My BF broke up with me Friday night. Together almost 3 years, I'm 46 and he's 29. Our problem was he never introduced me to his family or college friends, I felt he was embarrased of my/my age. We shared a large circle of other friends, of all ages. Fast forward: He emailed me this morning; on one hand saying it was the best years of his life, I'm great, compassionate, wonderful, etc. On othe other hand he also said he'll "probably" realize down the road he made a terrible mistake, he wants me for his good friend, wishes we could till hang out, loves me but not sure in "what capacity". I just don't know if I should respond or not. I think we both feel terrible I and I want to comfort him, but then think "whoa girl he's the one who left you". I don't want to play games either but my first priority is protecting my heart I think. Should I drop him a quick note i.e. thanks for your concern, I'll let you know when/if I can hang out with you again? He said he didn't expect me to respond and hopes his mssg. doesn't make things worse for me.
First off, there is nothing wrong with the 46/29 age thing. There maybe life stages issue that HE is not ready for.
If you can't be friends or hang out because you are hurt or can't keep being a friend because of feelings; then don't. I told my older lady friend (10 yr diff) that I can't be friends with her because I have romantic feelings for her. Well it was true, if both parties are not on the same page then we have a problem.
Don't respond and let it sit. CLean out the place of anything with his scent, stuff, notes, etc... and put it in a box. Keep it somewhere else or send it back.
jerbear is right, there is nothing wrong with the age difference. Maturity lies in each individual, regardless of age. I was with a younger guy, too.
I wouldn't reply to his email. I'd wait and see what happens. Give him the gift of missing you, and maybe he will be able to figure out just what "capacity" he loves you in.
Chin up and hang in there!
Hugs,
Raven
__________________
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor, shall be lifted . . . Nevermore. - E.A. Poe
Age does not matter. Though being at "different stages in life" can matter. I was 40 emotionally when I was only just 21 (and I'm still not 40). Everyone is different. Upbringing and experience play their roll in how mentally and emotionally old we are. But age wasn't the question, so . . .
Regardless, I wouldn't respond to a message like the one he sent you. Let him figure out exactly what he wants before you're willing to talk about it.
Ahhhhhhhh yes, age doesn't matter - until your guy is self-conscious about bringing his girlfriend (at whatever significantly different age) around his family.
I was looking for advice on whether or not I should respond to his email, which numbered one when I started this thread and now are up to ten. I am not looking for advice on age-appropriate relationships, but hey thanks for your input SincereOnLineGuy.
We have decided to sit down and talk (in person, not by electronic means). We're not sure anything will come of it but agree we owe it to ourselves to try.
I was looking for advice on whether or not I should respond to his email, which numbered one when I started this thread and now are up to ten. I am not looking for advice on age-appropriate relationships, but hey thanks for your input SincereOnLineGuy.
We have decided to sit down and talk (in person, not by electronic means). We're not sure anything will come of it but agree we owe it to ourselves to try.
My gosh, the age thing is ridiculous! Don't worry about it, Irish. I understood your question.
Deciding to sit down and talk in person is a good idea. I hope it goes well!
Hi Irish, age gap relationships rarely get a positive response on LS. Its true that many age gaps arent a good idea and the negativity is usually due to the fact that these relationships can cause issues. My feeling is that most relationships have issues and I get frustrated at the fact other issues seem to get advice as responses while older woman/younger men posts tend to get responses saying that its not going to work - personally id MUCH rather have my personal age gap relationship issues than the issues other people post on here. My partner is 10 yrs younger so I understand how these responses make you feel as I have posted before to get similar comments.
You’ve actually told us very little about the circumstances.
“I think he just really wants my friendship back; he really likes me a lot but probably can't see marriage/family in the future so is trying to do The Right Thing.”
Have you ever spoken to him about the future? And what were his feelings? What reasons did he give you for not introducing his family? Does he want children? Do you? Have you got children already?
The family situation is a red flag, it would be in any relationship. However you havent said what his response is when you ask him why he hasnt introduced you. And that said, I have been with my partner over 2 yrs and I have never introduced him to my father. I am a bit conscious of the fact my partner is only 24, and it HAS influenced why ive never introduced him to my father, but I do NOT intend to end things and its not that huge a deal, I am just not that close to dad. We are all making assumptions about your ex, but you don’t seem to know the facts and we certainly don’t. If he hasnt introduced you to his family because of your age, it still doesnt mean its really why he ended things.
My reaction is that if you dont know the answer to the above questions, or why hes not introduced you to his family, one of your major problems with him is communication.
Lastly:
You say you don’t want to discuss the age thing further, but you said yourself in your opening post:
“I felt he was embarrased of my/my age”
so it IS a bit of a deal to you. It’s a bit of a deal for me too. I am aware of the fact this could happen to me, but I absolutely know if we ended and my bf didn’t give me a reason, it wouldn’t be because of the age gap.
You need to find out more info from him and ask these questions - good luck!
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