[GuySimple]

Here’s my story. My W and I have been married for 18 years and have two young kids. 7-years ago I did an incredibly stupid thing and had a brief affair with someone I met through work in another town. Things were not very good in our marriage at the time and, well, I took the #1 dumb-road straight to stupid land. The affair was dead a month after it started with no thoughts of returning.

Anyway, we went to see a councilor and got back to what was an even better marriage. We moved to another town and basically started over. Or so I thought. We were much more open and I became much more understanding and supportive. My W went back to work and here career took off. She got involved in non-profit work and that has taken off as well.

Over the past few years her work and other stuff has taken more and more time away from us. A typical night after the kids went to bed usually meant her working away on the computer until mid-night when she would come to bed exhausted. I started to resent these activities and accused her of using them to replace me. This was further exasperated by the lack of effort she put in our relationship compared to the relationships with her co-workers and committee members. I would see how she conversed with them and it made me envious. I started to feel a but utilitarian.

This has gone on for a while now. Our relationship has suffered. On the weekend we had a fairly heated discussion on something that ended up being a discussion on our relationship. I said to her that she put me and us on the back shelf and that she has build a huge wall around her and won’t let me in. During the discussion she revealed that she hadn’t actually gotten past my affair and that something died in our relationship. She was angry at the pressure she felt from others (her family) to make it work and accept me back. She said that she loved me as a father but not as a husband. When I said that we needed to talk and start back to where we were 7 years ago and repair the damage properly she didn’t seem too willing. The only thing keeping us together now is our two kids. She keeps saying that she will never be able to give me what I want and that I probably won’t be able to give me what she wants. How we always have opposite views even though we have always been a good team until the last year or so.

I’m not sure what to do. I love her very much and am willing to do whatever it takes to keep our relationship going and getting stronger.