Hi All

My exMM has suddenly gone from non communicative to phoning me every day and popping into the office to see me. I am leaving this company on Friday and I think he is a little freaked out.

Today he dropped a bombshell. Wanted to know if I want to try again? Do I see him in my future? Can we see each other over the Xmas holidays?

All the questions I found myself asking and never getting answers to.

The "bad" side of me wants to put him through the same misery he put me through and tell him I "need space", which I actually feel I do need right now. This has completely blown me away. I am so screwed up by this 180 degree turnaround.

So what happened to the verbally abusive, non-commital, cold person I had to deal with for the last 3-4 months???!! Where did he go? When will he be back? What will be the trigger that sets him off, and leaves me standing in the doorway alone again?

Should I take a month off, FROM EVERYONE, including my male friend who has a vested interest, and just be good to myself, spend time with my family, and sort out my REAL feelings from my feelings of OBLIGATION to him?

[wyldflower]

The best medicine is his own. Don't be available. You haven't been waiting for him while he goes off and does his thing (and even if you have, don't let him know!) so don't act as if you have. Giving him that second chance straight up will prove you are always going to be there no matter how long he takes off for... and he will do it again if there are no repercussions.

Why is he back? because he loves you? Can't get over you? You love the him too, right? You want to be with him? Ok -
Ultimatum time.
You have him right where you need him, to be able to do this. He's feeling vulnerable, he wants you back. Feel empowered. Tell him it's all or nothing. You're worth it, and he knows this or he wouldn't be back... he would've gone off and found himself another OW. If he says no - you've been without him for this long anyway!

Worked for me.

[travellingman]

Why?

Nothing in your post indicates the 2nd time will be any better than the 1st.

[Zaira]

He's married. He comes to you when things aren't look so good elsewhere. As soon as they perk up again he'll be treating you like crap. Become permanently unavailable to this guy and find someone worth your time and effort.

[Katch22]

[QUOTE=TiredOfWaiting

So what happened to the verbally abusive, non-commital, cold person I had to deal with for the last 3-4 months???!! Where did he go? When will he be back? What will be the trigger that sets him off, and leaves me standing in the doorway alone again?
[/QUOTE]


This is what you should read over and over agian until you see that statement for yourself. You said it no one else did, and it's funny cause we seek for answers from others that we already have found from ourselves.
So my question is why would you deal with this type of man weither he was married or single "verbally abusive"??? I hope you don't take this wrong I'm just reading what you wrote and I can't help but see the red flags that are waving that you wrote!!

Katch22

[newbby]

tow,
dont do it. dont go back until he is divorced. you do have him where you want him, as someone else said. do you want him to leave his wife and be with you? what do you want from this?

[crazy_grl]

Quoting you so you can read it again:

Originally Posted by TiredOfWaiting

So what happened to the verbally abusive, non-commital, cold person I had to deal with for the last 3-4 months???!! Where did he go? When will he be back? What will be the trigger that sets him off, and leaves me standing in the doorway alone again?

My thoughts were the same as Katch22. Why do you want this guy if he's behaving that way? Single or married, does that sound like a guy you want to be with?

Should I take a month off, FROM EVERYONE, including my male friend who has a vested interest, and just be good to myself, spend time with my family, and sort out my REAL feelings from my feelings of OBLIGATION to him?

Couldn't hurt.

One question I have is in what way do you feel obligated to him?