greetings everyone,I'am new to this board and came here out of utter desperation.I've been reading all the posts & replys on this board and I said to myself what a caring and supportive group and this where I can get answers!!!! Debbie and I met in 1978 and lived together for two years and then married in 1980.Her sexual affairs started in 1980 and are still ongoing...but why shes with the one she has now is VERY disturbing and I'll explain why soon.I have stayed through this because of many reasons...I believe in my marriage vows and I wanted the children to have somewhat of a whole family.Her affairs are in cycles starting up every six months and lasting three to six weeks.During each one she would say..."oh the looks he gives me and the sex"....or "he does something to me"..etc. All the men shes been with have been decent looking, average intelligence,etc but this one shes with now....dear lord what has happen her.The man shes with now is homly looking (debbie is very good looking) has no job,no car,no drivers lic.has the mentality of someone out of eighth grade,hes an alcohloic,has the personality of a horseshoe crap...and he can not get it up..all this and she told her girlfriend "I think I'am in love with him".My therapist has told me shes addictted to sex and low self esteem, can low self esteem really make her be with someone like that!!!!And whats this I think I love him.
Where in your marriage vows does it say that you have to take the amount of disrespect that dishes out to you ??
When I was married I had to weigh the vows verses living a life of misery.
I divorced for different reasons that infidelity but sometimes the reasons don't matter.
I think you need to get her to participate in Marriage counseling and if she doesn't I think you need to swing your therapy to how to get out of the marriage instead of how to stay in..
A marriage is a 2 way street and you cannot hold it together all by yourself..
__________________
~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
She's a serial cheater, low self esteem and you are still married to her? Letting her pattern be shown to her kids? Does she not feel what she is doing is wrong? Show any remorse? I can't believe you sit there and take it! She actually has the nerve to go into detail about each man she's with, and you don't think there's something wrong UNTIL now she is having an affair with a man who isn't attractive but now she emotionally involved with? Hello! Wake up Jeff!
Your kids are suffering, probably more than you know or that let are letting on. Your heart is breaking yet you still stick with this woman because you love her? What does she DO for you? Holy cow, get some therapy for her so she can fix herself and together either decide marriage counselling or get a divorce.
Oh my Jeff, you need to stop enabling this disrespectful and destructive behavior immediately! You must make it clear that you will not tolerate such activity and if she decides to continue, then SHE must pack her things and leave. She should NOT take the kids! You should remain in the home with them (as obviously the only responsible adult!). I've seen both sides of the custody/child support situations, and you should not be forced to give up your home, your children, and more than half your income because of her actions. At some point in your life you will realize that she has walked all over you, and on some level, you allowed it. Demand some respect for yourself and accountability for her at the same time! If she's got self-esteem issues and/or sex addiction problems, then let her get some help. Stop allowing her to infect you and your children with this outrageous behavior.
I feel very sorry for you but you would have to be a masochist to accept such total humiliation and disrespect. You were married in 1980 and her sexual affairs started this first year of marriage and have been continuing for 25 years. Her sexual affairs continue for 6 weeks or so.
You need to open your eyes. I am amazed she has not given you some STD. What a message you give your family. I will stay with my wife who has screwed around for 25 years because I wish to keep my marriage vows? She has total disrespect for you. Unfortunately you have lost any respect you may have once had. It is so sad that your wife disrespects you this way but worst that you disrespect yourself. Why should your wife respect you. You allowed her to screw different men for the past 25 years with no boundaries and consequences to her actions. You are an example of an abused spouse who has lost all self-esteem. Your wife has made a complete mockery of you and your marriage. Would you want your children to marry someone like your wife? If you do not stand up for yourself then who will? Have you ever stood up for yourself? I don't see how your wife or children could ever respect a person who has such a martyr complex. I cannot believe your therapist has not pointed this out to you. Why do you feel you deserve so little in your life?
By the way, I forgot to mention in my previous post if your wife has constantly been screwing other men since the first year of your marriage; what makes you think that your children are biologically yours?
Dear fellow LS-ers, didn't you notice that nowhere in this (possibly fake) post did Jeff mention that he was bothered by his wife's multiple affairs?
How did you possibly assume that he was not cheating on her too? It sounds like they are having an open marriage and the only thing that is bothering him is how she can be with a scum like her current BF.
In any case, to answer Jeff's precise question, yes, I think low self-esteem CAN do that to a woman. "I think I love him" means he makes me feel special, wanted, loved, happy...
Jeff, you're such a tool. No one in their right mind would tolerate this. How in the world you've been able to put up with this whore of a wife for over 20 years, I have no idea! I'm sad for you and your kids. This marriage should have ended right in 1980. Kids don't always suffer more from divorces; what happens under that roof is what really matters. A tactful divorce would have been much better, right from the start.
How old are they now anyway? Seriously, either kick that heartless nympho out or move out and start a brand new life with another woman who respects you.
I still can't believe what a waste this is. Good Lord! Good luck to you, Jeff
RP.. This is what I keyed on.. If he was cheating also then his marriage vows wouldn't have been an issue
If this thread is authentic at all, I would find it hard to believe that in 25 years this guy hasn't had affairs too. He must be around 50 so he knows what he wants and his question was very specific. But I kinda don't believe in these crazy posts lately.
Now that you've mentioned it, you're right. Either J is having an affair too and maybe the rules were "don't fall inlove" and she has??? I don't know. OR it's another person from that other site and they're fvking with us.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
