[patwheel]

Hey everyone,

A little background story on us, or what was us.

I am 23 and she is 25. Met her through mutual friends, since I just came to the USA, I did not know a lot of people, and tend to just stay and hang out with my little group of friends. We started hanging out, and one day, hooked up. It was great, we were both young, I was her first, and she was my third.
I loved getting that puppy love back again, loved her, but didnt want to get too serious too fast. We were great like this for about 1-1yrs1/2. I then decided to ask her to move in with me, and then all hell starts to break loose. Too young, too fast? Maybe, most probably. Also the fact that we were hanging out with the same people all the time did not help. I started loosing my identity and so did she. We started being more and more dependent off each other. When the times were great, they were awesome; however, when we were fighting, I wanted to kill myself. The fighting became incessent at the end (sept 05). She eventually moved out with one of her friend, telling me at first that she still wants to be with me. So we try out, for a month, and then same problems arise: she wants to experience on her own, she doesn't know who she is anymore.
She still says she loves me, and still wants to be friends with me, but not more. I tried to ignore her, changed phone number and all that, but after 1 week, I broke down today. I couldnt stand it anymore, since for me even though we were fighting, I still love her, and still want to be with her. I called her up and told her all that, and all she could come up with is :"im sorry it upsets you, im sorry youre sad".
she says that she is doing this because its the best thing for her, and that our relationship was consuming her too much. she says she felt trapped and guilty at all time, and she even told me she does not have the heart to fight for us anymore.
im not saying im a saint, we both did wrong things, said the wrong stuff, but after almost 3 yrs being together, almost living together for the entire time(she was mostly staying at my place from the get go), how can someone just turn like that? how can she be so cold and distant, and not even consider us possibly getting back together. I know this is ridiculous from me to even think about it, since she dumped me, and that I should move on, but I don't understand and Im going insane over this. All the usual stuff, cant eat, sleep, study, work.