[Thoughts]

my situation is a little more tricky...
i've been with my boyfriend since march 1st. we moved in together june 1st. (we've known eachother for over 8 years and i used to date and live with his brother - my current boyfriend and i HATED eachother up until the day we first slept together) ok... so - when my bf and i got together he was still with his ex. and in fact - HE NEVER BROKE UP WITH HER. they were together for about 2 1/2 years - the same amount of time as me and his brother. we started sleeping together because i was very upset with his brother and he knew that was the reason. we NEVER thought we would end up together. he and his girlfriend were having problems for a while. he just stopped talking to her. he would disappear for weekends at a time to be with me and she would just wonder why he would disappear. it was in May that we realized how real this was and that we were in love. he still to this day has not verbally broken up with her. she is psychotic and she has proven this by her actions of freaking out and calling his friends etc. etc. so, as much as i feel she should know a) he has a new girlfriend b) he is living with her and c) it is his brother's ex - he feels that it is none of her business and she will just go a little crazy. since we've been together she's called him. moreso at the beginning - and he would answer on rare occassions - but, hasn't answered in a few months - in fact she stopped calling altogether a month or so ago. well, two days ago she started calling again. and then this morning she called at 6:50 am!!!! her mother is sick with cancer and i am hoping she has not passed - but, my boyfriend doesn't want to deal with the situation - he figures she will just go away. i am starting to get a little annoyed. i know i can't keep her from calling him, but i think she should know he's moved on. he doesn't want to call her back or talk to her because he feels it will encourage the phone calls and if her mother has passed, he doesn't want to know - because she needs to find someone else to lean on - i know this is a little jumbled - writing it at work - just would love some thoughts on the situation....
thanks

[darkknight]

Crikey

what goes around comes around.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

[Thoughts]

those are your thoughts???

[darkknight]

ok let me be more verbose

let me try to summarise......

u were unfaithful on ur bf of 2.5 years with his brother. he was also in a relationship. he has never finished with her.

She calls who she thinks is her bf. Perhaps because she is vulnerable because her mother is terminally ill with cancer.

And you are posting because you feel these phone calls are inconvenient to your clandestine relationship.

Maybe send her a text with the url to this forum.

I just don't think you or he have acted with a great deal of decorum or morality quiet honestly

[Thoughts]

no. no. no. i never cheated on my ex. we broke up last september. and his brother and i didn't get together til march. the fact that he was still with his ex - sure, not nice - but, his doing, not mine. so, yeah, i knew going into this that he was non-confrontational - but, i didn't reap anything. was my post that confusing

[Thoughts]

she IS psycho. the four of us would hang out at times, back when i was with his brother. sometimes he would come hang out with us and he would just want to spend some quality with his brother - she would call and call and call and call and call his brother's phone and then my phone ALL NIGHT LONG. sometimes she would just show up. she would make scenes everywhere they went. PSYCHO. i'm a very compassionate person and i too think he should tell her, but how can she NOT know we are together. she knows he lives with me! she can't put one and one together?? she thinks we are platonic?? i don't know. she is quite dumb.

[darkknight]

yes thoughts it was, but I will forgive you if you will forgive me.

Perhaps you shoud wear your pointiest shoes and kick your bf in the a$$. He needs to explain kindly to the gf that it is over and he has moved on. No more info required. Upset on top of dealing with that situation with her mother.

Come on a little bit of sisterhood, here.

Frankly his brand of non-confrontational is my kind of weak!!!

[newbby]

Originally Posted by Thoughts

those are your thoughts???

hi, these are my thoughts....
i agree with you. his exgf sounds like she is going through a hard time. it would be much easier if he just told her and allowed her to get over him. because their whole relationship was up and down and she likely did not know where she stood, the ending, where she still doesnt really know where she stands is confusing for her. she needs to be told. it is much harder to deal with something when you are not quite sure exactly what you are dealing with. your bf may think he is doing the best thing but he isnt. she also must be really down about her mother, it doesnt sound like she is psychotic, just needy. he needs to tell her and he can do it in a nice way and say he is sorry about her mother too, but make it clear that he has moved on and can not be there for her.