[Vxxn]

I want to know people's opinions on what they see as a good age to start thinking about marriage ? Also, does anyone believe that cohabiting before marriage is a good idea? I'm very curious to hear what people have to say on these subjects so if you could plese help me out I would appreciate it. Thanks everyone!

[Groovy]

I just turned 33 this week. I choose to go to college, get a decent job and buy a house first. I now feel responsible enough and marriage is a big responsibility! When I was in my 20's I didn't desire to be married. It just took energy from acheiving the other things I wanted more I guess. Only in the past 5 or 6 years have I wanted this. Some people do it the other way and get married out of high school. I guess it depends on the person. There is no magic number.

There is far too much emphasis on women and marraige. No one should be married by a certain age. My BF wants to marry and I am taking my time in getting to know him. Friends and co-workers pressure me each day asking me if I have the ring yet. Too many people get married out of a status, for money or for the sake they want a baby. Maybe simply to validate themselves as a female. So many of my single friends have obsessed over the fact they are alone. But this offers opportunities to travel, develop a career, etc. People must be married for love and truely know the person which takes time. This may happen at the age of 18 or 55.

I do not think co-habitation is wrong. My brother waited to be wed and my BF wants to at least be engaged before we live together. I prefer to co-habitat and see what I am commiting to. There are studies showing co-habitation couples do not fare as well. But the numbers are not that significant. It may also be simply that the people who do not co-habitat follow Christian rules better and divorce is more opposed to out of religious teachings.

[laRubiaBonita]

when-ever i meet mr. right......................

I'm 28, have been dating my boy for about 12 months and have gradually moved in with him over that time. "Transitioning" is a good word to describe where we are at, and I've found the process of moving in, setting up home, and learning each other's more annoying habits to be an extremely useful way of "testing the waters", so to speak. I wouldn't marry someone I hadn't lived with. In fact, I didn't marry someone who I briefly lived with - we parted ways soon after setting up home. It was amicable and we're still friends, but we learned early that our lifestyles (and financial priorities) were utterly incompatible. No such problems so far with with my current fella, so we're making the long term plans and looking at buying a house.

I have friends who think it's wrong, but they are mainly religious. I respect their conviction, although I'm not sure what the point is for those who have already slept with their men. I also have friends who think living with a guy is silly, because he gets everything he wants without making any commitments. Again, I can see the point, but I'm not interested in getting married just so that I have a husband. That level of mercentalism isn't there for me. I'm weary of the figures that say those who live togetehr are more likely to divorce, but as someone else said, I think those samples are somewhat tainted - those who live together are probably more liberal in their social mores and more likely to end a bad relationship than to stick it out because that's what's right (or something).

Ultimately, I think whether a couple lives together comes down to individual preference, and how they weigh the various influences on their lived. For me, personally, I think it's a great idea.

[RecordProducer]

I think people shouldn't get married before age 30. I was 23 and got my twins right away. I wasn't ready. I realized that when it already happened. I was immature and chose the wrong guy. The burden of having two kids at once suffocated me and I don't know how I would have managed without my mother. But I am also glad that I have them, they made me more responsible and aware of the right things in life. When they turn 17 I'll be 40. It's also good to be a young mom. Now I am divorced and my kids are almost 7.
Yes, I think it's great to live together before getting married. My problems with my ex-husband started right away when we started living together (his daughter was a huge problem) and I was already pregnant. But the thing is, I was so in love and stupid, I would've stayed with him anyway probably. I could've aborted, but I didn't want to.
Groovy, you're 33 and still a virgin? (I remember your post about pre-marital sex from before).

[moimeme]

I'm 28, have been dating my boy for about 12 months and have gradually moved in with him over that time. "Transitioning" is a good word to describe where we are at, and I've found the process of moving in, setting up home, and learning each other's more annoying habits to be an extremely useful way of "testing the waters", so to speak. I wouldn't marry someone I hadn't lived with. In fact, I didn't marry someone who I briefly lived with - we parted ways soon after setting up home.

Amen to that! There are two essential elements you need for a good marriage; the first is that you love each other (and that's my shorthand for 'love, respect, like, treat kindly, etc etc - not 'are horny for and infatuated with') and that you live together well. Ever see 'The Way We Were'? Two people loved each other madly but couldn't live in the same house. Yes, it's a movie but life is often like that. So for sure live with someone you think you might want to marry and see if you can mesh your lives successfully before you take the final step.

I agree with the others about 'age for marriage'. You marry when you find someone you want in your life to the end of your days. That may happen when you're 25 or it may not happen until you're 45 but marrying just because 'it's time' is a real bad idea. Don't decide it's time to marry and then settle on someone who seems suitable; you'll regret it in the end.

[Groovy]

I'm not sure what you are referrring to, I don't recall that post. I am not a virgin and engage in pre-marital sex.

[MsBlink]

Well, I'm 20, and have always been interested in getting married...it's the having kids things that I would love to delay for another 10-15 years. Honestly, there is more safety in having children in your 20s, but seeing how the economy is weird right now, it's not the most financially sound thing to do. That would seem to be the case for a marriage as well, but at least you know your spouse is of legal age to get some kind of employment.

I'd love to be married before I'm 30, but if it has to be longer than that, so be it. Hell, 23 or 24 would be exciting for me, but I'm a Boomeranger right now and I really doubt it'll happen. *Shrugs* Just being realistic.

For the most part, as long as you're older than 20, I think it's a great time to get married. No one's promised their marriage won't work, or will work, but we don't know much of anything about ourselves and living when we're 18. At least I did live on my own for a while and went to school (2 years left...somewhere!)...

Best of luck,
~MsBlink

LOL! I forgot your other question...due to moral reasons, I don't want to live with a guy unless we have a wedding date set. You can sleep over sometimes, we can vacate together, but you better have our wedding in the planning stages before we shack up. I might be the "cow" but you're surely not gonna get "the milk" for free for an extended amount of time!

[Groovy]

I'm with you MsBlink! Never co-habitated with anyone

[Woggle]

It is never a good time for a man to get married. No offende to any women here but most women these days are not worth marrying. A man will just be setting himself up for heartbreak. I say men just get a girlfriend with her own place and visit often. That way if things go wrong you can cut her off with minimal drama.

[RecordProducer]

You could sing the same song for us before bed so we can fall asleep faster...