does anyone here think that havin sex with someone you're havin 'space' issues with a good thing , or a bad thing ?? Can this lead to a second chance ?
my girls asked for space recently .. we seen eachother today, and we had sex .. she kinda initiated it .. and i kinda did too , it was mutual .. do u think i can build at a chance to strengthening our love again ?
SPACE is normally initiated for one of three reasons:
1) You want to use it as a tool to manipulate the relationship (either negatively or positively) in some way, i.e. get him/her to change behavior; as a 'wake-up call' to realize his interest in you, (normally by causing feelings of jealousy); or just to get your own childish way about something.
2) You really need time (undistracted time) away to make sure you can fulfill the expectations of the relationship, or review where you are and where you're headed, -or you are moving too fast and need to stop or slow down in order to do something you haven't done in awhile, like just catch your breath....ALONE FOR A CHANGE.
3) You are working on a plan to let him/her down 'easy' and dissolve the relationship.
If you're just springing the 'I-need-space' thing on him/her to purposely tease, or drive them insane with jealousy, I, personally, think you need to grow up.
If you're doing it to give him/her time to see the value of what they have in you, then it's OK.
If you really love each other or have deep feelings that could lead to love and you're taking time away from each other to regroup or meditate on where you're headed, again, I personally think that sleeping with each other (if it happens) is pretty normal because of the emotions and desire you have for each other.
But if you DON'T continue to sleep with each other during the 'I-need-space' thing, it's OK, too.
Last, if you are dissolving a relationship, I don't think it's gonna help either one of you in letting go.
Hope this helps.
Take care.
-Rio
Last edited by riobikini; 28th December 2005 at 1:18 AM.
thank u for that bit of advice rio .. i believe its more on the lines of # 2 .. she's not sure what shes wants, wether she wants to be single, or be with me .. we hadnt seen eachother in 2 weeks, (been trying space) .. but we have been texting almost every day ..
only thing is .. she has kissed a guy at a club that she knows, but told me it was a meaningly semi drunk kiss, yes she said theres no excuse for it , but she said that its meaningless ..
one thing i know that im really up against is her maturity level, shes 22, and im in my 30s .. shes around the party scene because she works in it, so shes constantly going out , best thing for me is to stay busy and let her decide what she wants in the future . right ?
I don't have info telling me just what the circumstances were nor just how UNserious/meaningless the kiss was, -but that raised MY OWN eyebrows, and you're OBVIOUSLY stuck on it or else you wouldn't have mentioned it.
You also say she is IMMATURE and working in a place where there are constant partyers.
Makes me wonder if she isn't too immature to know where to draw the line in her job and just how seriously she's considering you as a BF.
Which also makes me wonder just what KIND of GF she's going to make for you, long-term.
With most of these things, we already know the answer, man.
There's just a process we have to go through to get to the 'right' answer.
I personally do not believe in having sex during a break-up. It complicates things and why be so easy and give into the person that left's desires. That is just my opinion maybe because I am a woman and am more emotionally and can't carry casual encounters so easily.
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