[Aquarius Guy]

So I suspect my wife is having an affair in the excercise room at work.

I am trying to be cool, and not confronting, but building repect in the marriage.

Hard to feel like doing things to improve the marriage, when I feel like a fool.

Ideas?

[JadeStar]

First of all what makes you feel that you suspect her? Whats some things she is doing/not doing to make you think this? Yes its best to remain cool until you have some more facts.



Jade

[Aquarius Guy]

Dear Jade Star,

Did I remember a different Avatar? Green hair is nicely organic.

I supsect my wife is having an affair because: My wife has threatened divorce from time to time. When we discussed separaton a month ago, she wanted to start dating that night. I said I would wait, accoring to the Law and the Divine, until divorce was final. She says she is going to leave me before too long. She once said she should not have passed up a chance to leave me. Just things she has said in anger, without thinking. Usually she is real secretive.

But I am more focusing on the issue of repsect, and her not say YES to everyone who asks for her time, then she is short for me.

Thanks for the reply.

[JadeStar]

Yes I change my avatar from time to time. Well its highly possible that could be the case as far as her seeing another. However, just because she has threatened divorce doesn't mean she is seeing someone else. There could be lots of other reasons for her wanting to seek a divorce. I think the main question is, is this something you feel thats worth saving? Is she very adamant about a seperation/divorce? Do you feel shes not willing to work on things? Have you all tried marriage counseling or is that just not an option? If you were to find out for sure that she was infact seeing another, what are your plans?



Jade

[Bryanp]

I think you are really fighting an uphill fight. Your wife wants out of the marriage and is screwing some guy in the exercise room and putting your health at risk for STD's assuming you are still intimate. Her words and actions indicate that she has little or no respect for you. I suggest you contact a good lawyer and know your various options to protect yourself.
You could always try to bust them yourself in the exercise room but really what is the point? Why do you wish to be with someone who by their actions and words has no respect for you and does not wish to be with you. Why would you wish to settle for this? I wish you luck.

[Trying to move on]

Hi Aquarius,

I'm pretty new to this forum but from what I've read and what I've experienced myself your gut instinct is very rarely wrong -- you sense she's checked out of your marriage and you're assuming it's because of someone else. It may well be or it may be she's looking but still unsure of whether to go or stay (since she talks about it but hasn't yet physically left).

You sound like you're trying to adjust your approach with her in treating her and the marriage with respect --- I give you great credit for recognizing that you can't MAKE her stop wanting someone else, you can only make her want you MORE than someone else. Some of the experiences I've read so far show that those BS's who demonstrate a real committment to changing what was missing together with the OS demonstrating a real committment to repairing the hurt are the couples who come out of this better than going into it. Spend some time thinking about what you want from this -- are you looking for validation that you're right and she's wrong --- are you looking for proof she checked out of the marriage and you're the one who tried to save it --- do you really WANT to make this work or do you not want to lose to someone else???

Be sure of what you want before you confront her at all --- and the best of luck in making your decision