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Too Friendly
I apologize for the length of this. Please bear with me.
Over the past couple of days P (boyfriend) and I have spent some time with two of my close girlfriends, V and G. Both women are attractive,
intelligent, fun, and we have become good friends. Of course I am happy
that P and they are getting along so well. But, what makes me feel
uncomfortable is the somewhat flirtatious behavior and comments. Comments such as:
They: C, will you share P with us? C, will you let P be our part-time
boyfriend?
He: I'll be the part-time boyfriend. I can handle all 3 of you women.
Speaking to G he made a comment that he's trying to please her with
this dark chocolate/orange candy.
What broke the camel's back for me last night was as we were getting ready to leave (P and I came together and I drove) I said I better go and P
said he'll stay.
Now, I realize I'm quite certain everyone is just joking around and having a
good time, however, I feel it's at my expense. I have no problem with P
and my girlfriends becoming good friends, laughing, having a good time, him buying them flowers, but I draw the line at flirtatious behavior and
comments...at least in front of my face.
I am who I am which has always tended to be the more serious type of person. I just can't chill out and laugh things off. It isn't in my nature.
When I dropped P off at home last night, the subject came up again and I
couldn't take it any longer. Fortunately, there were no tears and no raised
voices, but I very strongly let him know that his comments and behavior hurt my feelings and I'm asking him to stop. I'm asking him to respect my feelings. I asked him if he'd like to date other women...I told him if that's what he wants to do to go for it. I'm not going to stop him. He gave me the impression that he wants to date only me and that it's only me. Whatever. I told him that if the roles were reversed, the way that I feel about him, I would NEVER do what he did...NEVER...I would never hurt him or embarrass him in that way. Of course P and I are different...he wouldn't feel the way I feel. I also told him that if he can't respect my feelings on this, then I don't want to be around him. Period. I don't need this. I don't need to be hurt every time I get together with my friends. Well, he says he understands what I'm talking about, he says he won't do it anymore, but I reminded him that he did it a few months ago and he told me back then he wouldn't do it anymore. So, here we are again. Well, I guess time will tell. If he continues to do this, I will call him on it again.
P mentioned that I should also talk to V about it. I told him I might but right now I'm talking to him about it.
I told P I'm glad he likes my friends and vice versa and I'm happy when
we're all together, but, not this part.
Things ended okay...not wonderful, not great...just okay. I guess I'll just
have to wait and see what happens in the future.
Part of me feels really good about what I did. I felt empowered. I felt
like I finally spoke up for myself. In the past I'd always be afraid of
speaking up afraid that the guy would leave. But, as much as I love P,
if he walks away because of this, so be it...then he's not the man I thought
he was nor would I want to be with him.
But of course part of me is afraid that he will in fact walk away and that
would be difficult. But, I just felt this is something I couldn't deal
with.
I have two questions:
1. Do you think it'd be right of me to speak to V as well?
2. I'm curious how you would've handled it. Would it have bothered
you or would you have just been able to run with the punches every single
time you got together?
Thanks for your help.
__________________
csfong007 
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