We are getting a new home in the country in the next couple weeks and I am extatic about it I am happy my children will have a nice home to grow up in because so far Noah has moved alot but it is comming with a pretty big price at the moment. Our mortgage will be 3X our rent so I MUST get a job working at home isn't going to cut it anymore, I am an Insurance Sales Rep and usually do pretty well but leads have been slow and I am nolonger motivated
I thought I would just get a night job Bartending or something so I could be home to get Noah off the bus and stay with Ally in the daytime, and can prospect clients durring the day this way we will also save on childcare ( $160.00 a week) yikes! But just to see whats out there I posted my resume on MONSTER Wendsday night and it's only Friday morning and I have 15 companies requesting interviews.. AG Edwards an investment company and AM SOUTH Bank a few home builders and others. My goal is to become a FInancial Consultant / Stock Broker one day and some of these companies will make this happen and pay for me to further my education. It is EXTREAMLY important to me that I become sucessful in my career and by posting my resume I just proved to myself that I have potential to go far in the Financial Feild. BUT My little princess is only 5 weeks, putting her in daycare will kill me and Noah needs me, at the same time I am a HORRIBLE stay at home mom I am not orginized, I am a horrible cook and I don't clean for crap. Plus staying home puts alot of pressure on my relationship because I require to much attention from Greg when he is home I passed up a job for Meryl Linch last year I don't want to comprimise kids vs career forever. I was a high school drop out, young single mother and I busted my arse to get where I am now it is extreamly important to me that I suceed more than money, I think I just need to prove something to myself
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Could you do a parttime thing and work into a full time?
you could always ask at the interviews, even though it may not be the easiest or the most desirable schedule, at least you might be with your kids a few day a week....and then when princess is maybe a few months old you could swing into full time gear.
__________________ Glitter: The herpes of craft supplies.
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If you're not a good homemaker, then I think your answer is to take the job that allows you to make enough money to afford help at home. Your kids deserve order and cleanliness and regular meals, etc.
People make a huge deal about staying at home to be with the children when they are young, but kids remember very little before they are school-aged anyway. They will remember (maybe) one or two instances of Mommy tucking them into bed and playing with them on the weekend and even that won't happen until they're about 4. So you can in clear conscience hire a nanny for them (with all due diligence of course) and pursue your career vigorously. If you work it right, you'll have enough income/investments that you'll be able to spend more time with them as they get older and as your influence is more likely to be remembered.
Originally posted by Outcast
If you're not a good homemaker, then I think your answer is to take the job that allows you to make enough money to afford help at home. Your kids deserve order and cleanliness and regular meals, etc.
People make a huge deal about staying at home to be with the children when they are young, but kids remember very little before they are school-aged anyway. They will remember (maybe) one or two instances of Mommy tucking them into bed and playing with them on the weekend and even that won't happen until they're about 4. So you can in clear conscience hire a nanny for them (with all due diligence of course) and pursue your career vigorously. If you work it right, you'll have enough income/investments that you'll be able to spend more time with them as they get older and as your influence is more likely to be remembered.
HUGELY disagree but let's not get into that. I won't ask if you have kids Outkast.
Hold out until you find the job that is right for you and your home situation. I still can't get over how in the US you only get six weeks mat leave. Here in Canada you can take a whole year off, collect unemployment (up to 55% of your regular wage) and get your old job back. You don't have to take the full year because you can split the time with your spouse.
Things will be tight for you financially, but I'm sure you can find other ways to cut corners and spend more quality time with your kids while working part time or working at home.
I have kids and I would probably have gone completely off the deep end if I had had to stay home with them. My older son is in college, drug-free, well-adjusted which I credit to good daycare, good schools and my keeping my sanity by working outside the home. I know plenty of young adults whose moms stayed home who are pissing away their lives - you just can't generalize about childrearing.
You have to do what will make you happy, sounds like staying home just to save on day care, working at night and trying to get financial clients on the side may be too much for you since your daughter is so young and your son is special needs. As long as you found a job that had regular hours (not a lot of overtime, 8-5, not a lot of travel) I think you'd find more time to spend with your kids AND enjoy it.
I do stress that you need to make the decision that is right for you. And heck, at your age trying something for a few months and then changing your mind is not a career death sentence - feel free to change your mind.
So why have kids if you don't want to spend the time it takes to raise them? They grow up fast.
And for the record, I have two, and they were in daycare part time. I missed so much of my son's first year while I worked full time and the went back to work part time after my daughter was born and stayed part time until they started school.
Sure some of the kids turn out fine but wouldn't you feel better if it was you yourself who raised them and not a nanny or daycare? I can see if you don't have a choice, and have to work to make ends meet, but there are other ways to cut back on finances, and sacrificing those early years with your children IN MY OPINION is not worth tripling your mortgage, or buying a third vehicle, or taking a caribbean vacation....
Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40
So why have kids if you don't want to spend the time it takes to raise them?
I wanted to ask the same stupid question. Why did you decide to have another baby when you're not organized? It's too late to talk about it and I am sure you had your reasons.
I am also not well organized but it's easy for me now when my twins are almost 7 y.o. They play together all the time, my ex takes them if I need free time, and unfortunately, but luckily they eat like 10 things and I don't have much problem with preparing food for them.
But when they were babies... OMG I had to peal and cook all kinds of veggies, meat, and make fruit salad for them every day. Then feeding, changing diapers, cleaning the apartment, laundry, my ass hole ex-husband and his daughter, it was a nightmare.
I was also clingy and not much of the stay-at-home mommy.
So I decided that next time when/if I have a baby, I will make sure that I am emotionally stable enough to take the responsibility. That means my husband loves me and treats me good, no financial problems, no regrets for pausing in the career, enough time for everything and help from others.
