[newdaynewstart]

I have posted a couple times. Just need advice on what I should do...or how I should be responding to this. My boyfriend and I broke up last Monday. It was a four month relationship and it was LD the entire time. We lived three hours from each other and saw each other usually every other weekend. It was a pretty mutual break-up. It is not one that I wanted but I knew that I was not getting exactly what I wanted. I did not feel like my boyfriend was putting in the effort that he needed to make the relationship work. It came down to the LD factor, me being frustrated with him not fully putting his effort into this and him admitting to the fact that he was scared to fully commit to us because of the fact that we were in a LD relationship and it was not a "normal relationship." We have no hard feelings against each other and that is what makes it harder for me...is the fact that we truly enjoyed every time we spent together..it is just that I don't think that he was ready to give it his all like I was. I am trying to figure out what is going thru his mind now that we are not together. We broke up Monday, we emailed Tuesday back and forth a few times just discussing a few things that we wanted to clarify that we talked about Monday. He forwarded an email to me Wed. and emailed me both Thursday and Friday like he normally would. I did not call him at all this past weekend nor did he call me. Monday he emailed me asking all about my weekend, telling me about what he had been up to. Tuesday he emailed me as well. So then I did not hear from him Wednesday and all day today so I broke down and emailed him just asking how his day was going. He sent me back a nice email just telling me what he had been up to the past couple of days and asking how I was.

I guess I need to just quit thinking about what he is thinking. He was not giving me exactly what I wanted when I was with him and I guess I just need to move forward. It is so hard though. I just want him to realize he misses me and that I am worth putting his full effort into. Why does he continue to email? Is he just being friends because we have no reason to not be? Does he miss me? What is going through this man's head?

Any advice on what I should do. In our situation, I feel like we can be friends...but at the same time I want to get over this hope that he is going to come around and realize things... So do I need to just avoid contact with him and just be nice if he emails...or what do I do???

[Polyana]

Hey,

The thing with LD is that usually you have this strange addiction to being in contact with the person, to share what you did through email etc. Because in the end, that is what you were doing throughout ...and it becomes a habit.

He would not be emailing if he did not miss you, or at least, miss sharing with someone.

However, this does not mean that he still has the same kind/ Sometimes we simply miss the presence of words on a screen, and not necessarily the person. Because with LD you normally cannot distinguish the difference between the need for someone, any ole, or a particular person, it creates this "habit" issue.

I'm personally against LD for any extended period of time or if there is no hope that geographical locations will be the same in the near future. If there is no effort, or different levels and intensity from each, that is even more of a problem.

Because this was a mutual thing, and did not go on for too long (4 months right?), I think you might just need to wean yourself off slowly. Take your time to reply, reply with less detail than usual, but don't attach hope to any of that. Alright?

x
P.