[DepressedWaiting]

I don't know if you guys remember me by reading my past threads recently. I just posted about two weeks ago. My MM is now filing for divorce, he already has an attorney/estate planner (whatever that means)... and says he is working on divorce right now and will be filing for divorce VERY shortly. I'm the one who accidentally told his wife about the affair (long story).

But what I'm hoping to get some opinions on is that... he is still living with his wife. His wife found out about the affair and she quit her job last week because of it. She doesn't know he wants a divorce and is planning it.

MM is screetly planning divorce and working with an attorney right now for the very first time and actively pursuing it full force.

My question is... I "think" my MM will refuse to leave the house when he files for divorce. I know 100% that his wife will without a doubt refuse to leave the house as well when he has filed for divorce because she will fight for every cent she can get. So when I ask my MM "So what you are telling me is that... once you have literally filed for divorce you might still be living with your wife 4 months from now if it takes that long?!?!". He says he doesn't know because he refuses to leave his house and is working with his attorney so that he will keep his house. He owned his house MANY years before he married and it's in his name, he's only been married 4 years, no kids. I know 100% that his wife will NEVER get the house in the divorce.

But I do know she will fight to get everything she can. My question is... how long do things like this generally take? I mean if MM filed for divorce and his wife refuses to leave the house... can this drag on for years?

I'm very confused right now.. I don't know if I should be happy that MM is proving me wrong and is actually filing for divorce... WOW I never thoguht this day would come. Or if I should still be very cautious because things like this can drag on for years?

I don't know what to think, I'm very confused. MM says I'm going to feel very stupid for never trusting him or listening to "internet garbage" about affairs when he actually proves me wrong...

MM says when he hears from his attorney next week he will update me with more info because this is all new to him and he doesn't know all the deadlines or how this works yet and that it's the biggest move and issue he's ever dealt with in his entire life and that it's costing him tons of money and that he's doing it all for me.

How long do things like this usually take if both spouses refuse to leave the house?

[DepressedWaiting]

As silly as this sounds I'm almost paranoid about posting here thinking his wife is going to see my posts. I know that's absurd... but I have that thought in the back of my mind. This is the last post I'm making here... I don't know why I'm paranoid about that!

After this thread I'm taking a break and will update you guys once... whatever happens... comes to a conlusion.

I have this sick feeliong that... even after he has filed for divorce that it's going to drag out for an entire year! I'm not sticking around for that. If MM cannot move into an aprtment or live somewhere else tempoarly once he's filed for divorce... I'm out of here. I mean he can move back into the house once the court gives full custody of the house to him. Don't you agree? I mean, he KNOWS he will eventually get the house 100%... not his wife when it's all over and done.

I'm not sticking around if he's going to be living with his wife for another 4-6 months... after he has filed for divorce. That is ridiculous.

[Owl]

Just because he owned the house before the marriage does NOT mean that he'll get the house...it all depends on where they live more than anything else. But, many states will require that they divide the assets up evenly...which means if they cannot come to an agreement on who gets the house, it will have to be sold and the money split between them...and yes, the divorce CAN be put on hold pending the outcome of the sale.

He may be 'secretly' planning on this divorce...but I would not be the least bit surprised if it doesn't happen once his wife gets wind of it. It COULD happen...but often it doesn't seem to happen that easily most times.

The state I live in requires a 60 month SEPERATION before they'll grant divorce...even if both parties are willing. That means that one or the other would HAVE to leave the premises for that 60 days to start...and if both refuse to move out, then the divorce CANNOT proceed until after seperate and go through that 60 day period.

Bad news for you I know...but it could be different where you live too.

[DepressedWaiting]

Yes, I knew it. I jumped the gun. I think this is a whole new mess starting now. I don't know. I'm not going to post too much anymore right now. I'll talk to MM after he hears more from his attorney.

NO, his wife... when she finds out... this will not stop him. His wife already knows... sort of. This is why she quit her job.

This is all very new to me, MM seems to be VERY serious about it and is actively pursuing it full force. He says he WILL prove me wrong and will give more more details when he hears from his attorney.

I don't know YET (100%) if MM would really refuse to leave the house or if he would be willing to live elsewhere once he files. He most certainly is not going to be living with me... noway. I don't want to be with him until he is free and clear of this whole mess. I may have mis-understood him... I think what he's really saying is that he refuses to lose the house... but maybe he will live elsewhere temporarly during the divorce. He wouldn't answer my questions... he asked me to please give him a break and not discuss it until he hears from his attorney...

so I just don't know too much right now

P.S- About the house... a while back I actually emailed many divorce attorneys describing the situation (pretending to be MM). ALL the attorneys wrote that is is EXTREMELY unlikely that his wife would get the house.

I know 100% she would NOT get the house. BUT what could happen is that... if there aren't enough funds in the bank or other assest for an equal split.. then the hosue might have to be sold. Now this is a very big possibilty. If this happens... MM will die. This house means everything to him... I'm very wary of this. I guess we'll see what happens. I'm very worried... MM says I shouldn't be because no matter what... he will prove me wrong.

[DepressedWaiting]

Actually, I'm going to email some divorce attorneys again. Some of them were really helpful, they also told me 4 years is considered a very short term marriage. I'm going to email some attorneys and ask them for a second opinion. Maybe I can get some more info on this and get more educated.

The more I know... the better. I;m just wondering... what is my MM going to do if he does has to sell his hosue in order to split assests... is he going to go through with it.. or lose me? I guess time will tell. I'm going to ask him this specific question the next time I talk to him. THIS is my biggest conern.

You guys don't know how much this house means to him, it's everything he has. He worked his entire life in order to be able to live the way he does. If he chooses that over me... the h*ll with him!

[whichwayisup]

Be prepared for anything to happen. Expect the worst, hope for the best.

Maybe you need to detach from him even more right now, if this goes to battle, and trust me, SHE is going to make his life HELL - He won't be any fun to be around. Plus, relationship ending in divorce, he still will need time to digest it all and go through the emotions. Don't put pressure on him right now, wait and see what happens. If you push things you may not like it if he pushes back and ASKS for space. Just be a friend to him, listen to him but do not get involved. I would honestly stop contacting divorce lawyers and getting info. This is HIS stuff that has nothing to do with you. IF his wife founds out that you're part of the equation she will go after you too. She's hurt like hell, pissed off and really, what is stopping her right now? She has nothing to lose when she finds out he's filing.

And yes, if he choses his lifestyle over you, walk away. Forever.