boyfriend didn't give a birthday present, no card, nothing
I've been with my boyfriend nine months.
We're supposed to be really in love with each other, and in a serious committed relationship. We have been saying we want a future together.
Today was my birthday, and I got no card or flowers, and no present.
I'm totally in shock by this because he has pretty good income compared to most people.
I extremely care for his children, they are really great kids, but it's hard for me knowing that he totally spoils them and for me, no card even.
I told him how sad I was, and he said that he just doesn't send cards to anyone.
He said he didn't even get his daughter a present on her birthday, but he got her a brand new car and Ipod-------I'm not jealous, like I said, I really like the kids, and love that he's such a good father, but how much does that say about how he feels about me....when everyone else who is close to him gets spoiled, and I get not even a card....he spoils the kids and cheaps out on his girlfriend? I don't expect to be on their level, but right now am feeling like chopped liver....
It's not about presents, it's about the fact that sending flowers would be nothing for him as far as $ goes, and he put no effort into making my birthday special, he called and emailed and told me happy birthday and that's all.
I waited all day thinking I'd be surprised.
Basically, I feel weird about this and don't know about this relationship, although I've thought he was a great person, I feel like the last priority in his life and am considering ending it. All based on the birthday, it's making me feel really terrible. I love him, and thought he loved me, now I doubt that. Am I overreacting?
I would be hurt....It IS the thought that counts....not the "price of the gift" or whatever....You should say that too him. "It's the thought that counts...could have been a simple red rose, card, something...a note on your pillow..." I would be pretty ticked....
Ok, he did call and email...but still..............after being together for 9 months?? Not enough effort, in my humble opinion......I guess when his birthday rolls around you could give him what he "gave" you.....an email and call...and see his reaction......if you stay with him, that is what I would do....
Get over yourself. So you didn't get another flower or another card that will soon be thrown out or something like that... so what? Maybe the guy's just not big into birthdays. That seems pretty clear since he didn't get his daughter anything either.
Did you ever tell him that you actually wanted something? Or did you just assume that "if he loves me, he'll get me something"?
He called, you tried guilt-induction, which is a good reason not to call anymore. Why would he now want to be in contact when you're going to pull off some immature shyt like that?
yea, I'm grumpy today
So, from what I understand, he's a warm and loving, respectful and caring gentleman, but you're considering ending the relationship because he didn't get you a card?
Basically, I feel weird about this and don't know about this relationship, although I've thought he was a great person, I feel like the last priority in his life and am considering ending it. All based on the birthday, it's making me feel really terrible. I love him, and thought he loved me, now I doubt that. Am I overreacting?
This is my experience with "no gift" holiday/birthday.
My ex hubby always remembered my bday every year. We never had much money, so the gifts were small. A card, dinner together. Time together.
One year he "forgot". Just forgot. I kept waiting, and waiting. but nothing. He forgot. I noticed he forgot me more and more. He was busy, didn't have much energy for me and our relationship. Valentines day rolled around, and he didn't get me anything. He wanted to hang out at the bar.
This was after years of gift giving and a pattern had been established of how bdays were treated. I gave him gifts on his bday, he gave on mine. So it's slightly different then your situation. BUT. I realized that he'd stopped putting me high on the priority list. He wanted me to stick around, but didn't want to put any effort in to the relationship.
I "forgot" his bday the two years after he started forgetting mine. He was furious. Sulked, moped around. It was pathetic. He acted like a baby.
Gauge this one off of how he treats you the rest of the time. My current bf doesn't like to celebrate his bday, but I'd already told him I wanted to spend the day with him, and do stuff together. So we did. I think he probably would've treated my bday as he wishes his was treated. Leave me alone for the day, call, but don't make a big deal out of it.
You really had needed to make your wishes and expectations better known prior to your bday. You'll have to evaluate the rest of your relationship on whether he places you low on his priority list. I think a 9 month gf should be slightly lower on the totem pole then the persons kids, but not bottom of the barrel.
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You had me at ‘Stop following me’.
Birthday's may not be important to him. IF you want a big deal made of your birthday in the future you have to tell him that! How was he supposed to know? You say he did call and email you! That is great and I'm sure to him, that effort he made was supposed to mean something to you. The fact he called. Some guys wouldn't and possibly forget!
Look for his actions, and all the little things he does. That shows how much a man loves a woman...Doesn't always have to come in the form of a gift.
I've been with my boyfriend nine months.
We're supposed to be really in love with each other, and in a serious committed relationship. We have been saying we want a future together.
Today was my birthday, and I got no card or flowers, and no present.
I'm totally in shock by this because he has pretty good income compared to most people.
I extremely care for his children, they are really great kids, but it's hard for me knowing that he totally spoils them and for me, no card even.
I told him how sad I was, and he said that he just doesn't send cards to anyone.
He said he didn't even get his daughter a present on her birthday, but he got her a brand new car and Ipod-------I'm not jealous, like I said, I really like the kids, and love that he's such a good father, but how much does that say about how he feels about me....when everyone else who is close to him gets spoiled, and I get not even a card....he spoils the kids and cheaps out on his girlfriend? I don't expect to be on their level, but right now am feeling like chopped liver....
It's not about presents, it's about the fact that sending flowers would be nothing for him as far as $ goes, and he put no effort into making my birthday special, he called and emailed and told me happy birthday and that's all.
