[curious jane]

I am 28 years old, btw the ages of 16 & 18 i was in the rave scene and i was addicted to anything i could put in my nose.

I went totally clean when i was 23 did not look back.

I am curretnly dating someone who has done powders 5 times in 8 months.. i thought i would be cool with it, then he told me he deals once a year - i freaked as he has a son as well, after a lot of arguing he decided he would not deal and he would only do drugs once a year - of course there has some guilt tripping that has come out....

NYE i did a bit of e with him, it was fine and it just was what it was.... then he came back to my place and proceeded to do it, he did lines all day and night, and then did it for the next 2 days and told me "it is only once a year i get to do it" It really upset me.

Few months go by he makes me feel kinda guitly with little comments that he would say about him only aloud to do drugs once a year. the comments make me feel guitly and i never want to take away what people want to do, even if it is bad... so i told him fine go do it if you must..

so that night he went out and did blow with his friends, and today i am a mess, i know i told him it was ok, but now i am seeing that i am not ok with it.
once again he is like i would do anything for you we have to figure out a comprimise - he is trying to see how often he can do it negoiate something with me... some kind of drug schedule.

I dunno maybe it is ***ing with me because by him trying to negoiate a drug schedule shows how important drugs are to him?

Maybe i have my own issues that i have not figured out?

Any analyses of why i am feeling so confused?