I am 20 years old and married, it's been almost a year now I am wondering if it is over. I have caught my husband masterbating to photos of 13 yr. old girls(clothed), He lies to me about anything on a daily basis, and worst of all he has no emotion whatsoever. I know that is a common trait of men, but this is crazy. We have had fights where I have come close to suicide and he will just walk away, I have never seen him cry. I just don't know if this is going anywhere, and I feel like I don't know him at all, like I uncover something new and terrible he's been lying about everyday. Should I divorce, separate? I appreciate the help. Thanks.
this is a decision you have to make for yourself. it sounds like you have more than enough reasons to justify a divorce to yourself, and that's what's most important...knowing that what you do is in your own best interest. this way you will have no regret or self-doubt in the choices you are making. i think you already knew this though.
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01-20-09
Last edited by amaysngrace; 18th March 2006 at 12:07 PM..
... he has no emotion whatsoever. I know that is a common trait of men...
HUH?!?! Clearly you've never met a real man. We most certainly do have emotions and aren't afraid to show them.
As to the issue at hand, he sounds like a sick individual, is not someone you'd likely want to have children with, especially daughters, or have around young girls.
I'd decidedly cut him loose and be a bit more selective the next time. Be thankful you're only 20. You have an entire lifetime ahead of you.
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"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."
I agree about the emotional thing, my husband can be as emotional as a little girl sometimes ;D but I kid
It sounds like you guys got married very young and he isn't mature enough to actually be the adult the marriage requires you to be.
Plus kiddie porn would freak me out and I could never be with someone that was into that.
I think this is a choice that you need to make on your own, but from your post it sounds like you might have already. The fact that he doesn't give you the emotional support that you need, would be the biggest warning sign, to me at least
HUH?!?! Clearly you've never met a real man. We most certainly do have emotions and aren't afraid to show them.
this is true Curmudgeon. while there are insensitive hard-guys out there, i'm gonna do my best to avoid getting involved with them.
i know you have a similar experience as mine from they description of your first marriage. do you sometimes feel you have to endure the really crappy stuff in a relationship in order to appreciate yourself fully?
I think that as long as you learn the lessons that are there for you, even a former crappy relationship has its merits.
Like a "typical" guy, I had to be hit between the eyes with a 2X4 (the divorce) to force me to take a real, long look at myself. That prompted me to make many changes in myself and my approach to things that have made my current marriage ever so much better than the one that went before.
Most of all, I had to learn to like myself and enjoy my own company.
I think that as long as you learn the lessons that are there for you, even a former crappy relationship has its merits.
you are so right. life IS a trade-off.
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Most of all, I had to learn to like myself and enjoy my own company.
i think this is soooo true as well. if you're with an abuser, you can really start to believe what they say. it all comes down to self-respect. i think that's why abusers abuse. they have no self-respect. how can someone who doesn't respect themselves respect anyone? i think it's really hard to be with someone like this because they are tapping your supply in order to build themselves up. it's so draining.
after i chose to leave, we went to see a MC per his request. she kept looking at me and asking me how i got so strong. i sometimes think you have to be so totally completely weak to create the void that gets filled back up with strength. like you have it in the same degree, just on opposite ends of the spectrum. does that make sense?
I agree with Curmudgeon!! He is one sick individual to be jack off to 13 yr olds . What if you stay with him and you get pregnant? Would he try and mess with your daughter ? He is a sicko and you do have justification to divorce but we can't tell you what to do. You have to make that decision but i agree he is being abusive to you . I guess you can way your options and go from there . You have to be the one to make that decision .
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There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~
Hey Ash, it seems that this relationship/marriage is unhealthy for you and anyone for that matter. Love is a crazy thing and it can sometimes be stronger than any drug or addiction. But when in love you don't aways think clearly, because love tends to cloud your judgement. it seems to me, that you haved tried to work with your marriage, but how far are you willing to let this get. child porn, suicide, and trust are serious issues. i think that your should separate and on the terms that he gets counseling and that both of you get marriage counsling. although divoice is the best option because your truly in a dangerous situation emotionally and mentally. i hopes this helps you in some way, p.s suicide is never the answer.
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