Love Triangle (I feel shame)

AnneF

I have had a roommate for almost 2 years. Although she and I were friendly, I did not consider her a good friend.

When I first moved in, she brought a cute guy over to our house. I kinda liked him but he seemed interested in her so I did nothing. They slept together quickly even though she was sleeping with another guy, and had just had a boyfriend who had just moved out. In short, we are not talking a moral woman.

On the other hand, over time, I developed stronger and stronger feelings for her "boyfriend". I felt sorry for him and felt she treated him like #####.

It got so bad that I couldn't stand beiong in the house while they were there together having candlelight dinners, taking showers together, etc. I guess I idolized the guy (I'll call him Ricky).

I thought Ricky was the cutest, smartest, sweetest person I had ever met. He ended up practically living at our house.

Finally, I realized I was in love with Ricky. I couldn't take it any more, and on some advice, decided to make my feelings known. I flat out told my roommate, who of course reacted in a bad way. In addition, for my sins, I am now couch hopping because I do not ever want to be in that house again, nor ever see those two together again.

Before I moved out, I did a bad thing..I was playing around with Ricky's clothes (for comfort) and I took 2 pictures of him. I figured that even if he didn't like me he would just be flattered. After all, there was no pressure there.

My roommate was extremely offended, of course.

The dilemma is I now feel I could die of shame. Of course, Ricky did nothing, and now probably thinks I'm psycho. My worst fear is to see him again somewhere. We have some acquantances in common. All this happened about 6 days ago, but I am so mortified by his rejection of me I can hardly stand it. What should I do? I'm not stupid enough to try to contact Ricky again. But, I really really feel like the stupidest girl in the world. My roommate actually accused me of having mental problems because I said I loved her boyfriend. Isn't it a sad day on earth when to love means mental illness?

If anyone has any thought, it would be appreciated. Thanks.