my first post EVER. HELP! My bf has been having secret life unbeknownst to me for what appears to be a long time. We have lived together for 3 years. I called a help line. They say just reassure him that its ok to come out about it, but i known he'll freak if confronted. Deny deny deny. I was suspicious that maybe it was women while i was out of town. Now it turns out it was men. found cookies on the computer. Our S-- is great. I am truly freaked out. Need guidance from anyone that has been there. Want to save this relationship if possible.
on your relationship, per se. That's strictly a personal choice. However, I would suggest you stop physical contact and have yourself tested for STDs. He's putting your health, and possibly your life, in danger.
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"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."
In this day and age I just am baffled why a man with sexual attraction to another man just would not pursue THAT avenue? This is not 30 years ago when all the old taboos made it so difficult in society. Why engage in risky behavior and put a woman with children at risk instead of just living the desired lifestyle?
Well, if he's bi he's getting the best of both worlds in his view. Unfortunately, he's also being selfish, irresponsible and playing and taking chances with someone else's life.
He selfishly put your health at risk. You forgave him because you thought it was another woman, now you find out he's seeing men...
I'm sorry, but the best thing you can do for yourself is end it. He isn't going to commit to you one on one and you deserve a man who will love just you. I'm sure he does love you and is confused about what he wants, but you should not have suffer for it.
I had to log off because he came down stairs, but after a confrontation about secrets he stormed out. We did not address any specifics, just that his comings and goings are vague abd I dont beileve that he is where he says he is ie with friends. Or if he is maybe his male friends are gay. Heck now i am questioning everything. His friend Je-- come to think of it has never been seen with a g.f. thats kind of strange(?).B4 storming out he said i was insecure. imagine that!
I guess on that count im guilty. at least until i figure out what the heck is going on. thanks for your input.
DO not let him turn this around on you. These are his issues, his sexuality at question, not yours. There is nothing wrong with you.
If he wants to go explore the other team he can do that but not while he's with you. After 3 years of a relationship and living together he owes you a conversation - An honest one at that and the respect of letting you know he is actually confused. WTF.
Put yourself first here, protect your heart. He seems angry because he KNOWS you know now and he can't get away with it anymore.
Is that why he is so angry at me? I guess I have been tossing out hints. I dont have the heart to be hateful. Im not that kind of person. If thats what he wants so be it. I just wish he's say it. Come clean. Cry. something! His dad left his mom for the same reason when he was an adolescent. It affected him deeply and drove him to drug use which I think make have catapulted him into this. I dont know. i've heard that people that use also have irresponsible sexual behavior. Always looking for bigger and bigger sexual adventures. I do NOT use so cannot say from personal exp. I am alone tonight. He walked out and said Have a nice life. I know he'll be back, question is how to handle it when he does come back. I want it out in the open. I want him to know that I saw the websites he visted while I was out of town. Hw will try to blame it on my teenage sons but its ridiculous because they all are chick crazy. I guess he is desperate to keep it hidden as is his family's way of dealing with things. I was lucky and raised in a much more open way. So glad I found this outlet Feel much better.
I don't think he's confused about anything as some say. He wants to go out and have sex with men (and likely other women), then come home to you and have sex with you. If you've been dropping hints then chances are he knows that you know, but he's acting like he will get mad at YOU if you bring anything up, judging by his actions and the things he's said. He wants you to act dumb about it, continue getting STDs and who knows HIV will be the next step.
He doesn't care about your health. He doesn't value being honest with you which means he doesn't respect or REALLY love you (be honest with yourself). He is saying YOU have insecurities? And you are too scared to speak up!
I would find one of those cookies, got to the gay website he's been using to meet men, leave it on the monitor and tell your boys they're not allowed to use the computer, until your boyfriend sees the page so he gets a clue. It might be easier for you than confronting him, seeing that you are having trouble doing so.
Or since he said have a nice life and is threatening to leave you shoulod you open your mouth, (how dare you be concerned about your health when that would come in the way of his sexual habbits) why don't you pack his belongs or toss them in some boxes and take them outside with a note saying "you have a nice life too." Then meet all the other men out there who would care about you.
Thank you! I'm so tired of feeling like I am the one that is letting HIM down all the time. The only thing that Ive done wrong is not be a man! My gender is something I cant change. Good idea about leaving the sex search site up on the computer. When I've looked at it, I usually erase. Next time I wont.
This is all about to come to a head...Thanx 4 the support Went and saw broke back mtn this weekend alone. Geez...There was my life up there on the screen.
He walked out and told you to have a nice life? Now the ball is in your court. DO not let him come back in. Get together with him OUT of the house, not inside. You're now letting him walk all over you if you take him back so quickly.
You are not in the wrong here, he is. And his guilt is getting to him, that's why he's pissed off and giving you attitude. YOU need to take the intiative here and just lay it all out on table for him. Either he stays with you, no more MEN, or he moves out. Plain and simple. What he is doing to you is very unfair, and selfish. He can't go "find" himself when he is still with you. Life doesn't work that way. Either he's got to find someone to talk to, a therapist to help him cope with his parents issues (I believe that is affecting him now, the committment and him being Bisexual) and the confusion is making it worse.
Well after sending me a text message about having 2 work out of town for a few days,I said I was done. I can honestly say that i slept like a baby
last night. Althought I love him, I have had eough deceit these last years to last me a lifetime. I mean, he lies about so many things. I guess he has to. Between the sexual issues and the drug use he always has something that he is hiding. It is very sad, because he is extremely smart and talented. Both parents are in denial about the drug use & the other. I've straight up told them about the drugs (nothing ever came of it). I even dropeed hints to them about the sexuality issues in the hopes that maybe the Dad could be a person to whom he might one day confide. I called the gay Father & said I needed to know if there was an org. in S.F. assist people not yet "out" because I had a "friend" whose boyfiend etc..etc...I'm dreaming. These people will go on pretending until they die. Its just thier way. They do NOT talk about what they consider to be unpleasant issues. Sadly, this will negative affect thier son and all those he touches literally. I want to Thank you 4 all the advise. I'd never have been able to discuss thses delicate issues with anyone. Too easy for judgements to have een made on the sexual issues, or the fact that I forgave infidelity. You all are very open minded. I like that. Youve made me feel a little less crazy getting all out of my head and onto a keyboard!
You did the best thing for yourself. This relationship is damaging and unhealthy for you. It isn't fair to share your life with someone who lies to you, is cheating on you and really hasn't figured out his sexuality. You can't wait for that and put your life on hold. Love or not.
Glad to help, anytime. This sounded like a horrible situation, so if posting here helps, go for it!
Hang in there and don't let him talk you into getting back together. Stay strong!
I know that you don't want or need anymore worries right now, but I would be more concerned about my health if I were you. Please get tested for HIV and other STDs soon.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
straight woman living with bi sexual man
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