[SugarWereGoinDown]

My grandmother passed away this night and i attended her wake along with all my family and some friends. I noticed that mostly everybody in the FAMILY was upset and crying except for me. I felt kind of cold-hearted that i wasnt upset and crying like everyone else.

I looked over at my brother he was upset, my mother hysterical, and my father had an upset look. And i held a straight face with no emotion.

I cried at my other grandmothers wake.. was it because i was younger and closer to her?

I just felt kind of uncomfortable because even friends of my mother were crying and im her grandson and i didnt even get a tear to my eye.

I just dont want like anyone to feel that just because i wasnt upset i didnt love my grandmother. I loved her like a family member.. but I just didnt get upset at the wake or when I found out she passed away.

I felt sorry for my mom but i also viewed my grandmothers death as a good thing because she looked so peaceful. I felt sorry for her when she was living because she could not talk, walk or do anything. All she did was just look and smile while she was in her wheelchair

[quankanne]

you aren't cruel or heartless, sugar*– it sounds like you'd pretty much made your peace with her impending death before it happened, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. People grieve at different paces, and I'm guessing that your parents and your brother aren't at the point of the process that you are ...

you have my condolences,
quank

[hillman]

Firstly, comiserations to you and your family. I know from experience that losing a family member can be hard.

You were prepared for what happened. Perhaps you'd already done your grieving when your grandmother became unable to walk, talk, etc. Perhaps thats all you've ever known? I don't know your personal circumstances obviously.

If you are able to cope with this, then try to help your family to cope too. Be the one they can lean on for support.

[JS17]

I'm sorry for your loss *hugs*

I agree with the other posters in that when an individual is so ill that it's painful to watch them go through life every day it's almost a blessing to see them pass on. It does sound as if you understand this and have made peace with her death. Many times it's the shock and disappointment of an event that plays a role in our outward showing of emotions but you were well prepared and it sounds as if you believe she has moved away from her physical pain.

Be there for your family as their rock during this hard time. There will come a time when you need them to be your rock.

[GuySimple]

Sorry about your loss.

I never cried at either my grandmother’s funeral or my fathers. I loved them both dearly but I think I just kept it in. I remember looking around and seeing everyone a mess and thought that someone had to stay glued together. It was too easy for me to shut off the emotion and help others grieve.

Since that time, 19 years ago for my father, I have had some real good cry’s but by myself. Not that I was afraid to cry in front of others but because it was such an incredibly personally emotional, special event that I didn’t want to share it with others.

It sounds like you handled it in the way you needed to, and that’s all you can do. The biggest honor you can give someone is to make them a part of you after they are gone. Do you think that your Grandmother would be honored if she knew that her death caused you to explore yourself inwardly and seek to understand your emotions better? What a gift you have given her. And what a legacy she has left.

[SugarWereGoinDown]

Happy to find that someone went through a similar situation .. i havent really known her to well because i was really young when she was able to walk, talk etc... just when i strated getting into my teen years she developed dimensa.. something like altzimers but not as serious and deadly i suppose... So i never grew very close to her like i did to my other grandmother who tookc are of me when i was really young.

I also think my grandfather is going to pass away soon he broke his femur bone and isnt looking to hot anymore... I was close to this grandafther so maybe this will make me upset i dont really know