[bkz]

Hi all!! Just found this place to day, lots of great info.

My situation is this. My wife has been unhappy on and off...... well forever! She's had emotionall issues since child hood and has even spent a short time in a hospital because of them. I knew this when I married her but since having our first child (only biological, we've also addopted two) 5 years ago she has definatley changed. We have had our difficulties like most marriages but she is VERY non confrontational and breaks down in just the most basic commutication or conflict so non of our problems have ever really been work out but just sort of ignored. Anyways she has recently (3-4 months ago) started talking about seperation and devorce. She has expressed to her mom and step dad as far back as a year ago her being unhappy with me. Her mom has been up front with her by telling her she thinks she is mentally ill (bypolor to be spacific) and other in both our family's feel the same way, but by being up front with her my wife has now blocked my mother inlaw out and will not communicte with her anymore. Just a very sad side note, my mother inlaw is dying from conjestive heart failure and found out last week she may have breast cancer, but my wife is in total denial and refuses to make things right with her strained relationship with her mom. I moved out for 10 days recentley and she invited me back into the home on sort of a trial basis I guess. For the last three weeks things have been great (no sex but sleeping in the same bed) and ive treated her like gold, witch she deserves to be treated no other way. Theres been no abuse in our marriage, she does think I talk down to her and am verbal with her yet no one else around us sees it. We have been going to counceling with a doctor of Phsycology and now things may have took a turn for the worse. The counceler has on numerouse occations ask my wife to get on medication for depression yet she refuses, stating shes not depressed unless she's around me, her mother or people who bring her down, otherwise shes a happy person. Now remember things have been going good the last few weeks and our home would seem a happy one and were trying to work our our marriage, until Monday night counciling. My wife continued in counseling to put up a wall and say nothing except she was angry with me for changing and becoming such a great husband and father when she was finally strong enough to leave me, and now she feels the kids and her need me. I have change through all that weve been going through by being more up beat and attentive to her and the kids, but ive allways been a good husband, provider and father as everyone around us keeps reminding her of. Since she was unwilling to talk in counceling on Monday the phsyciatrist told her she would back off her assesments of my wife by not recomending medication for depression or metioning anything about her being mentally ill if she would open up to me and the phsyciatrist on her own. Well that did it! My wife was crying and very upset. The next night my wife began to talk about devorce again and how everyone is against her and ive won over the phsyciatrist now too and she cant believe that anyone would think anythings wrong with her and she feels personally attact by the phsyciatrist. She mentioned seperating again and I told her she has family and freinds here in town (mines all far away) to go to and id support her 100% if she wanted to do that to get her thoughts togeather, she agreed and was going to go stay with a freind after she put the kids down the fallowing night witch was last night. I get a call at 4:20 from her before leaving from work to ask if I was going to the gym and to tell me she decided to not go to her freinds and just stay home instead. I get home from the gym and she had dinner made and we layed in bed and picked out a new shandelire she liked for our dining room our of a magazine. She's talked in the last few weeks about us finishing our house and bying something else cheeper togeather and other things like this and then next thing shes talking devorce again!!! and the back the other way!!!! Now I will say she says shes still VERY attracted to me but the last thin on her mind is sex, she doesnt even please herself anymore. Im just concerned about saving our merraige, I love her to death and cant imagine loosing her and of course what the kids would go through!!! The addoption on two of our children (siblings) was just final the end of June!! Anyone with advice PLEASE speak up. I took her flowers to work today and left a voice message for her telling her how buitifull she is and how much I love her and that she means the world to me. Im so confused about this and know she loves me but is just too angry with me to feel love, I went to the phsyciatrist yesterday on my own and she feels the same way but feels unless my wife deals with her issues our marriage is in trouble, and she feels my wife may run away from it and devorce would be easyer for her than to face her problems. Sorry for the novel and horrible spelling but im a little emotionally charged as you all might imagine. Thank you so much for any advice/input you can offer to me!!!!

Oh so sorry I forgot to mention we've been married for 9 years as of Sept 1st and together 11 as of Sept 15th.