[skeptik224]

my ex and i broke up about 3 months ago. since she was 19 (she's now 35), she's always been in a relationship and has never been on her own. she's never done the "dating around" thing. when she broke up with me (and many times since then to myself and others) she has said that she loves me, misses me, and wants nothing more than to date me. the problem is that i can't go back to just dating - when she's dating other people. she said she can't commit emotionally to anyone or anything. she wants to use this time to learn, grieve the loss of her last relationship, grow and party. she's said over and over it has nothing to do with me and has even told my best friend the same things - in addition, she's said that i'm one of the greatest people she's ever known and am pretty amazing. since we broke up, she contacts me every so often. the longest we went without talking was 2 weeks and then she showed up at my door. about 1 1/2 weeks ago, she sent me an e-mail wanting to get some stuff from my apartment and maybe grab dinner. i told her i wasn't ready to be just friends. long story short, she ended up coming over that night to get some stuff (she thought putting up decorations would make her like her apartment more). we talked a little and both have agreed, as in the past, that we can't keep going back and forth- dating, friends, dating, friends...and so on. (all verbal communication) needless to say, we ended up making out right before she left. she said i still make her tingle, that i take such good care of her and how i really do know her so well. i went out of town to see a friend of ours. although i hadn't heard from her for a week since our kiss, she e-mailed me the day after i got back from visiting our friend. i kept it very short and sweet. she tried to keep the communication going, but i stopped it. my question is that is it truly possible that she just may need the space to go out and do the things that we've all done when we were younger? (she's over 35) can her mixed signals mean she's mixed up herself? is she keeping me hanging out just in case she's ready to get serious and I'm the one she wants that with? help...any advice would be greatly appreciated...

[suegail]

Well, you did say she's grieving the loss of her last relationship and I assume that means someone before you, someone she may have felt she loved, and that's just very bad timing for you, because you are someone who has been gentle and kind to her, and someone she could possibly love if she weren't still feeling the after effects of the last relationship.

I think she sees all the good there is in you and feels you are someone she should really not be letting go of - unfortunately we don't fall in love because we know in our head it's right, it's good and it should be....at least it doesn't usually work that way.

She may at some later time be less affected by the past and yeah I think it's good to give her the space she wants and needs. You two may still have a future together. I'm hoping for you!