Hi all, I figured I would try the NC thing to see what may come of it. I am having a hard time dealing with my breakup with my girlfriend. I'll give you some background and explain what happened.
My relationship with my ex lasted about 10 months but it was somewhat of a rocky ride. We had some great times but ultimately I felt like the relationship was always about HER. We are both in our early 30's. Anyway,..When we started dating she slowly started leaking out her financial situation. She had filed bankruptcy once before and had a huge house payment that she refinanced and took all the equity out of and had a NEW SUV (which some guy co-signed for), cc debt and all the luxuries possible,..ie direct t.v, tivo, xm radio, 2 cell phones, cable spped internet, etc,... She had to have the best of everything. The kicker is that she was finding any way possible to not go to work. So as we were discussing her money issues WE decided it would be a great idea for her to trade in the SUV for a more economical 4 cylinder vehivle. You know, lower payment, better gas mileage etc. Before I knew it she had gone car shopping with ANOTHER guy and traded in her vehicle for a BRAND NEW 6 cylinder SUV (supposedly she bought it with only HER name on the title, I dunno). Basically the same payment. Isn't that considered betrayl of your boyfriend or at least disrespectful? Well,..we had it out and broke up pfor a short time During that time the guy she bought the truck with moved in with her and then moved out when we got back together. According to her he told her he wanted to marry her etc..)That span was about a months time. Anyway,..She had been pressuring me to have a baby with her because we were discussing marriage but she figured why don't we just work on having a baby now. I said lets get married first. That sounds reasonable, right? She wanted me to refinance her house with her before we were married also but I wanted to wait on that also.
So,..that's a little background. Now what has happened lately. She told me not to be upset but that she and that guy she purchased her vehicle with, they were going to exchange vehicles for a few days because her has a huge truck and was going on a trip. He also gave her a birhtday gift. Both things upset me. I know that they have known each other a long time and that my ex knows his mother and family. I tried to convey my feelings about what was happening and she turned it around making it my fault and walked away from me all upset. We didn't talk for a few days (i tried to call and she ignored me) then We e-mailed back and forth. I explained how I was feeling and also said I was sorry about the arguement. I sent her some really nice flowers and an e-mail explaining more and telling her that I still love her and our relationship is worth it. That was a couple days ago. Today she e-mailed me and basically was rejecting me and said please don't call because she has nothing to say right now. I think she just wanted to reject me and break the silence figureing I would call immediately like I have in the past. I have decided to keep NC this time. Just to see what will happen. Either heal or see if she will understand my position. I am very supportive of her and we never fight except when it comes to this issue. She has had other men (ex's) that stay in her life that are just friends now (according to her).
Am I crazy to feel uncomfortable about these men that I don't know or have met doing significant things with her? Am I just important to her because I can pay her bills? There is a lot more to it also, just a lot of red flags which have demonstrated that she gets what she wants and nothing is ever her fault. At least that is how it seems. I want to trust her completely like I hadve in the past but I am having wierd feelings, she is not reinforcing my trust.
I hope she will come around and realize my position. If she doesn't, I suppose NC will help me finally get over her. I do miss her though. I just don't want to be a sucker down the road, you know.
Thanks for your replys.
Last edited by Clevelandfan; 3rd October 2005 at 4:25 PM..
You're right,..I am not crazy am I . I just have been trying to NC and not think about the good times. You know what I mean?
Yeah,..I made a point of wanting to protect myself and she really didn't like it., but she put up with it. Thanks for replying. NC is hard but I have to grow a spine here and now, otherwise I believe she will just do whatever she want's and disrespect me all the time.
Last edited by Clevelandfan; 3rd October 2005 at 4:31 PM..
I hear you, man. It's good you came here for an outside point of view. Emotions can definitely cloud our judgment. While your feelings are valid and you miss the good times, she's definitely not someone you should be around, unless you enjoy reckless behavior. People like her will eat your soul without shedding a tear. She sounds very selfish -- unworthy of all you have to offer.
Yeah,, I agree,...There is so much more to say about her character that I haven't like for instance,..one of her "friends" is a married guy who she had a 5 year relationship with but wouldn't divorce so she could marry and have a child. Supposedly now they are just "friends". I can't believe that anymore.
Do yourself a favor and cut her off for good. Anybody else who reads this will tell you the same thing. It's so obvious she'll screw you over worse than she already has.
I would make sure you exactly where all of your seed goes with woman.. Use condoms.. She will stick you with a child..
She is a user.. Just look at her history o using guys to get her cars..
and the fact that she cannot spend responsibly
I wouldn't just do NC .. Because you are a mark she will continue to try and get to your wallet thru your co*k you need to get ready to lay out all the big guns to get rid of her..
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
Thanks guys,..I will stick to NC. I think she is a "maneater" and I am a trusting type of guy. That is a bad combination. I've been smart by using condoms while we were together. It got to the point where I was getting stressed out a bit worrying about an "accidental" pregnancy and not even wanting to be intimate. That is sad, huh. I'm glad you guys reinforced my position about her motives. I knew I wasn't overreacting but she was trying to turn it around on me like I was painting crazy pictures. I'll let you know what happens, if anything. Thanks.
Am I crazy to feel uncomfortable about these men that I don't know or have met doing significant things with her?
Why should you worry... he's just looking for a woman he can "truck"
Seriously, this whole situation sounds trucked-up to me. She lies, doesn't keep agreements and has inappropriate relationships with other men when you don't give her what she wants. This is before we move on the fact that she gives all the signs of being an unstable personality and has the debts to prove it.
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I do miss her though. I just don't want to be a sucker down the road, you know.
You need to do some therapy or something to understand what you see in a woman like this. What needs it fulfills in you.
In the meantime, follow Western's advice to cut her off for good. And in future, bear in mind Art's warning about girls like this trying to get pregnant thru you.
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That is not me in the photo. Nor is it my ass
Have you guys been involved or had a friend involved in this type of one side take-all destructive relationship? She claimed that after we were married, she wouldn't have these types of relations (which I believe are all to get co-signers and bills paid). I suppose in theory, if I was unable to keep pace with her spending, she would then look elsewhere for money AND have me locked down. God it is just sick to think that she is that type of person! How do women like that live with themselves? Do you guys think she could ever possibly change after having a baby and settling down? I mean, have you seen this happen before where a woman does settle down like that?
Unfortunately, I have to see this woman at work from time to time. I don't have to speak to her, but I know she is there and in my line of sight sometimes. I hate ignoring her because if I am actively ignoring her, then I am thinking about ignoring her,..you guys get the point. I'll do my best to keep NC and just move on.
I do need to find out what "needs she is fulfilling in me". It could be just the fact that I haven't had many girlfriends (like 2) in the last 5 years and just the comforts of a girlfriend are what I don't want to miss. I wasn't even looking for a girlfriend at the time we got together, it was more like she found me.
by setteling down i dont think she could change....if she was going to change something as important as you would have changed her...
if she had a kid shed probaly have it grow up to be just like her eh who would want more people like that around?....my ex could be very dis honest at times but i always beleived what i wanted to here....
and could still be indenial that he ever did lie alot . man oh man
Good points. I did believe what I was hearing for quite awhile, but I stuck to my guns about donating money or making a child with her until I felt things were right. I kept feeling suspicious about something that was going on in her life and I certainly didn't like her financial history. I was hoping that she would show me that she was willing to change her financial position with her vehicle trade-in. That turned into a disaster as she did exactly the oposite of what we had decided to do by purchasing an other new SUV. I think she had that guy co-sign for it and that is why she let him "borrow" it for his trip for a couple days. She really had no choice, I guess.
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