Can you do it?
Have you done it?
How did you handle it?
Old & younger folks alike?
Personally I've never done it, but I'm running into more & more guys with kids and I go because 1) I'm only 22 and I don't have any kids and 2) I don't relish the idea of baby momma drama - but maybe that's just me.
I'm 26 and previously had a rule that I would never date a dude with kids just b/c of whatyou stated - baby mama drama.
I recently broke up with a dude who has an 8 year old son. We are currently in an ambiguous state (don't know what we're doing). His son is fine. In the beginning he was very smart ass with me and I abrogated responsibility. I'm not his mom. He's not my responsibility to raise. We got along ok, though, and he still asks to hang out with me.
It was difficult dealing with the mom, though. She was just weird about everything. Like, after I had broken up with my ex, I was at his house having yet another talk. I had stopped by for a bit after work. She made up a random excuse to come over unannounced and tried to walk right into his house to meet me. I was weirded out. I mean, he and I broke up and she wants to meet me? Why? She was curious, I think, but in otter's world you call before you come over.
She has also called my house a few times, trying to get me to gossip with her or something, asking me questions about how her exH is doing. I told her to ask him herself.
My experience? I wouldn't date a dude with kids again. Just my feeling on the subject. If I had kids of my own it might be different, but I don't.
when you sign-up for a relationship with someone who procreated already you also sign-up for a relationship(s) with their offspring. The majority of relationships are already hard enough to keep going when children are not involved. Throw some kids into the mix and chances are it will make it even more complex and harder. More variables = more potential problems.
I have loads of experience in this are and it's not just the kids you're throwing into the mix, it's the ex.
It's not for the faint of heart. That's for sure. And even though, I have a successful marriage with a man who did (still does obviously) have a child when I met him, (broke my own rule there), I DON'T recommend it. I really don't. It was tough going until it worked. Takes years and it's only for the VERY mature. Not saying you're not but if you can avoid it, DO. These types of relationships have an even higher failure rate than ones where there are no children involved.
It depends on the relationship he has with the B-momma, they usually do try to get with their b-momma. Think about this: why couldn't he work things out with their b-momma, this might be a sign of character flaw on the man's part. Find out if this is the case or not. Make sure he doesn't have any Drama by keeping it friendly with no sex until he really proves his self to be serious about you(I recommend 6 months). If he thinks you're easy he will place the b-momma above you and that's when the drama will begin. If he can hang in there and wait for your relationship to grow before tryin to get physical he may be serious. Otherwise, you might find out that you were just an easy quick fix to get his mind off his drama.
I am only referring to myself...I can't tell others to avoid dating women or men with children. Just be very careful. I would take the relationship very, very slowly. I would also be careful to avoid entering the child's space even more slowly. I would not be a regular fixture at his/her house until the relationship between you and your partner have become solidified. And then I would very gradually ease into the relationship with the kid. Don't force anything. If he/she wants you to back away, then back away. Be very understanding of the situation and the emotions the kid might be going through.
__________________ Should have been dead on a Sunday morning bangin' my head, no time for mournin', ain't got no time -- My Own Prison, Creed
I am a single mother...have been since the ripe old age of 19...it wasn't supposed to be this way for me...I graduated high school with honors and a scholarship to a good college. It took me 3 years to get child support, so I worked full time, lived on my own and took care of myself. When my daughter was 3 I moved us 300 miles from home so that I could realize my dream and get my degree. My daughters father died in a car accident my senior year of college, so even though she didn't really know him (had only met him 3 times) she knew what death was...and to top it off, we were denied social security benefits...so I marched on, working full time, going to school full time so that we could pay the extra bills and I could still finish my degree. Happily, I now have a great job and can take care of the two of us without a great deal of struggle. I dated a man for over a year and he was very anxious to get to know my daughter, after about 6 months, she was calling him "dad"...when he left three months after her biological fathers death...she was a wreck. I have been dating a man for almost 2 years now, and I am very careful with how they interact...I refuse to make that mistake again!
I think its sad that it is so hard to meet good men just because you have a child...I have a lot going for me and I will not excuse the fact that I decided to be an adult when I got pregnant and didn't run away like a little child like her father did...I didn't take the easy way out. I have also dated men who have children and I honestly don't have a problem with it...they seem to be more understanding of just how busy you are being a single parent.
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because 1) I'm only 22 and I don't have any kids and 2) I don't relish the idea of baby momma drama - but maybe that's just me. 
Hybrid Mode
