[sweetmind20]

hi,

My husband and I just got married this past August 2005. I am 22 and he is 24.

I'm writing because I'm desperate to fix things in my marriage. I have barely been married for six months, and I am seeing these very disturbing traits emerging from my partner.

When we get into arguments, he has started to pretty much "cower" on the floor in a fetal position, blocking his ears. I am completely taken aback by this as there is no physical abuse whatsoever. I don't know if this is a manipulation tactic, or what.

I have gone out of my way to take care of him. As far as I know, there is nothing that is that bad going on in his life yet he still appears stressed. For the past two weeks, he has barely spoken to me, he has withheld sex and he has on occassion, literally recoiled when i tried to kiss him. my heart is shattering in my chest as i write this. he has always been shy, but now he is not comfortable at all with showing me any kind of affection; his body tenses when i reach for him, lovingly.

i don't know what to do anymore. I am trying to hold on but i don't know how much more i can take of this. please, any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

love,

sweetmind

[Mz. Pixie]

Were you guys intimate before you married???

There might be something going on from his past that is now resurfacing as you guys are having regular sex. The drawing up in a ball cowering sounds IMO like someone who was abused.

I would try to gently suggest counseling but you can't force him to go.

[Outcast]

Divorce is not the answer. These are signs that something's wrong with him that may well worsen if he doesn't get help. Talk to him and tell him that you're very concerned about him and that you want him to seek medical help. If he refuses, talk to his doctor or yours, tell him about this behaviour, and ask what you should do.

My suspicion is that he was abused and is experiencing episodes of PTSD but it could be anything, including a tumour so get him help.