I have been in a relationship for 8 years. I am 23 now so I was just a kid when we started going out. I am having second thoughts about this relationship. It is very hard because I really love my bf very much and 8 years is a long time. There are things in the relationship that bug me and I am finding we have less in common now. It seems like through the years I have changed more than him. At some times I can picture a future with him but there are other times where I can't. I'm stuck and I don't know what to do.
I have talked to my bf about these feelings, mostly that I feel like I am missing out on experiences like dating and that I feel really dependant on him. He is 5 years older than me and ever since I was 15 I have been with him and he has look out for me so in a way I feel kind of sheltered. Although we have both grown over the 8 years it seems like I have changed more than him to the point where I am more mature and I care more and worry more about things like our future and financial situation. I am attending school trying to prepare for a career where as he did not finish high school but is working and making decent money right now but with little room for advancement. We recently moved and do not have many friends at our new location, and this might cause me to dwell more than I should on the relationship. Another thing too is that he can sometimes embarrass me in front of my friends and family. When we are alone together he seems totally different than when we are with other people. He says it is partially to do with anxiety and he does have very mild personality disorder. When he does embarrass me I don’t know if it is just me overreacting because I care too much about what other people think. I have committed a lot of time and effort into this relationship and I love my bf immensely, but I don’t know if I am strong enough.
It is hard because I do love him very much and committed 8 years. I also haven't been single or independant in 8 years an thinking about being alone scares me, this isn't the only thing making me hold onto the relationship though. My bf has never cheated on me or been abusive or done anything like that, in fact he basically worships the ground I walk on which would make breaking up even harder. Am I just being selfish?
Being with someone for so long and not really getting to enjoy the teenage years can take a toll on a relationship like this. Both of you dont really know what its like to be single, it has always been the two of you.
Maybe take a break not really like a see other people break, but a break to enjoy being single and being able to say that you are.
It is important to find who you are and only YOU can make that happen..And maybe a break is the best thing for that, if you do or even if you dont want to see other people make that apparent to him, dont take a break and he dates someone and you get mad, you need to tell him what it is that you want.
i've know this girl for 3 years and we just started dating i am her first bf, we were great together as friends im 16 now she turns 16 in august we've been together for 5 months on july 15th i know were just kids but she tells me all the time that she wants to be with me forever, i feel the same way because i know she loves me alot and i love her alot and theres nothing that can break us up but sometimes i wonder if she will ever think outside the box ( us ) sorta like your doing now, your wondering what else is there to relationships besides you and him, i cant say i'll be with my gf 3 years from now but i know as long as we both want it, then we are going to get there, you have to want to be with him, if your curious or feeling that you've missed out then its time to get moving, but think of this, theres plenty of people missing out and who havent had the chance to explore what you have... an everlasting relationship, and someone who loves you to death.
Also. Theres always going to be problems, not everyone is perfect, relax and dont take everything so seriously, or worry what other people think worrying about what other people think and taking things seriously is only going to give you problems like you have now, so your boyfriend embarrases you sometimes, its ok! it happens i cant tell you how many times i've been embarassed by my gf but after all, "Love Conquers All"
GOOD LUCK!
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Thanks for all the advice. I am still struggling with my feelings - on the one hand I feel the need for something new but on the other hand I don't know if I will ever find a love as great as this or a guy as kind and loving as this. I think a break to evalute the situation is a good idea and I will just be more open with my bf with certain things. Until I can decide for sure I think that is the best I can do.
I just have to chime in -- if you dont scratch the "itch" youre having right now of going out and living your life, it's going to bite you in the arse after youre married. There's no reason you cannot tell him that you love him with all your heart but right now you feel like you need to spend some time alone. If he loves you like you say he does, he will respect that (he'll be hurt obviously...) but its never a good choice to stay in a relationship simply because its comfortable and youre scared of whats out there. You and him can reconcile in a little while if things are still right. And then you'll know for sure that he is the one for you (and vice versa)
I was with my high school sweetheart and almost married him until he suddenly abruptly broke it off with me. I was lost and terrified and couldnt believe it was happening. But you know what? It was a blessing in disguise...most definitely. And go figure, he came back a month later begging to be with me again.
I had already figured out that we just werent going to work, it had nothing to do with me not loving him anymore or wanting to hurt him for revenge. But if we had stayed together, it'd have been a bad sight to see in a few year's time.
The grass always seems greener on the other side, until you experience the other side, that is. And once you experience the other side, you may end up hurting him too much to ever take you back.
Originally posted by VirginiaBob
The grass always seems greener on the other side, until you experience the other side, that is. And once you experience the other side, you may end up hurting him too much to ever take you back.
Sometimes in life, you gotta take chances to find your way.
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