[Prettyinblack]

I am a jealous person....I never thought I was, but it turns out I am. When I started going out with my current boyfriend 3 1/2 years ago, there was a woman who kept showing up at his gigs who was his ex-girlfriend. He wouldn't even speak to her, but she would still show up. In the beginning of the relationship with him, I watched it but thought, "well, she's not over him", but said to my b/f, "if she is hanging around, it's YOUR fault.....she must obviously think that you are interested or she wouldn't bother. Or, you are encouraging her in some way, so deal with it." And she went away, or rather, got herself a new boyfriend.

Well, now you're probably thinking, "why the heck is she still thinking about this?" Well, my b/f and I had a large argument instigated by me in May and didn't speak for about a month. When we started to speak, I brought all this up again and at the end of the conversation, it turned out he was seeing BOTH OF US for the beginning of our relationship. I haven't recovered and am not sure I can. I haven't brought the subject up again, but now, I am crazy with jealousy. I think to myself, that it takes a certain level of deceit and lying to manage 2 women and I must have been convinced back then not to investigate more to to not kick his ass to the curb when this woman was hanging around. I don't want to beat him to death with this either, but I am feeling quite tortured here.

Today, am I happy with the relationship as it stands??? No. We both have commitment issues but his are far more prevalent than mine and I want the relationship to move forward and will do whatever is necessary to facilitate that happening. He, on the other hand, keeps putting me off. And it is driving me nuts. Do I love him? Oh yeah.....But I really don't know what the answer is here to quiet these little demons that live in my head. Any suggestions?
Thanks.