Oh, here we go. This I am sure is going to spark a firestorm of responses but please be objective about this.
I have been dating a women for about 2 years now. She has abnormally sagging breasts, otherwise, she is beautiful. She is 26 without kids so it is natural I believe from her background and race.
As a guy, I have to say, I have tried to look past the sagging breast issue. As much as I try, it still bothers me on a regular basis. The reason I struggle with this so much is the fact 1. that this is how she is naturally and 2. I believe it to be shallow on my part to think so much of physical appearance.
With that being said, the whole thing still bothers me. You can say I am shallow and blast me if you want, but the fact is it bothers me and I am frustrated with the whole thing because I dont feel I can really talk to her about it because I dont think it would be fair to her and i havent really asked anyone for advice outside this forum. So I am hoping for some good advice from people on here.
Has anyone here been in a relationship where they have been unable to look past a physical trait such as this in a relationship? If so, can you give me some advise either how to look past this issue or move on with my life.
I have to say, besides this, the relationship is excellent. I would really hate to leave this women over a physical issue that I am too shallow to be able to put out of my mind. Please help!
I would say that if you are serious about looking past the physical issue then you have to look deep within yourself to see the person she is and how lucky you are to have her. You have to believe that she is beautiful inside and out and that she will always be this way ( even if the boobs sag to China or the tummy balloons past her feet ). It is a hard issue to face and even harder to overcome. We are so conditioned to look for the physical first and then see if the other things fall into place for a relationship. There are many posters on here who say that they are not attracted to their w,h and they want to stray.
I don't think there is an easy answer. It is a mental thing and you have to overcome that to have a chance.
Let's put it this way....an erect penis is gorgeous. A limp one is ugly as hell. And since men aren't always erect....
If you can't get past this, then let this wonderful, otherwise gorgeous woman find someone who will give her everything she deserves. Women are the ones who pay the physical toll for bearing children. We should be revered for it, not scorned.
Location: Heaven won't take me, and hell's afraid I'll take over
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Well.. Honestly IMO if you Really Love someone then you Love them for WHO they are.
With that said.. I do understand that a Physical attraction is needed in wanting to know more about someone romantically speaking BUT you've said she is beautiful AND you've said you've been with her for 2 years.. so yeah obviously there is physical attraction AND you have gotten to know her..
If I recall correctly you posted another question regarding your GF a few days ago wondering if her not taking care of your Dogs was going to be a deal breaker in the relationship..
My two cent's on this is.. I think in some ways you already know you want to end the relationship (for whatever reasons.. could be boredom, fear of moving forward in the relationship.. I don't know) but the "issues" you're now having with the sagging Ta Ta's and Dogs is a excuse (If you will) to find fault or something that you can't live with so to speak because it wouldn't feel right to say or feel that this girl is amazing and wonderful then end the relationship anyway WITHOUT a reason.. do you see what I'm saying?
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I have to wonder if you REALLY love this woman to be so hung up on her breasts?
I can think back on guys I dated a short time that I could not continue dating because of a physical trait that bothered me. Examples: One guy I couldn't date because he had man boobs. Another guy I could not get past his huge nose and chin.
BUT with my ex..who I loved SO much...I could completely look past his minor speech impediment (I actually found it adorable over time), his lazy eye (didn't even notice it, although others did!), and his small *cough* manhood. None of that bothered me because I loved him SO much. If he had been in a car wreck and became paralyzed and in a wheelchair for the rest of his life I would have still stuck by him. If he had been in a terrible car accident and permanently disfigured his face I would STILL love him and be with him. I know I would...
But the others? Just ditched 'em.
I would be wondering more about if you *really* loved her....
Also, does she seem to be aware of her problem? Why not suggest a breast lift? If you have been together that long you should feel comfortable enough to make a suggestion like this. I know I appreciate it if someone is honest with me over these matters. I'm not the kind of girl to get mad at suggestions a man might have about my appearance and how I can improve it. Or do you think she would not be welcome to a suggestion such as this?
I think you are absolutely correct! I now recall his former posts on the dogs. He is obviously out of love with her and knows deep down he wants to end the relationship. It appears everything about her is grating on his nerves right now...
I agree that if you truly love somone you overlook little things like that. I for example. was in love with my ex who wasn't "well endowed" and could only work what little he had every blue moon. I was able to be in a 4 yr relationship with bad sex because of love.
If you are not sufficiently attracted to her at this point, going on with her will not get better -- she is not going to become more attractive in the future.
It's not shallow, you just really don't like her enough and what you have at this point is 2 years of shared history.
I don't like my H's fifth toe....but BFD. I'll be damned if I'm going to give him up over that?!?! I have to deal with it and it comes with the 'package' per se.
Two years later and you're still having issues? Are you digging stuff up? Trying to find a reason to bail? If so, do her a favor and don't bring her down just for your sanity's sake.
Do you watch porn? Have you been comparing her to other women (porn stars, real life women)?
Get over it or get on. This has been two years into a relationship, it obviously wasn't a deal-breaker from the get-go, but it is now??
And good luck trying to find your next perfect gal, cuz there aint a one of us that's naturally "perfect".
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Originally posted by celtic
I have to say, besides this, the relationship is excellent. I would really hate to leave this women over a physical issue that I am too shallow to be able to put out of my mind. Please help!
CELTIC.... if you cannot get past this then you need to move on. Personally, I cannot stand women that have bad feet. I mean....a woman could be perfect in every way but if she does not have nice feet I just cannot deal with it. I have dumped women because of this.
I also dated a woman who was about 35 yrs old and had realy bad saggy boobs. But she had 2 kids and was a type 1 diabetic (insulin shots every day) so that may have had something to do with it. But I have dated women who were 45 who still had very nice firm boobs. Whatever.....
You need to decide if this is a deal breaker for yourself. Weigh everything and if you cannot get past the saggy boobs you must move on.
Originally posted by tiki
I don't like my H's fifth toe....
I have five toes, too. On each foot. Am I confused about something? Or are you not trying to say that he has one toe too many, but that one of his toes is bad? Wow. Stupid ear infection.
Yes you are being shallow and she probably is very well aware of her "saggy boob" situation. I take it from your posts that she has large breasts, large breast are great but guess what they fall hard.
Jeeze men can't be happy with anything, you got a chick with real natural breasts and complain that they are saggy, go find a chick with implants.
I guess the way we handle these issues will determine whether we get put in the 'grown up' or the 'shallow' categories.
I don't like certain physical aspects about my girl, but that didn't stop me from marrying her. However, that's not to say I got past those 'flaws'. But, that's where I learn to 'grow the hell up'!
Anyways, it appears you might be bugged about the issue enough to call it quits. If that's so, then good luck on the next girl. But it's likely you'll find something about the next one you can't get past. If it's not a physical 'flaw', then it could be a character 'flaw'. It never ends.
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