I have a very specific situation, so sorry for the lack of details (privacy). But basically, I'm just wondering how you know if they're really interested or just stringing you along? I don't have much experience with dating. I'm not afraid to get hurt so I just keep going with the stringing along. But I have a gut feeling this is going to end in me getting hurt. I like him too much to end it. I don't see where this is going at all though. What should I do to find out? I don't want to have one of those "where is this going" conversations. Maybe because I'm too afraid I already know the answer and I'd rather just stay at this ambiguous point than not have him in my life at all. Any advice?
it sounds as tho you are afraid to know where it's going, and you have more than just a hint that you are being strung along. without knowing anything more, it's hard to say anything more than: just ask him.
yes, you fear getting hurt, but perhaps you are already beginning to hurt because of the ambiguity of the situation.
asking can be done in a gentle, but firm, manner. there's two of you in this, and you have a right to know where it's heading. are you giving him all the power and control over the situation? where do you want it to go? take your own needs into account.
Helena is right. There's nothing wrong with asking your boyfriend to tell you what he wants out of your relationship together. If he's not telling you, and you don't ask, the not knowing will just drive you nuts, and that's no way to live. In nearly every relationship, especially in the earlier phases, there comes a time when couples have "the talk" about the direction of the relationship. You have the right to know if you're on the same page. And if you find out that his feelings aren't the same, wouldn't you rather find that out now, then later when you're even more invested? It's not in your best interest to be in a relationship where your needs and wants aren't being met. And who knows, you might be pleasantly surprised to find out that he feels the same way about you and your future together. Remember, a lot of men just aren't good about communicating their feelings....he may assume that you know how he feels. If you're not sure how to bring it up, or what to say, then ask a good guy friend to have a mock conversation with you and give you feedback to build up your confidence.
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its been such a long time coming, but I feel good -- Evanescence
ah yes, sometimes guys aren't so good at articulating this stuff. women use 7000 words a day, men 2000. not a bad idea to do a test run with a male buddy.
whatever, you have the right to know what's going on. have you told him where you hoped the relationship is heading? does he know your feelings?
Thanks for the advice. It seems like we've both been just keeping it casual, without those kind of talks, to see where it will go. I've been trying to act a lot more cool with this than I really am. Maybe risking bringing the issue up wouldn't be so bad because then I could at least move on if we're not on the same page.
just a warning--you might come across as needy and really turn him off if he really isn't that keen on you right now, it could kill the attraction that's there. an alternative method would be for you to step back and see if he chases you a bit. it is possible you are unconsciously sending signals that you like him *too* much and scaring him off. i think its usually better when the girl backs off and gives the guy the prerogative to start a talk if he's interested. guys like to have the initiative.
just a warning--you might come across as needy and really turn him off if he really isn't that keen on you right now, it could kill the attraction that's there. an alternative method would be for you to step back and see if he chases you a bit. it is possible you are unconsciously sending signals that you like him *too* much and scaring him off. i think its usually better when the girl backs off and gives the guy the prerogative to start a talk if he's interested. guys like to have the initiative.
I definitely agree with the not seeming needy point. The last thing I want to do is scare him away when it otherwise might have worked out with more patience. I guess I just don't know if the lack of progress is because he thinks I like him too much and wants to take it slow, or if he's just not that interested and never will be.
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