats a first)

Mother-in-law arrives Wednesday....sigh...such crap timing but what can ya do? He loves his mum, he's worried about her at the moment, he is divorcing me, I'm looking after her whilst shes here, she doesnt know anything is wrong. We are going to pretend that we are OK for the next week or 2 and then he wants me out.

Someone right "doormat" on my face please.

Actually - thats a good point....i always do (USED to do? argh!) what I think he wants/needs me to do (even if I dont agree) - does that make me a doormat or does it make me a supportive wife? I'd like to think the latter but these days im feeling like a big old doormat with WELCOME and little pics of other doormats on it and when you step on it, it says "haha you're a doormat".

sigh.

KittenMoon · 27th March 2006, 1:38 PM

Honey, only YOU can decide whether you are a doormat. And if you don't want to be a doormat, DON'T be one. I can see how you might want to keep things on the down low whilst the MIL is there, but that doesn't mean you shoudl put up with any sh*t he gives you. He's leaving no matter what, right? So why keep putting up with it?

CaliGuy · 27th March 2006, 2:33 PM

Why are you waiting to tell anyone? He wants you to do him a 'favor' and then he's going to boot you out?

HAH.

Tell his Mother he's divorcing you. Why make life easy on him. He isn't making it easy for you.

blueberry · 27th March 2006, 5:35 PM

its a bit difficult...

- he doesnt want to upset her whilst shes having a holiday here (and she's had an awful life and deserves this much at least)
- we dont speak the same language. whilst i can make myself understood, it simply isnt enough to accurately portray my side of things
- when i lived in their country she looked after me like i was her own and my language ability at that point was nadda. It meant a lot to me as i have been away from my home country (family and friends) for 5 years now. i owe her so much and i dont want to ruin it for her right now.

methinks its best i act the happy DIL, she goes home, i move out (gulp) and THEN we tell her after its done and dusted. she will fight to the death to keep us together but if its already done, not much she can do. a sharp knife hurts the least right? guess i should be grateful that shes not the devil incarnate.

it just all hurts so much doesnt it my friends? you are the only peeps i am talking to about this. no-one knows - not my friends and not my family. they all said it was a mistake to marry him and i didnt listen and eloped. now i feel ashamed and embarrassed to admit things (note to self: never tell future children that they are making mistakes). my job is very stressful also so the close colleagues i have also dont know - they just keep asking why my work isnt on normal par. i think i've had "PMT" for about 6 weeks now... haha...ahh.. the joys of working in a male dominated environment.

anyhoo - thanks again folks (is it wrong to consider us a some kind of elite "team" ?!?!!). No..no..not the A team....

kia kaha

KittenMoon · 27th March 2006, 5:37 PM

It's very nice of you to consider her feelings, it shows a lot of compassion. If you feel a cover-up for a few weeks is the way to go, do it for yourself and your MIL, not for HIM.

TravelLight · 27th March 2006, 5:59 PM

Why did you elope?

blueberry · 27th March 2006, 6:01 PM

thanks kitty

i'd say its 50% for her and 10% for me. i'd be lying if i said his feelings didnt come in to it.

i guess if this is the last leg on our dying donkey of a marriage, i want it to be a good strong healthy leg before he knocks it out from under me....if that makes sense......

gosh, must be late

x

blueberry · 27th March 2006, 6:07 PM

we eloped because everyone was against it (different race, religion blah blah). actually - to be totally honest, i didnt even TELL my family. they know now though. i flew half way around the world to tell them in person.

we tried so hard to make it work. how can i tell them they were right after all this? also my parents are elderly and literally across the world. and i am here. they would fret and worry that im not ok and would want me with them. i just dont want to do that to them because i cant go back yet (contracted work blah blah)

martyr AND a doormat - what a day

TravelLight · 27th March 2006, 6:14 PM

It's impossible to really advise people on matters of the heart; we all have to follow our own way.

It sounds like you're doing really well through a difficult time. Considering other peoples feelings does not make you a doormat but do look out for yourself too.

blueberry · 27th March 2006, 6:19 PM

makes me feel crazy sometimes - am i dealing with it or am i merely dealing with the fact that there is sand blocking my nostrils?

<sneeze>

27th March 2006, 6:45 PM

Would you gain anything from telling her?

Everything is about you now, feelings, finance and all practicalities. If telling her is only going to bring about a load of grief for yourself then don't.

Equally, 'looking after her' for the time; you don't have to do that. You need to look after you now.

Good luck. You'll pull through.