Just want to thank everyone for all the advice and help.....
I am really trying hard this time. I have not spoke or called her in 2 days. I started working out today. I finally found what my problem is and I am going to see if I can be treated for it.
I am Co-dependent.
This is me 100%.
I never realized it. It is very real and very painful.
I am going to see if I can find a counselor to help me with it.
I also am going to do stuff for myself.... I am considering liposuction (love handles) and trying to focus on my own life (which is very hard cause I revolved my life around her)
Props for you man! Make the best YOU, you can be I was in the Army for a long time, always in terrific shape, but I kind of let myself go after she left me, but now I'm back and better than ever Tearing up at a gym, using the rejection as motivation. The Army taught me two very important lessons, it may seem like silly brainwashing, but it works.
1. Anytime you suffer a setback or a disappointment, flip it to your advantage, you're the master of your world, take what life gives you and then make it the way
you want it to be. If someone leaves you, well, you can only control you, remember, master of YOU'RE world and yourself, so do what you can to improve you,
maybe find someone that appreciates you, turn it into motivation and desire to be better, that is the best way to get back at an ex, THEY HATE it when you start
outdoing them in everything Once they see you've become successful, they'll come crawling back, by then you just might not even care
2. Pain is weakness leaving the body. The more pain you experience in your life, the more resilient it makes you. Its hard to think of it at the moment that
you feel crushed and broken, but it builds character, makes you a stronger, more well-rounded and enduring person, a perfect catch for the one lucky enough
to jump on you You'll be able to deal with so many issues once you've gone through disappointment, so this is a life experience that sucks now, but
I personally like to look at it as something that defines me as a person, makes me stronger.
Its painful, but the worst thing you could do is slide backwards or stay the same. Improvement should be the key, focus on doing things better, find pride in things you do well, focus on those, never doubt your self-worth, and on top of that, I'm trying a lot of new things, taking guitar and dance lessons, making new friends, listening to lots of new music that doesn't remind me of my ex. If you use this to step forward and improve, you're a good man indeed and I'm really to happy hear you talking about improving, its the way to go, plus it DRIVES ex's jealous, they figure you'll disappear into a hole for awhile and come out the same or worse for the wear, but when you step up and push forward, get stronger, it drives them nuts, messes up their whole world view. "Maybe I didn't mean that much to him, maybe I was holding back." Then they have issues of their own that they wish to discuss, in which case the tables are reversed and you are the Boss man now Good Luck to you friend!
"as for that fool you knew, his days are through, now I've got so much more to do. I'm living in a better place, because I've got so much more to do."
I don't know how you found out you were codependent but if this was a self diagnosis, I would be careful. Codependency has become a buzzword for all sorts of things that have no relationship to the syndrome.
There are many books on the subject and lots of stuff on the Internet. You might browse some of the material before you go flying off with your own diagnosis. It wouldn't help to see a good counsellor in any case if you are feeling really out of sorts right now.
Meanwhile, your post sounds like you are a guy who is duly and rightfully down right now following a break up. That happens to everybody after a breakup if they are human and they certainly don't have to be codependent to be a bit depressed because someone they loved parted. It's quite normal.
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Tony
"It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an 'information highway,' but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies." - Mike Royko, late columnist, Chicago Tribune
It's good that you are moving on. I know what it's like to be co-dependant. Having that horrible feeling of walking on eggshells. Afraid you'll upset the person. Doing everything they ask you to, yet when you need something it goes disregarded.
Have you ever felt that maybe it's not us? Maybe we are not co-dependants and that it's really them? They are just too needy? That they are so self-absorbed and think only they deserve the best and no one else? Lacking compassion for another human soul?
We're just as important.
Im not making guess diagnosis.... I know for a fact that I am co-dependent. It describes me 100%. Anyone who has read my posts and understands my difficulties would agree.... READ THIS:
I am going to see what I can do to recover or control it. I am always doing for other people and I did walk on eggshells around her..... she was severely emotionally and mentally abusive to me.
I hurt still and my heart is crushed. I still get tempted to call her but today is day 3 without a call. I know she won't call... she is having to much fun meeting guys in bars now and sleeping with them.
I feel sorry for her 3 year old daughter... who I love more then life itself......
I showed folderlife member, a picture of the three of us at christmas time. I have other pictures of us at Baltimore Aquarium just 4 weeks ago.... I thought things were going so well finally....
I literally would of done anything for this girl, and I did. I am co-dependent.... if this girl asked me to do something that would make her happy, I would do it..... if she was mad at me, it bothered me to no end and I did everything in my power to make up.....
I feel bad... why am I like this... why do I neglect myself....
I hurt and I hurt bad..... I am trying to fight the depression, sadness, loneliness, anxiety and most of all... I am scared....
Thinking of her with another man is a dagger in my heart.... this was my girl, the one I loved, wanted to marry... wanted to adopt her daughter.....
I am so betrayed and it saddens me that someone I loved so much could hurt me so bad.....
I am glad you are being more constuctive and improving yourself. But, it really is easy to read something and then you think it is you. I had my ex pinned as a Narcissist and although he had some of the characteristics, and I convinced myself he was, when I did more research, he was not. My friend diagnosed herself with BPD....yes, she had some signs, but ya know what, everyone does. You really should get the advice of a professional. Kinda like when we get sick and read online about our symptoms and by the time we are done reading, our runny nose and sore throat symptoms have turned into us thinking we have some rare disease becasue those are two symptoms. You may be co-dependent, but you also may just have some of the traits. Try and get advice of a professional too. I am so glad you are taking steps in the right direction thoug!!! Great job!