Your schedule sounds hectic. Two jobs with a little baby? Good luck to you! If you're not a lazy person then you will succeed and I wish you to keep your sanity. It's hard now but it will be much better in a few years.
So where is your BF in this whole story? Does he help you around Ally? I was wondering how much you can actually earn from bar-tending and how you would feel doing that job.
Excellent post, MWC! Stone, I also believe that your kids would be happier if they had their mom in a small home than have a great house without their mom their in the evenings.
Last edited by RecordProducer; 7th August 2005 at 2:01 PM.
Well isn't it nice that two such utterly perfect women think it's fine to slang Stone for having a baby. IF you'd read the whole story of this baby, you'd realize that she didn't plan to have a baby just now.
Quote:
I have two, and they were in daycare part time
So you're a fine one to talk, then aren't you? Why push your regrets onto Stone?
Quote:
I was also clingy and not much of the stay-at-home mommy.
And here's another one. You both admit that you didn't stay at home but for some reason have decided that was bad so project your guilt onto someone else. Nice.
Originally posted by Outcast
So you're a fine one to talk, then aren't you? Why push your regrets onto Stone?
And here's another one. You both admit that you didn't stay at home but for some reason have decided that was bad so project your guilt onto someone else. Nice.
First of all, I don't have any regrets and I WAS a stay-at-home mom. Still am. I work from home and sometimes at nights out of home (a few times a month).
Secondly, we didn't mean to criticize Stone. She is not the only one reading this thread. We want to pass our experience and thoughts. My goal on LS (and overall) is NOT to bash people whatsoever but help them. Hence my comment that it's a stupid rhetoric question "why she had the baby."
I "love" it when people pull out one sentence out of the whole context.
Stone, I hope you understand what I was saying. I only want to help the best way I can.
Both my children died when they were teenagers and they were my focus. I put my education on a back-burner and worked at low-pay jobs. After they died I went to school but I was older and beginning to have health problems and then had problems with hubby. Now I'm experiencing a health crisis (mine, my husband, and my mother--who is dieing) and even though I went back to school, I jumped around from job to job so much that I am out of work now and taking whatever I can to make the housepayment, including low-end clericle jobs. The money stress was there when my kids were little and believe me, they felt it no matter how much I tried to protect them. If I had focused on education and a secure career - even sacrificing some time with them - we would not have had the problems we did and if they were alive now I might have even been able to put them through college and I would have been a better role model for them.
I came from a blue-collar background and never set my sights very high because I never saw anyone else do that. It was expected that I would get married out of high-school (or drop out) and work as a cashier or on the assembly-line and pop out a bunch of kids. It never occurred to me to do anything different - except I didn't date in high-school and didn't get married until I was in my late 20's. I worked in stores or on assembly-lines and except for a brief period of living on my own, I shared the house with my mother and helped take care of her (she has always had health problems and needed care). Even after selling the house and moving across the country we shared an apartment until she found someone else to live with. Now she lives with me again and it would be so much easier if I had secured a career earlier in my life.
You can work - even long-hours and still have quality time with your kids and be a great role-model for them. I think it would be even easier to do it as a single parent then to have one husbban/so who is severely depressed and with mental and physical disabilities to support and care for along with the kids. But that may just be because that was my life and the weight of it on my shoulders broke me.
To awanser a question my b/f has actually come around a HUGE deal, he is a awesome dad and helps with the baby alot. He was a crappy b/f when I was pregnant but he is a great dad and treating me much better... I guess he was scared when I was pregnant
I don't regret having my baby, and even though I am a little disorganized my kids are both VERY VERY well taken care of, they get everything under the sun, we have "family days" on Sundays, and did before Ally was born and "CLEAN house" days on Thursdays where Me, B/f and Son go to town cleaning. I am a little unorganized, some toys are not picked up all the time, and I never catch up on my laundry, but I am a really good mother..... ask my 5 year old
However I am only 25, I want to succeed in my career for my kids, so I can send them to College, provide them with the best education, and am able to take them on vacations, send them to camps ect. Also like I stated before I am not a good "homemaker" I am not a dirty person or anything but I see a "homemaker" as someone that keeps a spotless home, cooks great meals, and has everything in line. so I feel like a failure when I stay at home. It's just not in my personality to do that, I've tried and tried and it makes me miserable.
Posting my resume and getting responses from companies I was intimidated to apply at gave me great confidence, for once I felt proud of myself, like I finally am succeeding in something and all those nights I studies my arse off until 2-3 in the morning while my son was asleep has finally paid off. I don't remember a time where I have ever felt so proud of myself. I think I will wait untill the baby is a few more months old after thinking about it this weekend I know I can be a better mom if I am happy and succeeding in this carrer will make me happy and adventualy give me financial independence where I can do more things with them.
Hey Stone, you sound much like me in the house field! Lemme tell you a secret... organize yourself to do one thing at a time. First work then pleasure. Plus understand that your chores won't be perfectly performed all the time. When I was married with two little babies everything was done (perfectly) on time (it had to), but the price was too high. I became depressed. Now I leave things for tomorrow and guess what - I am relaxed and happy. F the house! Your kids need to get food, that should be number one. In your case changing diapers and many other stuff should be priority too. But it doesn't mean that you can't be late for the lunch for 20 min
Determine the amount of time that you will spend cleaning, doing laundry, etc. and try to do it within that time even if you don't manage to fit in. If you don't - leave it for tomorrow. Make a balance. You're so young. Some things just come with time, experience, and age.
I wish you good luck in your career. Some day you'll be 35 and be successful and have two big kids and a lot of time for yourself and your BFs.
All is cool, don't worry!
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Why did you decide to have another baby when you're not organized? It's too late to talk about it and I am sure you had your reasons.
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