My ex and I, the most recent one (the older dude) have been talking. After the whole thing where he attacked me when he was drunk, he voluntarily went to therapy for anger management. I ran into him a week or two ago at an AA meeting, he didn't even know I had stopped drinking.
He still loves me. I still love him. I just don't know if we can be healthy together.
Anyways, he's all into his therapeutic process. We were talking, he wants to pay for me to go to therapy...he knows a lot about my past, the physical abuse and the rapes and molestation, and according to him since I'm not financially able to pay for therapy, he wants to. He hopes that we will both make enough progress to eventually try again.
I was taken aback. I don't know if it's an insult or a genuine gesture. I have a hard time trusting people, always have. On the one hand I think it would be a good thing, on the other I don't want to be beholden to anyone.
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I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.
There are few, few, few people in this world whom I would let pay for me for anything, and if this was an ex with a lot bunch of issues who was still interested in me it would motivate me even less to accept this offer. This just stinks of future trouble.
I don't think this is such a bad thing. Is the therapy for you individually or is it a recovering couples thing? If you still love this man, and he loves you, there is always a possibility that the two of you can overcome your problems. You do NOT have to be indebted to him because of this. Let him know there are no guarantees for a reconciliation and that you can both assess the situation after long term therapy. If you really need this for your own self-improvement, then I would say go for it, but right now during your recovery, being involved with anyone who was once toxic for you is dangerous.
There are few, few, few people in this world whom I would let pay for me for anything, and if this was an ex with a lot bunch of issues who was still interested in me it would motivate me even less to accept this offer. This just stinks of future trouble.
I agree with Loony 100% and would like to add that you both have your addiction in common.. right now you still feel that connection but when you both become sober and grow thru your sobriety you both will see that once the addiction was gone that you are 2 totally different people..
Give it 6 months and make sure that his sobriety sticks
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
I agree with Loony 100% and would like to add that you both have your addiction in common.. right now you still feel that connection but when you both become sober and grow thru your sobriety you both will see that once the addiction was gone that you are 2 totally different people..
Give it 6 months and make sure that his sobriety sticks
But shouldn't she take advantage of the free therapy for her own well-being?? I can see the danger of it, I can, but this is therapy she otherwise could not afford. Recovery from addiction is immensely hard, and otter needs all the support she can get. It's a double edge sword, I suppose. Is there a middle ground we're not seeing, or is it better to tell otter that she will have to do without the support of a therapist.
But shouldn't she take advantage of the free therapy for her own well-being??
Alcoholics by their very nature are self centered and controlling..
His offer is not being born out of genuine concern for her.. It's all about control..
Be guaranteed that if they got into a squabble the VERY FIRST thing he would threaten is to not pay for her therapy and he will use that to control her..
and if they would break up then he would say " Look what I have done for you "" I paid for your therapy when I didn't have to "
Otter would be better served in the long run by waiting to see if his addiction issues are under control first.. then if he is fixing himself his offer for therapy might be true and genuine.
If it is a genuine offer, no strings attached then yes, seriously consider this offer for him to pay for your therapy. But, if there is a catch involved, an IOU or later on he's going to expect something from you, then just be careful.
Therapy will do you so much good B_O and I do think you should go. Talk to him and find out 100% for sure what his intentions are though. I'd hate it if all of sudden he decided to play the control game with you because he's paying for your therapy.
But shouldn't she take advantage of the free therapy for her own well-being?? I can see the danger of it, I can, but this is therapy she otherwise could not afford. Recovery from addiction is immensely hard, and otter needs all the support she can get. It's a double edge sword, I suppose. Is there a middle ground we're not seeing, or is it better to tell otter that she will have to do without the support of a therapist.
I see it more as jumping from one addiction to the next one. Her new addiction will be her dependency on this guy to fix her problem.
Let's all just not forget who this guy is. She posted enough about him in her post to give us an idea how his alter ego can be.
we can take up a collection for otter's therapy...why don't you administer it LONESTAR. just start PMing everyone for donations.
Therapy costs up to $100 per session every week for an indefinite period of time. I don't think we could support her. Sorry to talk about you in the third person, otter
Have you looked into any local town or city mental health clinics that provide therapy on a sliding scale?
she does need support, but not from this dude...he'll only drag her down eventually.
And you are right on this. I quit smoking numerous times when I was with my ex only to start smoking again after he f*cked with my head. okay, bad idea on my part.
This isn't conditional on us getting back together. I don't know if I even want to with so much water under the bridge, so to speak.
I've been to the hospital for therapy on a sliding scale. It sucked. I got student counselors who were not really experienced enough to deal with my issues. The effing THERAPIST would get "overwhelmed" by me...so the cheaper option has already been explored. At least in my county. There is free crisis counseling but they always tell me I need "serious work" and blah blah blah. Student therapists get freaked out by me.
This offer was for individual counseling. He said that he feels like obligated to help me out because I can't do this for myself right now. My parents are tapped out, they've paid for 4 years of therapy out of pocket, 3 years I had insurance.
Honestly I really want to do the EMDR treatment for people with PTSD. I've been wanting to do it for like 18 months now. Or so. So part of me is like a little kid just wanting to take the offer, the other part doesn't trust anyone.
Thing is, I have no trustworthy instincts in that regard. I don't trust anyone, as a rule, not even myself.
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