I waited all day thinking I'd be surprised.
Basically, I feel weird about this and don't know about this relationship, although I've thought he was a great person, I feel like the last priority in his life and am considering ending it. All based on the birthday, it's making me feel really terrible. I love him, and thought he loved me, now I doubt that. Am I overreacting?
There is an age when we should stop expecting other people to make a big deal out of our birthdays..... Oh and that age is 11.
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- Mitch
"I am my own best friend... "
my darling girl ..i know how u feel...i just spent about 300 bucks on my guys xmas present and i know he bought a coffee machine for his ex..he got me a cheap indian skirt...
it hurts like crazy and u feel foolish ...esp when hes on a huge income and ur not...
its easy to say "dont expect anything" but we women nurture and nurture and when theres very little in return u feel sick in the end
give up the relationship? maybe ..u just dont know...so many are like this...
how nice it would be to feel spoiled...
im dreading the question" hey what did u get for xmas"///even my kids noticed and i too feel like chopped liver
hugs to ou girl...chin up
go give some bucks to some african kids...thats what im gonna do now from now on ..so i dont feel sorry for myself
Look at these posts sounding so sympathic.... but remove the sym, and it is pathetic advice. You should trust those that are more true with the realism than fantasism like my above posters. Your man doesn't love you that much plus he has a kid, that's like extra baggage you don't need. There are plenty of better men who are single without kids, leave him.
If you are anything like me, you dig birthdays, valentines day, christmas, and probably the rest of them. They are special days for doing special things for the people you care about. So when someone you care about does not recognize this after being "serious" together, they either don't know you well enough to know you enjoy special occasions or they don't care. For my ex, I went all out on his birthday, and one month later on mine he did squat. Nothing, just a call to say happy birthday. I was crushed! And I am not a materialistic kind of person, I am just sensitive and romantic. I honestly thought about breaking up with him over the whole thing, then I thought maybe I was selfish and I let it go. 2 months later we split because of the lack of effort he put into the relationship. If this guy does not recognize how important it was to you, then he is not really listening to you. It's not about how much or how little money a person has, it is the thought that counts. And honey, he wasn't thinkin about you. I'd back off and take time to reevaluate the relationship.
What shes talking about isnt PRESENTS!! Its how she's feeling totally UNIMPORTANT that he didnt do anything for her birthday, but showers other people with gifts...and got the board for his son the DAY AFTER her birthday!
bdaygrl: Its totally understandable that you would be feeling unimportant and at the bottom of the totem pole when comparing these instances.
But I would like to know, as someone else asked, does he ever pamper you in different ways????
I'd be upset too. Even if he isn't big on cards, he should have gotten something because it's important to you. His action makes it seem like he has never been in a relationship before or that he's been living on Mars. The norm is that Birthday's are big and if for some reason he decided not to get you a gift, he should have discussed it with you beforehand. I understand you weren't being materialistic but that you just wanted him to acknowledge you were special to him - and what more appropriate time than a birthday?
However, I wouldn't comtemplate breaking up with him over it. I'd just let him know that it hurt you and you hope it won't happen again in the future.
My bf forgot my birthday after being together a year. I actually had to drop hints throughout the day and when he still didn't get what I was hinting about I had to come out and tell him it was my birthday. All I got even when I finally told him was "Oh, I'm sorry - happy birthday" The End.
I got him back though - when his birthday rolled around I sent him a card in the mail with just my name signed at the bottom.
There are certain principles that, if your partner holds them, you should respect - even if you disagree with them.
Some people consider birthdays (and Valentine's day and Christmas) overly commercialised and therefore like to make a point of ignoring them. I call that Scroogeness wrapped up in a principle. Honestly... how earth shatteringly important is it to avoid lining Hallmark's coffers when the opportunity cost involves disappointing a partner who does feel that it's important to mark those days? Bloody hell - a card and a box of nice chocs doesn't exactly break the bank or involve a huge amount of inconvenience - and it's a nice gesture to make.
If he's got an issue about giving people birthday cards/presents, then I wouldn't be at all suprised to hear about a whole other laundry list of "principles" that have the ultimate effect of saving him money and stacking up an increasing pile of disappointing moments for you within the relationship.
What a tight git. I'd just laugh and tell him that you'll be contacting the ghost of Christmas and Birthdays past to rattle its chains in his face if he doesn't drop his Scrooge-like ways.
Last edited by lindya; 1st January 2006 at 9:26 AM..
I think the reason why giving gifts is so important is because it's an indicator of so many things. After all, love is really about offering the gift that you are to another person, and how they respond to that gift determines whether you're going to be committed or not to the relationship. If that person doesn't reciprocate by offering the gift of her-/himself to you, it doesn't bode well. It stops the love flow short, setting up a subsequent tit-for-tat relationality that sets everyone up for resentment. I think that may be what gift-giving means for lots of people.
Now, is it fair to put that overlay of meaning on birthday exchanges? I dunno.
Why would you want to be in a relationship where you are the one giving and he's not, regardless of the monetary issue? I'd be asking what it is about the person who stays in a relationship with a person who is so ungiving. You're worth more than this guy's willing to give. Move on.
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boyfriend didn't give a birthday present, no card, nothing
Yes you are over reacting!
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