Hi all - I need some advice. My bf of 4 years FINALLY proposed! Yeah! The ring he picked out is awful!!! We've been talking about getting married for almost a year and I've given the hints as to what I would want for a ring. Now before everyone tells me how materialistic I am - this is NOT about the diamond. Well - maybe it is a little about the diamond. The one he picked out is beautiful, BUT I REALLY don't want a diamond. My dream ring has a colored center stone, possibly some accent diamonds, with a modern setting of platinum or white gold. He picked out a VERY traditional 3 stone setting in yellow gold. It's absolutely gorgeous, but it's NOT me. I plan on wearing this ring for the rest of my life - shouldn't I have one that I like??? I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
I just wanted to offer a different perspective possibly.
When my exH proposed to me I felt that the ring was a symbol of his love for me. I know I would be the one to wear it and I was the one who should like it, but to me it wasn't about the ring, style, setting... It was him I was in love with. His tastes, style, likes and dislikes. And he chose the ring based on his likes and dislikes. Therefore the ring to me was very special. It was a part of him. It represented something he had chosen as beautiful and special to him, that he wanted to give to me. To him, it represented our love. Beautiful and special.
I understand where you are coming from, but I think you're going to crush him if you tell him you dislike the ring. He may not be as willing to listen to other opinions as the guy in the thread listed above. It not only attacks who he is when you suggest that the ring he's chosen as perfect for you, is not perfect in your eyes. He may see this as a reflection on your love for him. That he isn't perfect in your eyes. That he's flawed and should be taken back too. It's irrational, but emotions are that way.
Be careful in how you approach this, and try to understand his feelings toward this.
Just Think Of It Has A Token Of Love. No Matter What It Looks Like. He Thinks That He Did A Really Good Job. Don't Put Him Down About It. If You're Going To Be With This Guy For The Rest Of Your Lives You Can Always Get A Diffrent Ring When The Time Is Right. And This Time You'll Be Able To Pick Which One. Just Don't Go Over Bord.
I think you should tell him that you love the fact that he gave you a ring and that you love what it symbolizes but you are not too fond of the way the ring looks. I think he would appreciate knowing that because he has spent money on the ring I am sure he wants something that you can look at 25 years from now and say "wow". Everyone is different and has different styles and I am sure he will understand this. Well, you know him best and you know how he will react. As long as you don't say it in a way that sounds ungrate*** he will probably understand. If not you can always upgrade or change it later.
When my fiance/H gave me my ring I was so happy because it was perfect. It fit my personality perfectly. It is not traditional and it's a princess cut. I can honestly say that I would never want to trade it in or even upgrade it. I love it and I am sure 50 years from now (if I am alive) I will still love it. It's not only the looks but the meaning behind it. The fact that out of hundreds of rings he saw he knew which one was me. Ultimately, it's the meaning that counts.
The ring is not an investment, or a part of your wardrobe, it is a symbol. I imagine your man picked the ring with great care, imagining you would love it. I think he would be terribly hurt if you rejected it!
In fact, the only story I have EVER heard about my brother-in-law's first wife was that she "made him take the ring back and get a different one". It was, in his mind, one of those defining moments of the relationship and I bet he wished he would have said "on second thought, I retract that proposal".
Don't risk your sweetheart's feelings, those feelings are what make the relationship work, not the ring.
My dream ring has a colored center stone, possibly some accent diamonds, with a modern setting of platinum or white gold. He picked out a VERY traditional 3 stone setting in yellow gold. It's absolutely gorgeous, but it's NOT me. I plan on wearing this ring for the rest of my life - shouldn't I have one that I like??? I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Oh dear. This story reminds me a little of a really dreadful tie my father wore for years until it fell to bits. The most grotesque, psychedelic, flowery thing you could imagine. Friends used to tease me about it when he collected me from school, and I've no doubt that he got stick from other adults about it.
I finally asked him why the hell he insisted on always wearing this monstrosity. Well - as you've probably guessed, it turned out to be one that I'd selected for him when I was a little tot.
I tend to like Walk's perspective that sometimes things are more precious to you simply because they reflect a loved one's taste and personality (even if their taste isn't all that great )
What hope is there for the marriage if you can't even talk about something like that together calmly without hurting each other? There will be far worse things to deal with in the years to come - you need to be able to talk.
Most men will just be worried "is this impressive enough - will people think I'm cheap or will it do?" and will have no concerns beyond that!
If you can't accept the ring like it is, do you accept your bf the way he is ?
That's essential for a possibly (and wanted) life-long relationship.
Taking one as one is.
As a birthday present or for xmas, I'd want, too, what I LIKE.
But this is from his soul to yours, a commitment, he says "I love you" with this ring and you don't like it ????
Come on...
No, you say I hate it....
I find that disturbing, to be honest...
__________________ Everything happens for a reason. Every action has a reaction. Always remember that what's meant to be will always find a way to come about.
Last edited by Astarte; 14th January 2006 at 1:53 AM..
Befree said it best. Listen and do it. It is a fricking ring. If you had such particular tastes the both of you should have shopped for it. Consider it your fault for not telling him beforehand. Guys just stink at hints....we like logic. We like facts. anyway even if he he did get the right color center stone, you still would have bawlked because you have this idealistic picture of what the ring is. Now go and make love to the man like a bunny.
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I hate the ring!!!
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