I have been doing no contact with my ex wife for about 4 weeks I ignore her e-mails and even her in person(at the gym).My question is, she e-mailed me to tell me her uncle died a couple of days ago, I knew him well,do i e-mail my ex back with my condolences or just continue and ignore it.What would you guys do?
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You can call to say Your sorry, but she might keep you on the phone. "Oh how ya doin" crap. Just say your sorry and end it at that. You have to make it a point to make sure you end it there. At least your not the jerk who didn't call her when her uncle died.
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I want to be the one he looks at, then smiles and says to his friends--that's her...
Not responding to something like a death in the family would be just cold and cruel..
She is still your wife..
About a month or so after I had Filed for divorce from my wife she went into the hospital and had to have a hysterectomy.
I asked my attorney if he thought that sending flowers was a bad thing or showed a sign of weakness..
He told me.. She is still your wife and she is also a human.. Send her flowers..
He also said that if I didn't sen the flowers then I would've showed a side of me that he didn't think was there..
YES respond with either and email or phone call..
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
I recently experience something similiar, a beloved member of my family passed away and I in such a high state of emotion contacted my ex, whom I struggled with NC. But you know what, when something like death in a family happens, these rules can be set aside. He responded with condolences which I accepted and you know what that was enough. He was human and I ceased all the harbored anger I was holding. In times of bereavement, put these differences with ex's aside...you can always pick up the NC and resentments later..but then you just may let it go too.
can't we spare a little more empathy to her, she did lose a family member. A kind word to her is not going to change the dynamics of their relationship. It's his ex-wife for goodness sake.
He is NC for a reason I suspect. I didn't go NC when I got divorced but I did with my last breakup. Its all about the cirumstance and what you need to do to heal your life.
Sure we could spare being empathetic and risk being drawn back in to a silly drama for what? sentimentality? Because that's all it is. Sending a message of condolences to your ex is simply a way to get drawn back into the drama. The condolences belong with the family if you choose to send them at all. This isn't going to change whether or not you, the ex, are a good and lovable person. Condolences can be silent and also private. Typing a message and hitting send doesn't magically restore you to being a better human being than one who sends condolences privately or even decides it not in his interest (for healing) to do so.
NC is about healing your life. Its serious, especially when there is addiction involved. We are seeing the results around here of people who still don't understand what NC is all about. No Contact.
regards
Last edited by bendit; 7th November 2005 at 5:49 PM..
Now really... can't we spare a little more empathy to her, she did lose a family member. A kind word to her is not going to change the dynamics of their relationship. It's his ex-wife for goodness sake.
He was asking for suggestions, so I gave him one.
Contacting the family directly would show he feels for them, wouldn't it?
The condolences belong with the family if you choose to send them at all.
She is the family Bendit.. We are not talking about a close friend of hers.. It was her uncle.. That makes her the uncles family.. so the condolences should go to her..
I had this happen while we were going through the break up. I verbally gave him my condolences and sent a card to his stepdad (the son of the deceased). I felt like I did the right thing.
Well I e-mailed her back and said I was sorry to hear about the passing of her uncle then all of a sudden I phoned her and asked her to marry me again and she said yes we are re-newing our vows tomorrow NOT
All it was really is a simple e-mail to send my best wishes to the family including her she e-mailed back to say she would pass it along and asked how our dogs were doing not how I was doing of course Now its backl to NC like it never happened.I have a date tonight so I never gave it another thought.
I think you did the right thing, scobro. It shows some class, and I can't see how that would diminish the progress of your NC, or "draw you back in" at all.
And clearly your sense of humor still kicks a** (you had me right up to "... asked her to marry me...." I'm so freakin' gullible, I was going "oh no, oh no..." ).
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Now its backl to NC like it never happened.I have a date tonight so I never gave it another thought.
I'm so freakin' gullible, I was going "oh no, oh no..." 
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