This looks like the right place to post this. It seems like every time things start going right for me in personal relationships I start feeling guilty and think about breaking off the relationship. My current one is with a fantastic person and has some wonderful qualities. But, when I am not around them my mind starts to wonder and I start feeling uncomfortable about the relationship. It is almost like I have trouble committing to personal relationships. I seem to be OK when it is fairly light and superficial. Once it starts to get a little serious I find myself pulling away.
I really like the person I am with now and don’t want to push them away.
__________________ Dispatches from the Isle of Lesbos
Orpheus jounrneyed into Hades to retreive his dead wife. He made a deal with death and very nearly returned to the world of the living with her. However, he questioned, and looked back, which broke the promise he had made with death, and lost his love.
Sometimes insecurity leads us to question too much. If you let someone in, get too close, they have the greatest power to injure you -- not only intentionally, but unintentionally as well. That is terrifying, to give someone that much power over you.
__________________
Uh huh. Ok. What's up? Shut up.
(Trick Daddy)
Orpheus jounrneyed into Hades to retreive his dead wife. He made a deal with death and very nearly returned to the world of the living with her. However, he questioned, and looked back, which broke the promise he had made with death, and lost his love.
Eurydice was a wonderful woman whom I will always miss.
Sometimes insecurity leads us to question too much. If you let someone in, get too close, they have the greatest power to injure you -- not only intentionally, but unintentionally as well. That is terrifying, to give someone that much power over you.
I have been told that I don't let people in. That I show just enough of myself to be safe emotionally. The idea of "giving myself" to someone is very terrifying.
Do you have any idea why you fear this vulnerability? I do too, but have spent years uncovering my fear-based motiavtions. Have you spent any time reflecting on why you make these choices to limit the experience you have, of life and love, for security/safety reasons?
I have been told that I don't let people in. That I show just enough of myself to be safe emotionally. The idea of "giving myself" to someone is very terrifying.
If you shut her out, you may miss out on an amazing experience. It seems you're scared of getting hurt - But try to remember this woman isn't someone from your past. If you have alot of past hurts, and can't let people in, you are going to be lonely.
Have you talked to her about your fears? It could help and I'm sure she will understand, maybe she'll make things easier for you if you let her in abit.
I have actually talked to her about it. She was very understanding and tried to help me understand my feelings. Sounds great but there is still this fear of closeness or inability to get close.
Do you have any idea why you fear this vulnerability? I do too, but have spent years uncovering my fear-based motiavtions. Have you spent any time reflecting on why you make these choices to limit the experience you have, of life and love, for security/safety reasons?
There seems to be a pattern. Once someone becomes expresses how attracted they are to me I back off. If I am doing the chasing I am committed. Once the relationship moves to the more secure level I back off.
Well we understand how to interact in intimate relationships through the lens of the primary relationship, mother-child. I have huge issues accepting intimacy because my Mom is bipolar and we have a weird mother-child dynamic because of her issues.
For me, looking at the emotional context in which I learned how to interact and seek intimacy has helped me understand where the disconnect occurs.
Well we understand how to interact in intimate relationships through the lens of the primary relationship, mother-child. I have huge issues accepting intimacy because my Mom is bipolar and we have a weird mother-child dynamic because of her issues.
For me, looking at the emotional context in which I learned how to interact and seek intimacy has helped me understand where the disconnect occurs.
Have you explored this at all?
I have not explored this.
My current partner mentioned that it sounded like self-esteem issues. That I somehow felt that I wasn’t allowed to have fun or feel like a deserved to have happiness. All through my life I have allowed others to manipulate me into doing things that I wasn’t really that keen on, for fear of disappointing them.
Why are you afraid, though -- that's the question that needs pondering....there is a source to your fear, a face, a shape -- something that in your head represents or embodies what it is that see in others that makes you dread their ability to touch that inner part of you that you keep hidden from other people.
Do you tend to feel the need to either control what happens around you, or have the illusion of control?
Do you tend to feel the need to either control what happens around you, or have the illusion of control?
I have been told this about myself. I don't do it in a bully sort of way but I do believe I like to be aware and have some sense of control of my surroundings.
I'm so orpheus right now....
that's so me....I'm a feeling and so afraid...and I always have to feel in control of what happens around me. If I don't have it...I get scared and I'm intimidated.
I'm seeing this great guy and I feel that it's becoming so real and that's freaking me out. He's so willing to care for me and be there for me....yet I'm scared to let him in...and yes...it's because I'm afraid to get hurt again...
__________________
"Love is a heavy stone to carry when carried by only one person."
In my case I am seeing this person who seems to be about as good for me as I could have hoped for. They are understanding, caring, easy going, emotionally helpful, very attractive, sexually active etc etc., about as perfect as I think is out there for me. But, I find myself stand-off-ish and cool towards them and I know it is because I am afraid.
When we first started dating I wowed them, now I find myself being fairly distant and I don't know why. I even find myself thinking of my EX spouse even though she was not good for me. I don't want to screw up but seem to need a bit of help getting past this stage.
Don't let your Ex be a factor in your present life. It will only mess you up. Try to leave the past in the past - (Yeah I know, easier said than done) but I still say if you like this woman alot, try your best to be as open with her as possible, work together to talk about your fears, insecurities. Don't rush INTO the relationship, just take things as they happen.
My line to many others, never rush a good thing. I think that may be the case here...
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