I have caught my wife several times masturbating in bed when she thought I was sleeping. When I confront her about it she denies it. I think she has some sexuality issues, she fantisies about lesbian sex. I just want her to be honest with me, then maby we could work things out or at least come to some understanding. She said she was sleeping and has no recall of the incidents at all. I know for sure she was not sleeping. What should I do?
I have caught my wife several times masturbating in bed when she thought I was sleeping. When I confront her about it she denies it. I think she has some sexuality issues, she fantisies about lesbian sex. I just want her to be honest with me, then maby we could work things out or at least come to some understanding. She said she was sleeping and has no recall of the incidents at all. I know for sure she was not sleeping. What should I do?
your wife obviously has some sexual needs that she is trying to satisfy. You need to talk to her and be open about sex, what you will do, what you will allow, and what it is that she would like to do with you sexually. Sometimes women enjoy doing some sexual acts that they feel their husbands or partners won't go for. Sometimes the women just feel embarrased to share these sexual thoughts with their husbands. If you can honestly, (and be non judgemental) towards her and her sexual thoughtss and needs, she may be willing to open up to you and share her thoughts. Believe me, SHE IS NOT DOING THIS UNCONSCIENCIOUSLY!!!! If you can BOTH be open and honest with your sexual feelings, who knows maybe you can both explore her and your sexual feelings and enjoy it together!!
in bed when she thought I was sleeping. When I confront her about it she denies it. I think she has some sexuality issues, she fantisies about lesbian sex. I just want her to be honest with me, then maby we could work things out or at least come to some understanding. She said she was sleeping and has no recall of the incidents at all. I know for sure she was not sleeping. What should I do?
You make this sound like she is guilty of some horrible crime. Masturbation can be a healthy part of someone's sex life when they are married, just so long as it does not interfere with intimacy. Also, having a fantasy about lesbian acts does NOT indicate sexual issues. Fantasy is just that....fantasy. If she is just thinking about this from time to time, you have no position to call it a problem. HOWEVER, when fantasy starts blurring into reality, that is where issues arise. Is she acting on these fantasies? Is she pulling back sexually from you? I think your attempts to get information out of her were too accusatory and judgmental. That approach is only going to keep her silent and further push her away. You need to make her understand that you want to learn more about her wants and needs. Some of them you may be able to fulfill, some of them you may not. Let her do the talking and you do the listening.
I am just appalled by your considering masturbation an issue!! What about all the men who masturbate?
OH GOD! Does that mean all men are abnormal? I had no idea!
What you did to your wife is an inconsiderate behavior based on sheer ignorance that has been established by patriarchal social stereotypes that allow men to think that women should only act within certain social contraints. There's only one thing to say. WAKE UP!
Didn't you know? What men do, women do too!
And about the lesbian fantasies, didn't you know that women feel aroused by the female body as well as men? Through out history, the media has portrayed women in such a way that the viewers (both men and women) are trained to view the female body through the male's point of view. This is called the "male gaze" perspective. There are many books and scientific researches on this topic.
If you really love your wife, drop the issue and accept her for who she is, and WHAT SHE DOES. The issues you have brought up are just so natural to me so I don't see why you should continue worrying about what's not even a deal at all.
women who do not masturbate are very dull indeed. Also it is better that she does it herself than does it with someone else.
I always try to encourage women to do it themselves. They are usually better in bed if they know how to feel.
As for the lesbian bit...speaking for my own experience, bisexual women are great fun. You can talk to each other about what women you find attractive. With a pure straight women this is not possible.
To a bisexual woman, I am able to say, quite honestly, I would never sleep with another woman unless it was with my partner.
As for her having affairs with another woman, I can say this doesnt threaten me in the least.
was only trying to show how great artists (Dali) t
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Why was my harmless and insightful post removed?
I am very offended that you removed my post on masturbation.
What is wrong with someone responding the way I did? The post initially made me laugh and I see nothing unusual about that, since laughter sometimes comes out when we are nervous. I was just relieved that someone dared talk about women and masturbation because I happen to do it too.
I pointed out that women who masterbate often know their bodies better than women who don't, and that some of them can even give themselves better orgasms because they know their own stimulus zones best. I also pointed out that sometimes it is good to be left alone to masturbate as this can be a private experience.
I see that cencorship on this forum is very subjective. Don't you have a sense of humour? Have you never heard of Salvador Dali? His famous painting, entitled, "Le Grand Masterbateur" (The Big Masturbator) is fascinating to look at and has NOTHING to do with pornography!
was only trying to show how great artists (Dali) t
..Just let your wife have her fun. Afterall, when you masterbate (if you do) you do not expect her to make a big deal out of it, do you? No... OR...to help solve her needs, it would be nice if you would think to accommadate her, without expecting oral sex back in return, as most men would... Just please her without taking... That's all women want sometimes. Its nothing personal, nor anything to get jealous over...
Re: Why was my harmless and insightful post removed?
I am very offended that you removed my post
Quote:
on masturbation. Have you never heard of Salvador Dali? His famous painting, entitled, "Le Grand Masterbateur" (The Big Masturbator) is fascinating to look at and has NOTHING to do with pornography!
Dear Offended,
I'm sorry to see that your post was removed as I saw no reason to do so. Unless another host removed it, I have no idea what happened to it. I actually did a bit of research on Dali after reading your post to ensure that a piece by that title did exist, and managed to find a print of it online. It's actually a pastel, I believe, and not a painting. From what I saw of his complete collection, he did use the subject of masturbation more than once, even portraying Hitler in the act.
I hope that the other hosts use a bit more sense in determining which messages are appropriate and inappropriate. They have all been instructed to only remove those messages which violate our basic guidelines. We do not remove messages here based on a difference of opinions and I welcome you to repost if you wish.
We are currently working on a new forum system that would allow for a better handling of these situations and I welcom e any opinions you may have on the matter.
Thank you for sharing with us! I found your post quite valuable, and again, am deeply sorry.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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