Getting help is the right steps to take. You need to take care of yourself and one day you'll look back on all of this and shake your head in disbelief that you went through all of this!!
Originally posted by beth5201
I had my ex pinned as a Narcissist and although he had some of the characteristics, and I convinced myself he was, when I did more research, he was not. My friend diagnosed herself with BPD....yes, she had some signs, but ya know what, everyone does.
Err, most people don't have BPD traits, so your friend may be onto something - mild BPD is often said to be increasingly common in females.
It is a difficult diagnosis though, so you should always seek professional advice.
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That is not me in the photo. Nor is it my ass
I am really having major problems getting through this...... I am so severely hurt and betrayed that she would meet some guy at a bar and have sex with him.... and then brag about it.....
I know I can never take her back no matter what, and she probably wouldn't come back anyway... but I am really struggling......
I feel like I am drowning.....
Due to my work schedule.. 7am to 7pm, mon-fri., its almost impossible for me to get to a doctor..... and I just started this new job.... makes things even worse....
I don't know what to do.....
Even though she has severely hurt me bad.. I still don't wish her bad..... I dunno why.
I know I am trying very hard.. but I cannot explain in words what I am going through and sometimes I think it would be better if I just went to sleep and never woke up....
I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel.
If you knew me personally, you would think I am a great, honest and caring guy... I am not crazy in any way.... but I feel like I am slowly dying internally.
How and what does a nervous breakdown happen, symptoms?
Originally posted by ck_guy02
I am really struggling...... I feel like I am drowning.....
This is natural. I spent January feeling like this.
Quote:
Due to my work schedule.. 7am to 7pm, mon-fri., its almost impossible for me to get to a doctor..... and I just started this new job.... makes things even worse....
Give yourself permission in advance to take sick leave if it gets really bad. Better to do this than to fall apart. Ironically, just having the option makes you less likely to need it.
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I don't know what to do.....
Try to live one day at a time. Each day, call on the resources you need to get through that day. For example, a quick phone call to a sympathetic friend (I had several of these I could phone for 10 minutes at any time in reasonable hours).
Exercise when you can. The exercises you fancy. As therapy. Walking if you like.
Set aside an hour a day to think of her. If she comes to mind at other times, tell yourself you'll save it for the hour.
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Even though she has severely hurt me bad.. I still don't wish her bad..... I dunno why.
Because you're a good person.
Quote:
I know I am trying very hard.. but I cannot explain in words what I am going through and sometimes I think it would be better if I just went to sleep and never woke up.... I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel.
It will feel like this. It's natural. Felt like this to me too. But it won't last, I promise.
Quote:
How and what does a nervous breakdown happen, symptoms?
If you're worried about this, go see the doctor. Tomorrow morning, phone in sick, go see the doctor. Ask for help.
I felt just like you. She cheated on me and left me high and dry. And yet I still couldn't bring myself to hate her. 4 months later, she still randomly contacts me, and it STILL makes my heart skip a beat. But I can feel the change in me coming over me like a slow wave. My good days are often and bad days short and often only a couple hours.
I'll be honest, I never wanna feel the pain I have for the last 4 months....but I am glad I did it. It is kinda like what they say in Fight Club. It's like after a fight, everything in your life is turned down. This is how I feel. I deal with problems without thought these days. I know I am not dead and that life is long. You become a new and bigger person.
Well, for the first couple months I didn't.....I called her all the time. I would go randomly visit her. Tell her how much I love her, and what a mistake we were making. It got me nowwhere. It was all wishful thinking.
I have no doubt you were probably the best guy ever to the girl and her child. Women(and men) can all kinda get flakey. After the two months I realized it was going nowwhere. So I started Low Contact. I gave myself goals, like 1 week and stuff.
At about 3 months No Contact became natural. It just started happening. I didn't really wanna talk to her cause everytime I did, I began to panic, and freak out and overanalyze. You can only be burned so many times before you realize its dumb.
She knows your number, she knows where you are. It will take time and many sleepless night and crappy days, but you will get better. For me I began to play the drums, bought a new car, new wardrobe, went to cali. (Basically spent way to much money) but you know what? who cares. It's your time. Even if it is as simple as going to see friends.
Oh, one other thing I did that helped. I through a huge party. Looked up people from ages ago. Made sure it was gonna be a party people knew about. Then shook the block off.........and yes my ex knew she wasen't invited.
I have had no contact for 3 days..... it is very painful not to call her...
I too was calling her all the time, we have been split up for about 3 weeks now. I called, begged her to be just friends, but she was just rude and ignorant all the time....
I am so deeply hurt that she went and hooked up with a stranger at a bar and went home and slept with him.... then she had to just tell me about it and how great the sex was with the man.... At first I thought she was just saying it, but... it actually did happen.
Some people say that she will come crawling back and I should tell her to go away.... I know she won't come back and even give me the oppurtunity to do that.... She is having way to much fun and her family/aunt are completely dysfunctional and immoral.. and they support her cause I didn't agree with the way of their thinking and the way they do things.... Like they all think it is great that my ex went out and had sex with a stranger.... her aunt even said that she should do it more often cause its fun.....
I can never take her back.... I told her that too.... I was really hoping to be friends... I thought it would be easier for me to get over it....
I know that I can never be able to kiss or be intimate with her again knowing she slept with a stranger. I even believe she did it without protection... I can pretty much bet on that..... 2 days after she was with the guy she came down with severe strep throat.... so maybe God punished her in some way...
I don't understand how I can hurt so bad and she isn't phased by it at all.....
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
I was in the Army for a long time, always in terrific shape, but I kind of let myself go after she left me, but now I'm back and better than ever 
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