[almostthere]

I hate to even see me putting this into words. I am a divorced mom of 2 (8&5 years old). I am dating and getting ready to move in with the man I have been dating now for almost a year. He is a divorced dad of 3 (6,7,8 year old). His kids have free run of the house, trash things, break things and dont know what they can and cannot touch. I went to put on my bracelet this morning and it was broken. I cannot take it anymore. I spent $150 per child on his kids for xmas and everything i got is destroyed. I am really strict with my kids. I have been teaching them right from wrong and they have never touched or broken things they are not supposed to. just so you think i am not over exaggerating...i bought bunk beds for my kids. we have been living with my bf now and we have decided to move into a house that we both want to live in. the first day the bunks were up his kids climbed up on the top bunk and broke off the fan blades!! on purpose even. his son took a flourescent light for a fish tank and took it like a baseball bat and broke it against the bunk bed and glass went every where. His son turned on the burner on the stove yesterday and tried making his own pancakes. his daughter blew up a bratz head. not to mention my children actually hide their own toys from these kids because his youngest daughter (7) will purposely destroy his cars. Now...i try to remind myself that i will only have to put up with this every other weekend but does this mean i cant even have anything nice in my house? my bf and i are perfect together right now. we enjoy every moment we spend together. it would be a shame for me to walk away because of his kids but as you can see nothing is safe. we hide everything important from them. my laptop, my jewelry box, my kids toys, my school work...everything. and its just not me and the kids its their dad too. I need some advice....please.

[littlekitty]

Well the first step, and vital for all relationships is communication...

Have you tried talking? If not, why not? And if so, what was the outcome?

[Sassy]

If you don't nip this in the bud and get a handle on it . It will be disaster for the rest of your life .If you are going to be together you have to set rules and boundaries or these kids will continue to do these things. If he wants to be with you i would let him know he will have to make these kids act better or you are gone. You can't be on way with your kids and another way with his. Your kids will start to rebel and you will be living in pure h@@@! If it was me i wouldn't stay simply because he isn't going to make them mind and it will be very stressful for you. My friend is a step parent and if she had to do it over again she wouldn't. Her h has one set a rules for his son and for their daughter another. His son gets away with murder and their daughter has to walk the line. These kids have no discipline and respect to be breaking your bracelet like that. What did the father do to the kids for breaking it? Good luck you going to need it,hope it works out.

[littlekitty]

Trouble is that part-time fathers often give their children a whole hell more freedom because of the guilt factor. That's always going to be hard to overcome....!

[almostthere]

Thanks for all your advice. I did talk to him about it and he said he will talk to the kids. like i am introducing some new set of rules. He didnt say or do anything about the bracelet. i dont know if he even noticed or heard me say anything. my mom and kids got that for me for my bday. and that was just 6 weeks ago. if he ever tried to get custody I would move out. and i hate to say that but these kids are uncontrollable. and they do this to their mom too. and no one does anything to stop it. i have been considering the option of walking away. but we have a great thing going. im just tired of the mess and everything getting broke.

[littlekitty]

Perhaps you could try buying some parenting books (or google and print off info). All of these will re-interate how important it is that both parents provide the same message to the children. Therefore with 2 sets of children in the same house, it's important for them all to be seen to be treated in the same manner with the same rules. Perhaps you can try to help him understand how important this is. I can only suggest you keep at it...! Good luck!!

[magda]

I don't think you should move in until he gets the discipline under control. It's not fair to you or your kids. He should learn to handle these problems. It's not okay for him to ignore anyone hurting you - especially his own kids who should be under his control.

Taking a stand now would be more effective than moving in and trying to take a stand later.. If you move in it's like accepting the situation.